A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles. I need to know how to go about having a threesome with my husband. First off I am bisexual, so theres no issue with wanting to be with woman sexually. My husband has always wanted to experience a threesome. Its just a fantasy. But he has made a point that he only wants it with me and says if Im not comfortable he doesnt want to do it. He says the fun.is all about me enjoying it too. Im not worried that this is an attempt to be with other women, or anything like that. My issue is I love him. Im more attached to him than any other man Ive ever been with (Which is one reason why I married him lol) Ive had threesomes before in my single days, but I was always the "other woman,"- by that I mean I was always the one coming into the threesome. So I wasnt ever attached romantically (not to say I didnt care for them) But this time its my husband. I WANT to do it for him. I want him to have sexual fantasy fufilled. (This is the only one he has) However, am so apprehensive. I dont think I could deal with seeing him be with someone else. I dont mind if he touches her or she him, but I dont think I could deal with penetration. Which almost defeats the purpose of a threesome? I feel anxious and a bit insecure about it. I dont know why, really... other than Im.very attached and "possesive" of him in that way- as far as sex goes. Any advice to help boost my confidence and help me be able to give him this experience would be appreciatedThank you in.advance!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Hi. Op, here. I think all of you have just reconfirmed my reasons for not wanting to do this. I already told my husband, and he completely understands. (Hes always told me not to worry about it, I just wanted to give him that if I could-if that makes sense and yes it was only supposed to be a one time thing) But I agree, we dont have issues, and we love and trust each other- I wouldnt want to spoil it or risk our relationship. Thanks for all your advice! I really appreciate it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Let's consider it logically.
If it goes well you have experienced 2 hours of sexual fun that becomes hazy as soon as it is over. Ie, you win, albeit very little in the short term.
On the other hand, if it goes badly, you lose a stable, trusting, close bond. You risk losing your marriage.
With those options in mind OP, it would be stupid to have the threesome if you had even the tiniest doubts about it. The potential gain is far outweighed by what you stand to lose.
I too am a bisexual female and we have had considered a threesome with my husband. In the end, while I love making him happy, I'd not be doing myself or him a favour if I knowingly jeopardized our relationship for casual fun. He's fine with that conclusion, obviously. I don't feel guilty about deciding against it because in my mind, I love him too much to risk what we have. We are incredibly happy - why spoil that?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (3 June 2014):
Threesome in a marriage can be very dangerous for your marriage…period. Threesomes are driven by lust, and lust has no off switch once it gets a foothold. I commend you on wanting to please your husband in every way, but would you still do it if it will cost you your marriage?
Men are very lust driven, and one time may not be enough. To satisfy that lust, we would go to great lengths, even at the cost of our marriages. Then we will turn around and blame it on the fact that you (wife) were boring, did not want to try anything new, and so on. Any man or woman driven by lust will never blame themselves for breaking up their relationship.
When you got married, it said “do you (your name) take this man (his name) to be your husband.” It did not say “do you take this man and other woman.” If he wanted a threesome he should have done it before marriage. Go buy a blow up doll and pretend. That way jealousy and insecurities will not get in the way.
No matter what we say, you may still go ahead and have a threesome. But why put yourself in a position where you will say “I shouldn’t have…” I am sure you do not want to be on this site warning people not to make your mistake. Learn from others.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 "He says the fun is all about me enjoying it too"
Men always say that when they want a threesome, making out you fulfilling His fantasy is some kind of gift to you.
This can only end badly, with jealousy, insecurity and resentment afterwards. This is one fantasy I think that should stay as just that...fantasy.
Mark
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (3 June 2014):
Nobody that I know who has tried this, has a relationship that has survived. It introduces a threat, which it seems to me is hard to get over. The event will replay in your mind and very move will be analysed.
If this threesome involved two men I wonder whether he would be so pleased.
Perhaps he finds your bisexuality a huge turn on and is just making the mistake of wanting to experience it himself.
The very most might be you and another girl with him watching and not being permitted to touch her. This would accommodate his curiosity and your need for him to be exclusive with you. However, in the heat of the occasion things could easily get out of control. Or, if you start on this path it may lead to more, a false sense of security and introduce problems that you can not overcome.
So, on the whole, just don't.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 OK most everyone here have covered the No side of the argument.
But I do have to tell you, there was a lady who posted here quite a long time ago now, who tried it and hated it, and her husband kept pushing for them to do it again. 3some's do wreck marriges you know.
Fantasies are also often best kept as fantasies.
So I will cover the Yes side.
Rules! Rules and more rules! The 3rd person has to be someone outside your social circle, no work friends or whatever. In other word's, they are long gone after you are finished.
