A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husbands co worker (girl) has been telling me things such as they are planning a weekend together and sexually explicit details between him and her. But he denies that he has ever touched her and we have been dealing with face book remarks and threatening / harassing emails for about 4 months now. I have sent the information to the HR dept in their company (I used to work there as well). I have also called the police but no one can seem to do anything about this girl. She is not saying she is going to cut my throat, if I don't leave him. She is persistent on telling me how they are planning weekends together and now he is (coincidentally) telling me he has to start working 7 days a week, due to a new project. We have always been honest with each other and I really want to believe him. She is saying that she put in a 2 weeks notice because she is now pregnant with "his baby". ... She being married herself. Also telling other people in the office that they are having an affair and she is carrying his baby. *Please keep in mind she is aware that due to a hysterectomy I had to have, I am unable to have children* Everything he has ever told this girl about me she is now using against me. He agreed that he made a mistake and telling someone too much information but he thought she was a friend, but he now sees obviously she is not. He said that was his mistake. But I am the one having to live with this constantly being told my husband is in love with her and doing things that would definitely cross the line. He on the other hand, won't tell her to stop and he won't get in her face and just say " I don't have any feelings for you at all". Also when I tell him about the emails I receive from her he gets mad and it ends up turning into him not talking to me and him getting in "this mood swing". Now (Effective Sept 1st ) he will be working weekends (7 days a week) I guess, and lately he does not call me on lunch or during his breaks like he used to. He used to call me all the time during these and he has just stopped. Making me wonder. Also, he "put in a lot of over time every day" Leaving for work early and not getting home until an hour or so late... Telling me he is just busy at work. But yet his paycheck is less than what it normally is. Of course he says they messed up his pay because he was out sick for half a day, which he did not get paid for. It just seems like for everything she is telling me, he always has an inconsequential answer. Then there was one day a lunch bill when I make his lunch for him everyday. He said someone stole his card number and went out (price was for lunch for two). He even called the bank to have the amount removed and had a new card issued. So I don't know if I should believe him anymore or believe her. Should I contact her husband (who is on facebook) and tell him of what she is saying she is doing with my husband. Because according to my husband when he asked her to stop, she deny's emailing me or facebooking me. But I have the proof to show she is.His moods very so often, I can't help but wonder why? He says she used to be his "Best Friend"... I told him - Best friends between a girl and guy means one thing, later on in the future you wanted it to be more than that. I asked if he was attracted to her and he says yes at one point he was, which is why they became friends in the first place. Also, she pulled up her shirt and pulled down her pants some to show him a "Tramp stamp" Tattoo and he never told her not to do it or that it was inappropriate. (This was in his cubical on work time) And he got mad at me for being upset about. Knowing I have been receiving these emails... Why would he allow her to do that? I just don't understand unless there was something going on. Why does he not stand up and say something? Below is the last email I received from her: I am assuming it is you who reported me to HR, probably because you now realize you have lost your husband. Did he tell you I am pregnant and having his baby? We f#$*ed in his car, not the easiest of things to do especially during breaks and on lunch but we managed it. So go ahead report me to HR all you want, but you will be reporting him too. I am the real woman and who he really wants. Did he tell you about our weekend - he will do whatever he can to make it to be with me every weekend he can, to be with me and the baby. It's just a matter of time before he files for divorce and if not ~Take this warning. If you don't leave him, don't be surprised when I cut your throat like the ugly fish you are. You better leave NOW! Him and I are going to be together no matter if what you say or do. Nothing will work. He has promised me his love and given me the best gift that you were unable to take, a baby. So go ahead report to HR again. I don't really care it does nothing and no one can do anything about it. It's just a couple of people who work together who fell in love. Watch your back and take my advise - leave NOW before I have to hurt you, you fat C#$T! Love ya - (Her name)He says the most he ever touched her was shaking her hand during the interview process. What should I do. I just want this girl to get out of my life and leave me and my husband alone. No one can seem to help me... Please any suggestions?
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affair, at work, best friend, co-worker, divorce, facebook, fell in love, tattoo Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Yes, don't be blinded by hope like Soon103 said. What it sounds like to me is she's angry he hasn't left you
to be with her yet & he's too much of a coward to come clean. If I were in your shoes right now I wouldn't focus on the details of the situation. I would be packing his shit & calling her to come get it. The fact of the matter here is someone/everyone is lying to you on some level & they are most likely a pair of snakes who have been disrespecting you for months now. Don't compete with her for him. He's a sissy & hasn't got the balls, brains, honor or maturity to come clean with you about whats really going on. And no matter what really happened, it was enough to convince the girl she should out rank you in his life & that alone would prove to me that he's not worthy of the privilege of being in mine at all. I'm really holding back here because I could go on for days on how much you should rid yourself of these two idiots & how you'll end up laughing in the end when he's stuck with this psycho & they're both miserable. I hope you love yourself enough to step back & see you are so much better than the both of them & don't fret when it ends because you'll have come out on top no matter what. good luck to you in the difficult time. It will be better in the end.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Oh you poor thing, what an awful situation to have to deal with.
