A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 21 as well we have been together a year and 3 months. And we have lived together for a year. We both have had a horrible past in relationships. My past relationships has ruined me completely. I was with a guy when I was 15 who abuses me physically and emotionally he cheated on me all the time. He was the first guy I loved he was the first guy I ever had sex with. We dated for 8 months and then he ended up leaving to move to a different state without even telling me it was so hard for me. I finally decided to end things with him because he was cheating on me and got 3 girls pregnant. Any way I stopped talking to him in 2010 then I met this other guy in September of 2010 we started dating in October and I got pregnant. We stayed together for a year and 6 months he used to cheat on me as well. He broke up with me to be with another girl . it took me forever to get over him I was single for 9 months. Until I met my boyfriend now. The thing with him is the first girl he ever fell in love with hurt him really bad and he hasn't been the same since then. He's scared of falling in love because he don't wanna get hurt so when relationships get rough he cheats. He hasn't had sex with any girls except one and it was an ex its a long story to make the story short he wanted to get two of his ex's out of his life so he cheated on me with one and had sex with her for revenge to get them to stay out of his life because they had became friends and was talking to each other so he knew if he had sex with one she would tell the other one. We got past that. I too cheated on him with my child's father it was the worst mistake of my life and I'm not a cheater I've never cheated. I did it because I was feeling lonely and stuff. And thats when our relationship went down hill. He was in love with me but when i hurt him he just got distant with me and really didnt care anymore. That and i guess all the fighting and stuff. Any way every time we fight a lot or things are getting rough he talks to other girls. Or dates them but doesn't hang out with them. Now were in the situation where we don't know if we should stay together or not he said he needed time to think if he still wanted this. Our relationship is so hardand complicated. I blame my self because I constantly nag him and treat him like a kid. I don't let him do what he wants or go where he wants. Again past relationships has done that to me and made me this way. Any way my question is how do we fix this relationship and start over. And how can I learn to trust him and not be so controlling and bitchy all the time.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, fell in love, his ex, revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): I agree that there is never an excuse to cheat on somebody. It does not matter how bad your past relationships were. Bad previous relationships do not cause you to do these things. Unless you were diagnosed with PTSD from the physical abuse, there was no lasting damage done to your capacity to make wise decisions. If nothing else, you should be more wise.You still have the ability to love who you want to love and lose them too. Your heart did not actually sustain damage in those bad relationships. There is not actually scar tissue on it or any of that. It feels that way sometimes, but that is just attachment. It is a tool that evolution has hard wired into us to make sure we don't get separated from our mom when we are kids. It is not as fatalistic as it feels. You did not lose the love of your life and you probably haven't even met him yet, but he is who ever you decide he is.You decide if you want to love again and you decide how you want to treat people that you love. If you have issues that prevent you from having a healthy relationship, it might be a good time to take a little break.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 You have both cheated on each other and therefore you have both broke the trust in the relationship. It takes a lot of work to trust someone after this and sometimes the trust might never come back again that's the reality of how serious this is. There is never an excuse to cheat on someone as it damages that person a lot. You both need to learn to move on from the past and live for the future. If you both keep blaming the past for your actions now then you will never be able to move on.
You both need to sit down and talk about this relationship. You need to work out if its what you both want and if you are both in it for the long term. Then the best thing you can both do is go to a couples therapist and talk to them. Being controlling or clingy will push him away however this is caused by him talking to other girls. You both need to work hard to fix this relationship.
...............................
|