Also make it clear that if YOU say its over, then they stop. Start slow with kissing and see how you feel abut that. If you don't want him to penetrate her, then say so. He can do that with you after all. He can just mess around with her.
Also be clear that this might be a one time thing, so he has to understand that it probably wont happen again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Big Big Mistake, don't do it or kiss your marriage goodbye. You will regret it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 Don't do it. You're apprehensive and scared and it hasn't even happened yet....imagine your condition during the act and the repercussions after it. Do you remember the movie Indecent Proposal? Demi Moore had sex with Robert Redford and although it was meant to be simply a business transaction, it rapidly spiraled out of control.
Jealousy is inevitable, especially if you love your partner and are possessive of them. I could NEVER share my B/f with anyone else no matter what and he obviously feels the same way about me. In a threesome, its as good as your partner cheating on you with someone else, in front of you.
How would your husband feel if there was a man involved in the threesome instead of a woman? A man would would touch you and kiss you and and penetrate you? Would he be OK with that? My guess is that he wont and in that case he should understand that you too wont be fine with another woman in bed with the two of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): No, no advice to boost your confidence because it's not a confidence issue. It's an issue of your love being exclusive to him and needing him to be exclusive to you, in every way including sexually.
I've had threesomes too and they were great fun but I draw the line at letting anyone, men or women, touch my wife sexually. I would never have a threesome with someone I'm in love with. It's just not in my nature, it'd be like watching my partner cheat right in front of my eyes and there is nothing that can change that for me.
OP one of my wife's fantasies is to have sex with a black guy, part of me would like to be able to provide her a way of fulfilling all her fantasies, but it's just one she'll never experience and she honestly doesn't care. In fact knowing how I'd feel about it happening, knowing how territorial I am about her makes the idea of doing it unappealing for her if you know what I mean. Plus to her the fact that I can't is something she understands because she too doesn't like the idea of me boning someone else.
OP show him what you've written here, and just apologise but it's not something you can ever see yourself being comfortable with. Of course he's free to indulge that fantasy as much as he wants but it can never be a reality. He won't mind, OP. You've had threesomes, they're fun but really they're only a novelty. He'll in no way feel bad or left out that he can't have that, you're more than enough for him, this is just a curiosity for him.
Who knows, OP, maybe in the future when the marriage is decades old and sex is less important you may want to dabble in some swingers activities or something. You never know, but it'd be better to put the idea to bed now. You're not denying him anything at all and he knows it because if you try while you feel this way about it, it will ruin everything and there'll be no turning back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Thank you, I appreciate your honesty and I am worried about residual jealousy or that contact wont be cut off, even though this is supposed to strictly be a one time thing. But I do love him and I DONT want to risk our marriage, by any means.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (3 June 2014):
I agree with wiseowl. Don't do it. I had a Threesome with my husband, when we first met, and it turned out fine. There is NO WAY I could handle it now, when we're so bonded and in love.
If you can find a substitute for an actual threesome, you should do that. Porn and roleplay should do the job.
Remember, once it is seen it can't be unseen. You might never get over it.
And if you are absolutely determined, please be sure to do it with a woman you don't know and aren't friends with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Most people stepping over that line regret it.
The problem with threesomes introduced into a marriage is; exposure to outsiders will become a habit. Then you'll accidentally meet someone you click with better than your mate. Marriages suffer enough from the usual trials and tribulations people go through in committed- relationships. Being exclusive takes a lot of effort. Challenging your trust, and pushing the boundaries isn't wise.
Too much pressure to do this is evidence of your husband's desire to be with other women. Why did you bother to marry each other; if you need to have sex with other people? You're opening a Pandora's Box. You will regret it.
Everything you fear can come to pass. He could find a woman he is more attracted to, or you might. If you love him; do you really want to take that chance?
Someone almost always gets jealous. The third party almost always likes one of the pair better. That will create a conflict that may not surface until long after the fact.
You run the risk of residual jealousy. If you are bisexual, it has been a long-time since you've been with a woman. You will be highly sensitive to his attraction to the other woman. You also forget that the third party may want to get back together with either of you. Trust will be destroyed; because you invited temptation in. It's very risky.
Are you sure you want to open that door? I am almost certain you will miss that side of yourself, and you will ruin your marriage behind it. If you want other people, do it as single people. Not as a married-couple.
Some things are better left to fantasy. The odds are highly against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Don't do it!! Trust your gut feeling!
Maybe find other ways to spice it up…role play, maybe? He may enjoy the fantasy of being with another girl without actually BEING with another girl.
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