You've had some great answers here, and I can only agree with those who have said that very likely your husband is not a completely innocent party in all this. Blowing up at you because you got upset over what was happening is, I'm afraid, a classic sign of guilt.
This woman does indeed sound like she is stalkerish & a "bunny-boiler" type, possibly not quite mentally sound as others have already pointed out. Why not search on the term "cyberstalking" on Wikipedia? There's some very useful information there. Please avail yourself of all the help & support you can get, including possibly a divorce lawyer, as you may have to decide that sadly this man isn't for you after all.
Finally, please don't allow this woman to make you feel in any way inadequate because you can't have children of your own. Many couples successfully lead child-free lives, doing things that those with children can only envy because they don't have the time or freedom to pursue them. The fact that she is trying to use this against you just shows her mentality, and maybe the fact that she's been "Tramp-Stamped" ought to serve as a useful warning to anyone who goes near her in future.
Good luck & take care of yourself.
~Bel
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): Sorry hun, your hb is cheating. Since your hb doesn't want to protect you, you need to. Do you have kids as well?
You need to send this woman's emails. Just be careful to make a back up of everything. Your hb may want to get rid of the evidence.
Get his company involved and tell them that unless they do something of her harassment you will have no option but to report their company.
Find out what their company policy is about screwing around at work.
You cann orely on your hb for the truth, so whatever he says take it with a pinch of salt.
Check the overtime story and the 7 day week with the company. Ask them what is going on. Tell them the short money story.
Get an interdict against this deranged woman. Go to the police and get a restraining order. Kick up a fuss if you get no help.
Your hb is the key to this drama and bec he chooses not to do anything, contact this woman's husband on FB. Show him all the emails,and beat her at her own game
Your hb all e so pissed but at least you would have protected yourself from Him an Her.
Lastly I think your marriage isover. Why stay in an abusive marriage. This man is emotionally and mentally abusing you. Get smart. Start working on leaving him. Cut any love crap from out of your mind. Work on yourself and leave the cheating hb but not before you do the things I suggested above.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I don't mean to be insensative but YES he's cheating with her! She's pissed because he hasn't followed through with ditching you yet, as he's undoubtedly promised her he would. If I were you right now I would start grinding it in my head everyday, all day long if I had to, that I don't need him, I don't want him, I'm still the kick@ss, respectable woman I've always been & I'm way better off with out him & his B.S. I'm worthy of a loyal man & it's NOT going to break me when my relationship ends(& believe it!). Take control, end it yourself. Keep your dignity. You know whats really going on here. Don't deny the obvious & let the rotten behavior of these two elude you. If it's for real, it's definitely not a reflection on you or your worth- sh*t happens to good people all the time. Mainly because the vultures of the world pull thoughtless & remorseless crap like this all the time. But know she's likely tormented day & night by her situation too. As is he for that matter but probably for much differnt reasons. So you aren't the only one (just the only innocent one) who's been driven to competing/comparing themselves to another woman, a mystery woman really. Someone who becomes unreasonably intimidating & draws out & aggrivate the tiniest of insecurities, causing you to tear yourself to shreds and leaves you an empty hulk, all over a cheating, chickensh*t wimp of a man! I mean, JUST AVOID IT! And I would say that keeping confidence in yourself is key. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Your husband doesn't stand up to this woman because while she's lying about some things, she's not lying about everything. His passivity is suspicious and so many things are already not adding up. I know you're doing everything you can to get to the bottom of this, but you'll have to be more assertive with your husband and with this crazy b*tch to get to the bottom of things. Unfortunately, you have to prepare yourself to learn information that may be hurtful, even though you already have an inkling about it.
You have evidence of a threat to commit bodily harm; take it to the police and DEMAND an order of protection. If you don't get the response you want, keep working up the chain of command until you do. While you're at it, send a copy of her correspondence to this woman's husband. The more aggressive you are in pursuing this, especially through legal means, the more likely your husband is to finally come clean about what's been going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): To take another stance here-
Have you ever thought she's playing both fields? She's become obsessed with him. She wants him. She may be working both of you to try and get you to split- lying to him about you and to you about him. His evasive and unsure behavior might be because he thinks that YOU are the one with something to hide and he thinks that you are trying to cover it by making the other girl look bad..
