A
female
age
51-59,
*oadlesstaken
writes:My husband is friends with a female coworker and lately it has been making me feel uneasy. My husband and his female coworker started working in the same building about 8 months ago. Prior to that they worked for the same company, but in cities that are 30 miles apart. Seven years ago this female coworker and my husband were at a training together and she told him that he should have asked her out when they were both single because she wanted to go out with him. My husband and I had just gotten married after dating for 13 months. Every year since then my husband has said that she sends him an e-mail for his birthday, Christmas and our son's birthday. She has never met our son and has never met me, so I do not understand why she is sending happy birthday messages to him. He has never shown me any e-mails that she has sent him. The company is having a wives seminar next week. I received a letter in the mail about this seminar. However, my husband stated that he had known about the letter for the seminar for a week but, had not told me. He said that he had not told me about the seminar because I was going to find out about it anyway when I received the letter. He also stated that his female coworker was going to help with the seminar and that he and she had discussed it a week before I got the letter. I can not go to the seminar due to a work commitment. He also stated that they discuss a lot of stuff. She is supposedly going through a divorce after being married a short time and that they discuss our son, my career, her kids etc. He also said that she is always telling him that he looks good (he is working out with a trainer) Also, she had a party for her child but only invited my husband and our son. My husband did not go. It just seems like they have gotten to be really close friends. I feel really uncomfortable about their friendship. Should I say something to him and her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Hugs from me . Hang in there. If you want to fight for him then, and it starts at the wives seminar. Be strategic and be conniving if you need to. Remember she did not respect the boundaries of your marriage and she openely persued your hb, SO why play fair. Yes you are hurting and naturally devastated BUT you need to pull yourself together and think of a plan to salvage this marriage ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. Your hb has taken too much of liberties already time to get him back in check. TELL the other woman to stay away from him, TELL her that you are prepared to fight ( and darling, why don’t wives not want to fight dirty???) for your marriage. As for hubby, work him . dictate if you need to, he think you are meek and so understanding. Remember SHE did not think anything to get with yur hb, you owe her no niceties. You owe her no explanation. You need to play this all out to your advantage and both mistress and hb would not know what hit them. It all starts at the seminar and girl, you go get her. Dress well, new haircut, new ATTITUDE and new vigour. You need to protect your kid and home and it starts with eliminating the *hore. Strategise and be brave. Remember this is the fight that will determine the rest of your life. At least if you do eventually divorce you would have known that you gave it your best shot. Then walk away and rebuild your life slowly.Good luck, plse send an update. do not let your hb walk all over you. as for the *hore, teach her a lesson she would NEVER forget.
A
female
reader, Roadlesstaken +, writes (11 November 2009):
Roadlesstaken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone's responses. I did talk to my husband and he confirmed my suspicions. He said that he is very interested in his coworker and that he did not know if he wanted to stay married or get a divorce. He told me that they have a lot in common and that they both care a lot for each other. I am so sad and at that same time I am also angry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Trust your gut. Seems like this woman is deliberately excluding you from her “friendship” with your husband. You hb may be the pillar of strength to this woman but seems like they may have crossed emotional boundaries. There is a reason you are uneasy about this relationship is because your sixth sense is kicking in. Your inner voice is speaking to you are warning you about a possible enemy in your marriage.
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A
male
reader, generalist  +, writes (9 November 2009):
I guess both of them are good friends and seeing the number of years they have been together it comes naturally that they know everything about each other.
you can do two things
1.Do frindship with her
2.And go to a seminar and get a feel of her...
what happenes is ,once you start talking to her on phone and u actually interact with her ,you will get to know what kind of person is she .Once you are sure about her you will, also ,be sure about what kind of relationship your husband shares with her...
see its very important to go to a depth and see both of the sides and then speak to your husband..
possibility that she is a very good lady and your discomfort goes away....
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (9 November 2009):
 I think you are right to be uncomfortable. There are many signs of either an existing affair or one that could catch fire easily.
If you decide to speak up, don't do it impulsively and make any accusations or come across as a jealous, insecure wife.
Personally, I think before you approach either of them I think you ought to step up your own appeal as much as possible.
Take charge and get to know her yourself, make sure she sees your face and knows that you are not some vague person to be dismissed. Its a lot easier for someone to come on to your husband if they can pretend you don't really exist. Be confident and HOT! Make sure she knows it won't be easy to compete with what you have to offer.
Start changing your routines as much as possible so that you are at as many events with your husband as possible so that not just her but everyone knows you and sees you as a loving supportive wife... and will make her and him look poorly if they cross any lines.
I know its easy to think that if your husband loves you its his responsibility to protect the marriage... and that is true but its also your responsibility to defend the marriage against temptations. And based on your age, you and your husband are probably at a vulnerable age.
You also have a young child so there's a good chance that you and your husband aren't acting like lovers. That needs to change too... you have to be a woman first and a mother second. Try to bring back a little of the early sparkle and fun...
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