A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I allow this?My boyfriend turns 18 in 2 weeks' time, and he's having a party at a local pub. all sounds great, all his friends and family will be there. HOWEVER, there's one small hitch, I'v just got an e-mail from one of his friends asking my permission for a stripper to be ordered.I agreed. Stupidly, because there's a big group of his male friends who think it would be brilliant, they'd pretty much organized it before one of the more sensitive guys in the group thought they'd pass it by me first.I thought it would be a laugh at first, but the more I think about it, the more the idea of some slut sat on my boyfriend's lap, realizing some fantasy of his and pushing her boobs into her face... well i don't think i like it. I'm really worried. By the time she arrives, I will have had a few drinks, and my boyfriend will CERTAINLY have had more than a few drinks. If he touches her, or like, gropes her, well I don't know what my reaction would be. Anybody reading this, please take a moment to envisage the love of your life having somebody else crawling all over them. Then you might get an idea of what i'm feeling. I know she probably won't but I doubt a well-paid stripper will leave out some special attention for the birthday boy.I know it's just a laugh, and I want him to have a good time, but I'm upset just thinking about it. It's not that I don't trust him, but, y'know, its a semi-naked woman rubbing whipped cream onto her tits for his enjoyment. It makes me feel a bit sick if I'm honest.Should I just walk away and ignore the whole thing until she's gone? Should I call it off and tell them that im really not comfortable, and risk being a 'spoil sport'?Should I even maybe have a word with her when she gets there, make her understand that i'm his girlfriend, and im watching, please please don't be too bad. Or do you think that would make things worse? Or just play along, and swallow back any silly issues I have. It's only a laugh after all :/ (His parents will be there aswell, im really great friends with his mum. maybe i'll just hang around her and we can cringe together?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your great advice, all of it makes sense.
With regards to just 'calling him' -it's a surprise, he doesnt know it's happening.
Anyway, I'v decided to let it happen. Hopefully he will feel as uncomfortable as me (I hope!) and i will sit with his mother, and we will both cringe and look away.
Doesnt mean im any happier about it, I'm just looking for ways top cope, so I don't dive over the table and smack the stripper a black eye (I know its not her fault, It's a living, and its her job choice... but she's on MY MAN D: )
Thanks all xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Nothing is written in stone and you have every right to change your mind. Tell your boyfriend your honest heart feelings. He deserves the truth from you. You never know, he may be happy you don't like the idea of a stripper dancing at his party.. because! you care. You care because you love him. What is more important than true love? Certainly not a stripper ( a working woman who is doing nothangmore than paying her bills.. it aint love. )Don't worry. The truth will set you free ~/~Now.. call your man (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Have a chat with your boyfriend and ask what he thinks. He might not be very keen either. Its probably his mates that are the keen ones! Remember your boyfriends family will be there watching. He might find the whole thing hugely embarrassing. I know from the few parties ive been to in the past, where there was a stripper, that these girls take no prisoners. The last party with a stripper was ages ago now. The girls act was very lewd. It totally embarrassed the guy and his girlfriend spent the rest of the evening at home crying and refused to speak to him for a week. No one has suggested having strippers since!
So speak to him. If you are in agreement about not having one, you can both let everyone know and no one will think you are a spoil sport.
If he wants a stripper and wont back down for you. Then remove yourself as she arrives and ask people not to tell you what happened afterwards. Ive got a feeling it wont work very well but its either that or stand and watch. Which wouldnt be a good idea if you dont even want her there.
Another option would be to tell his mates you dont mind as long as they give you the fee and let you select the act. Then pick a stunning, cross dressing stripper. That will give the lads a little surprise :)
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 If you are watching and his mum is watching he is going to be pretty darn careful. If he isn't well then you have just acquired a very pertinent data point which you wouldn't otherwise have got.
Go and sit with his mum.
If you "forbid" it then your relationship will be over within 18 months.
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A
female
reader, BunnyAce  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You allowing this to happen makes it seem like it will be okay for something like this to happen again. Then in the future he may use the argument "well why didn't you have a problem with it before? What changed about you and me?" I would be VERY angry if my boyfriend had a stripper on him. It is a respect thing. What is funny though is that it wasn't even his idea...don't let anybody talk you into anything you're unsure with.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You can't necessarily take back what you agreed to in the first place. I don't know how they would go about getting back their $ that they probably pooled together. If his parents are going to be there, I'm sure this performance isn't going to be X-rated. More maybe just her top off and a lap dance, if that. The whip cream scenario, strippers aren't that creative. Since your there and he loves you, he'll be on his best little boy behavior and keep his hands to himself.
You could walk away and wait till the show's over..however, I'm sure you would want to keep an eye on her. Don't have a word with her when she arrives it's unnecessary. She's not there to steal your man, she's there to do her job, collect her tips, and leave. It may come as a surprise but some strippers dance to pay the bills, they're college students, single mothers, women just like me and you. I suggest standing with his mother grimacing at the show.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Now that you have got this off your chest you have already answered your question, "just play along, and swallow back any silly issues" and sit with his mum if it makes you feel any better.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Call it off. You sound incredibly uncomfortable with it, and chances are things will get worse.
I would hate the idea of my boyfriend having a stripper at his birthday party.
If the thought of it disgusts you, imagine SEEING it. You'll be disgusted and resentful after.
They might think you're a spoil sport, but who cares? Plenty of people have had great parties without a stripper. I bet you're boyfriend wouldn't want to hurt you.
He's your man, the only one who should be rubbing whip cream on themselves for his enjoyment is YOU.
You say it's only a laugh, but it seems like it's a lot more to you.
If you feel bad about it, and if you're comfortable enough. Maybe you should cancel the stripper, and have your own show in private with him?
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