| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband went out last night with some work colleagues for a work dinner. He said he would be home in a few hours. Well, he came home at 4 am this morning drunker than a skunk, no keys and lost his $700 cell phone and had the nerve to ask me this morning to drive him back to work, since he didn't have his car. Now he doesn't understand why I am mad at him. Why do men do this? We go out very seldom because he never wants to, but when we do he doesn't drink much and doesn't want to stay out too late. But when he goes out with his colleagues or friends it is always a super late night, a drinking binge and spouses are never invited. I feel like he has more fun with them than me. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Thank you to everyone for the advice. I agree with Caring Aunty A. I have no problem if he goes out, it was more the fact how drunk he was, woke up the whole household to get in, lost his cell phone and was rude to me. This is not the first incident of losing something I might add. Last time it was a work bag with his work comp, tablet and other electronic devices. So his going out gets expensive. I always say "If you play the game - you pay the price". So I made sure he got up for work and he had to suffer a bit and take the bus. I didn't make a huge deal out of it when he came home last night, but I did tell him that I have no problem if he goes out with his friends if he could just tone it down a bit and be home at a reasonable hour.I wanted to hear what others think because I know I can sometimes make a mountain out of a mole hill. I am in a new country and don't have many friends here, but I am going to try to arrange a girls night out! Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 June 2013):
 It may appear to you that he has more fun with his mates than with you; his wife when you go out… However, is his type of fun really fun? How does your time together compare with what he does as an individual? Is there quality time spent as a couple? Are you interested in letting your hair down once in a while or made suggestions?As for his behaviour, I too would not be impressed with him loosing all track of time – 4am during a working week, plus the wasted cost of replacing keys and a mobile if lost.However since it was a work dinner I would understand not being invited. But not the hour or condition in which he returned. As for the female spousal segregation ‘never’ being invited when he’s out with friends I wouldn’t accept that personally as it’s too ridge for me, I don’t kindly accept being put/kept in my place; unless that is your accepted method of practice.For me; my fella doesn’t have to understand why I would be upset/mad if this occurred, because I’d tell him there and then; enough said. Plus I’d run my errands first due my commitments before obliging him to be on time for his work. That would have been the first and second consequence as it was his choice to stay out late etc. The third, is per what some Aunts having prescribed – a girls night out!?Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, scorned316  +, writes (13 June 2013):
When this happens the best advice is to act like you don't care. When he goes out don't text him or call. Just act as if you are happy then he'll wonder what's going on
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (13 June 2013):
I really don't have a too much of problem with what he did. If this was a common practice for your husband then yes, this is a major problem. But to go out and have some "clean" fun would not be a problem in my house. I would explain my disappointment in the lack of communication on his part.
You have to look at the over all picture of your marriage. If he is inconsiderate like this with you, your children and other responsiblilties all the time. You have a problem.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 June 2013):
 I agree, arrange your own nights out with your girlfriends and go an have some fun.
Men are selfish, they put themselves first so he's just being true to form. He's acted like a jackass, got drunk, stayed out and lost his phone...it happens and the best way to beat him at his own game is to go have fun yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2013): I agree with the other post that binge drinking is not actually that much fun. I would strongly suggest you plan things for yourself... an overnight stay at a spa with the girls or just a trip to the coast - but make sure you stay overnight and do not text or call your partner - keep him wondering for a change. No need to get drunk but you can prove that you can have a GREAT time without him. You can do a much better night out without the immaturity he displays. If he continues his laddish behaviour then maybe he is just not a grown up yet?! Some men never really do.... is that a man you want in your life?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 June 2013):
 Hi
I find it quite funny am afraid. It's just what some men do, if it was every night or weekend then it's different. He's just letting off steam and I admire his stamina on a week night. Plus if he was that drunk still at 4am its just as well he didn't drive to work today.
If you feel he is having more fun than you then expand your own social life, have a few girls nights or plan a weekend away with your friends. You don't have to rely on him for ALL your social life.
If you start going out I bet he will step up more frequently too.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 June 2013):
 Yeah, I have a couple of thoughts!
First, tell him to get a cab back to his car. He shouldn't be coming home at 4am rip roaring drunk on a work night anyways. That's the sort of thing alcoholics do!
Second, trust me, getting slobber drunk isn't all it's cracked up to be! You may think he's having a load of fun going out until 4am, but I guarantee that the next morning, you're in much better shape than he is!
Third, What about you? Don't you have friends you can take off with? As in Girl's night out, no men allowed? Men can go out and pump poison into their system, but what about you and a few friends going out traveling? Take a cruise to the Caribbean! Take a trip to the Red Rocks of Sedona! Go wild in Vegas! You're in the best years of your life, and you don't need *him* in order to go have a blast!
Also, I could understand if he's leaving you every single weekend and during the week, and you have kids, and he's not caring about whether or not you get some escape yourself, or he's neglecting his job or his tasks when it comes to the family. Once in awhile, his taking off with the guys and cutting loose is healthy actually, but he's a grown adult. If he wants to do this sort of thing, it's not fair to you that he expects you to clean up his messes. It's also not fair if he costs the house $700 to get a new phone. Hopefully, the customer service company can GPS locate it! DOn't even think of calling them FOR him.
As for you being mad at him, don't get mad! Get indifferent...UNLESS he's showing signs of alcoholism. Then it would be time to get really concerned. If he's binge drinking a LOT, and he's drinking at home like that too, then yeah...there are some things needing to be changed.
Also, if you're missing his company, don't compare his time with you to his time with the guys and get mad that it seems he has more fun with them. You don't have to go out drinking with him in order to spend time with him if that's not your thing. If you feel your marriage has cooled off, then tell him what's really bothering you instead of make the issue out of the symptom. Tell him point blank that you feel like your marriage has gone stale, and that you feel like he wants to get away from you. Have a real conversation!
Other than that, never rely on him as your sole source of fun! He shouldn't be the only one having a blast with friends! In fact, once he realizes you're not quite so predictable and the tables are turned with YOU taking off and having a blast without HIM, human nature is funny in the way that all of a sudden, he'll be running after YOU trying to get alone with you every chance he can!
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