A
female
age
51-59,
*ee4ever
writes:Let me start off by saying that I am a single mom taking care of a 2 year old. I'm going through divorce and trying my best to look good so I don't lose my child. My soon to be ex will have a lawyer but since I can't afford one, I won't. This is where my boyfriend comes in. Love him dearly but his immaturity (around my child) is driving me crazy and I'm not sure if I'm over reacting or just being careful because of my court battle. Here are some examples of things he does. He will ride a bike at target if he happens upon the isle. I'm not talking just sitting on it, I'm talking up and down the isles for 5-6 minutes while my 2 year old is laughing at his antics.He says words in a joking matter. For instance last night my daughter was playing with her barbie and he said "spread eagle". Prob is my daughter repeats everything like most kids. He has also said vagina, blow job and too many other inappropriate words to remember or repeat. To his credit he barely if ever swears.Last night we happened upon a channel on tv for a mature audience. My daughter was playing and barely paying the tv attention but he wouldn't change the channel. He kept wanting to watch it. I was furious. My daughter glanced up and sees 2 naked women touching themselves and he didn't know how to change the channel fast enough because I was yelling. In short there are more reasons but I'm already taking care of 1 child, don't want 2. He brings a lot of life and happiness to our lives which we desperately need. She I overlook the other stuff since he's a good bf otherwise? Just want to do the best thing for my daughter. Thanks.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Well just because he earns a lot of money does not mean he is the best person to have custody of your daughter, and the courts know this. If he makes six figures then chances are he works a LOT of hours and is a very busy man, whereas if you are unemployed at least you are at home caring for your child full time.
I struggle to believe that any court, anywhere in the world, would place a child into the hands of a father who works full time rather than keeping the child with its mother who cares for the child full time.
No expensive lawyer can ever argue that having a child with a nanny or in daycare for the majority of the day is better than the child being with the mother. Chances are you will just get more money in child support and as part of your divorce because of his high income.
As long as you are trying your utmost to be civil with your ex (and have written, dated evidence of this i.e emails & letters) and you are trying to get joint legal custody of your daughter (you are not going all out and trying for sole legal custody) then I think the courts will always be favourable towards the mother.
Have you tried discussing all of this with your ex prior to the court case? Do you know if your ex is trying to get sole legal custody or is it more amicable than that? I know you say your ex always tends to get his way but I could not imagine he would be trying to get sole legal custody unless things were very bad between the two of you and you have done something wrong to give him ammunition for this?
If you have any more information then feel free to let me know and I will try and give you more insight on how the court case might go and if your ex has any real chance of getting custody of your daughter.
A
female
reader, Bee4ever +, writes (13 December 2010):
Bee4ever is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. I'm worried because my ex seems to always get his way. I'm unemployed and he makes six figures. I'm struggling to provide but he can comfortably. Where I win is my family's love and support system but with him hiring a high priced lawyer I'm not sleeping nights.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 December 2010):
Have you spoken to him about his behaviour? Told him how you feel? I'm sure if you just sat down with him one day when your daughter is asleep or at her dad's and just explained that you are currently really worried about the upcoming divorce and custody proceedings, and his behaviour is starting to worry you that it might jeapordise your court case.
Explain that you love him and are so thankful of all the great things he brings to the relationship, but you are a bit on edge at the moment because of the court case and would really appreciate it if he was on his best behaviour until the case was over. Use the adult tv and the language as examples, e.g:
1. Adult TV - she (your daughter) could go round to her dad's house and talk about or mimic actions she has seen on that tv channel which would give xxxx (your ex) ammunition against me when discussing custody of her.
2. Language - yes it can be funny to joke around with words but until the case is over, it is really important that xxxx (your daughter) doesnt pick up ANY bad or dirty language that she could repeat whilst with her dad.
I think the thing on the bike is harmless - he was just making your daughter laugh and there is no reason not to do that, they cannot hold that against you in court! But the other two examples you gave do need to be addressed, and I think the best way is just to have a one to one chat about it.
Dont be angry with him or confrontational, just explain that you are being very careful at the moment because of your upcoming court case and you just need him to try and be as careful as he can around your daughter.
I am just curious, why is there even a question that you might lose your daughter to your ex? It is incredibly rare that they will give custody to the father, the mother needs to pretty much be a drug addict, sex worker or alcoholic for her to lose her child. So I dont know if you are getting yourself a bit too worked up about this, or if there is another reason why you think you might lose her?
Try not to worry too much, it has been proven by countless child psychologists that the best place for a child to be is with its mother UNLESS the mother is proven unfit. And to prove her unfit, it has to be something extreme like being an alcoholic etc. Having your partner say a few bad words and then her repeating them is not going to be a good cause for them to take her away from you!
So try not to worry, have a quiet chat with your partner and then it all should be fine.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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