The main problem I see here isn't the man. It's the woman. She is mentally ill in some way, and perhaps is a stalker like mentioned before. Have you ever seen the movie Obsessed? I suggest watching it. It is EXTREMELY similar to your situation... And you just might get a peek into how crazy this woman truly is.
I honestly am not sure if your husband is having an affair, but judging by the way she is going about it I would say he isn't. She got close to him, lured him in, and then decided he was hers and she had to have him even if he didn't want it. What do you do when a guy wants another girl and not you? Get rid of the competition.
Just a thought.
The emails are not mentally sound, so really, I would not trust the things she is saying.. And there may be a lot more to this than you know. Maybe he is having doubts about you now because of her, and that's why he is treating this whole situation funny. Because when someone has something to hide and they know someone else is spreading their secrets, what do they do? Make that person look unreliable and crazy.
She's playing you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I agree with YouWish. No man that I've ever been with that truly cared about me would sit back and not really respond if some woman claimed to be carry his baby, let anyone threaten my life.
My vote is that your husband is cheating. I'm sorry to say that, as you obviously care about him and would like to get your relationship with him back in order. That, however, sounds like it's really just not going to be possible.
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A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I think she might be trying to hurt the two of you. It is highly possible that all of it is just a lie she has made.
The big question is if you thrust him or not.
the second is if you will leave your well gained throphe to a person who uses such a low thecnique.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): When she has the baby, couldn't the baby be DNA tested to find out who the father is? If it is your husband's baby than he is cheating on you but if it isn't than this girl is lying.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 August 2010):
 This woman clearly has some issues, and as far as I am concerned she's a stalker. However, the biggest point in all of this is your husband's reaction... or lack there of. YouWish is 100% right.... if she was 100% wrong your husband should be showing signs of anger towards her and should be trying to make it stop. If she strictly was a stalker, ignoring her would be the way to go... but your husband is complicating things.
My guess? Something happened at least once between them. Something sexual. It may have been a long build up and then just one time... or it could be an all out affair. Either way, your husband is not being completely truthful.
But you are going to be a better judge of this than anyone here. You know your husband better than us. What do you feel deep down? Without thinking or convincing yourself otherwise, what does your gut tell you? Odds are you already know he's cheating on you, but because you are a caring, compassionate person... you are trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Follow your instincts on this. Working 7 days a week on a project? Who the heck does that? Somebody stole his card number? Right.
Don't get involved with playing her game and talking to her husband on Facebook. Your best course of action is to ignore her letters. Don't get me wrong, you must be cautious of her threats, but until you actually see her in person ever, she'll most likely just keep threatening you from afar. Don't get caught up in her game, but put pressure on your husband for the truth. Tell him you don't believe him... if he goes on the offensive and blames you for not trusting him, then there's a good chance he's cheating.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 She is pregnant and her hormones are acting wild. I've seen movies where a pregnant killed her rival, for the sake of securing a man, a father for a baby. You really have to be careful. Your marriage is already suffering, why don't you pack up your stuff and stay at your relatives for a while? No need to talk to your husband since he's being evasive. He contributes nothing to your happiness and your security. Don't tell him where you are going. This madwoman would do perfectly well on a Jerry Springer show. Send that email to her husband too. I don't understand why she wants to keep her marriage, having another man's baby. At the end, it's your husband to suffer. He's going to pay spousal support, child support and he's going to lose two women he thought he loved. He's going to be bitter towards women, while you are free to find another man who truly loves you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 August 2010):
 He's most definitely lying AND cheating on you. You know this deep down inside.
Here's the biggest proof - if a husband perceives that someone (even another girl he was friends with) threatens to kill his wife, there would be NO wishy washy response from him. He would move heaven and earth to protect his wife.
Your guy isn't doing that, but rather lying to you, failing to act on this girl's harassment, and distancing himself from you, not her.
The biggest problem here isn't this other girl. It's your husband, and HE is the one you have to throw out of your life. He is a liar and a cheat, but more tragically, he has sold you down the river to this trashy woman, and I guarantee you that within 1 year after you drop this lying dog of a husband, he will be the most miserable man on the planet, for he will see her true nature.
She very well may be pregnant with your husband's kid. Why would you want her gone? You want HIM gone.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Something isn't quite right here, she is definitely conveying threats in her email, which is totally illegal, but you say the police won't do anything about it? What state do you live in?
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