A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i been married for 17 years i love my husband to bits we used tohave a brilliant sex life now its non existant we make plans to spend time for just us but it never happens he is a hard worker he gives me and the children anything we want and more but the only things i want from him is love and afffection,and he dont if i say i going out with my friend he says i was hoping for a take away and spend some time with you i stay home nothing ever happens he is watchin porn on the internet while i sleeping when i say about it he makes out that i am in the wrong its normal he told me he dont fancy me nomore cause i left myself go the harder i try to get close to him the more neglected i feel when he rejects me i really do love him but hate feeling like this i feel like a failier.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Ur not a failure! Ur just a mother and a wife who wants to feel like one again. It seems like the spark has faded a lil..time to put it back in. Have u changed? Maybe gained a lil weight, wearing those frumpy sweat pants, and baggy tees, ur hair is thrown back into a ponytail, and most of ur makeup is past the point of expiration..a friend of mine( older, been through two divorces) told me u should never get comfy w a man..And my mother always told me, men like a put together woman. Meaning, a lil makeup, hair styled and colored, mani and pedi, slightly tan, and stays on the trim side. Keeping up on the beauty maintenance, it is some work and since ive been married ive slacked on it a lil..I would suggest brightening urself up and that alone will give u self confidence..when u radiate with that confidence ur husband will def notice, and wont keep his hands off of u
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 It may seem "shallow" but the physical things are important for men especially for the kind of man who is a "provider" which is the way that you make your husband sound.
Have you let yourself go? Take a hard look at yourself. Look at old photos and look at the way you are now. Ask friends for an honest assessment and then do something about it.
My wife is 39. She has 3 children 8 and under. At 110 lbs she weighs only about 5 lbs more than she did when we married 12 years ago and in my eyes she is more beautiful now than she was then. I know that it takes effort and willpower for her to stay so slim and beautiful and feminine and I know that she does it for me and I love her for it. It is one way that she manifests her love for me. She's no airhead bimbo with time on her hands either, she runs a business and earns $200k+ a year.
It isn't only looks that comprise femininity. We have a maid who cooks quite well but once a week or so, when she knows that I'll be coming home on time, my wife will cook a full meal herself and get out the nice plates and silver and so on and have the children sitting down - it's frankly a bit like an advert from the 1950s but I love that she makes the effort and right or wrong her doing more feminine things makes me feel like more of a man and that helps our marriage.
Take action. There is no man that doesn't notice when his wife shapes up a little. He will love that you are making the effort.
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A
female
reader, Dr.Ski +, writes (2 August 2010):
No marriage should be like that, but no matter what, never lose faith! your marriage just needs a little sit down! talk too him and explain EVERYTHING, your a girl, and us girls sure know how too express our feelings... if you can explain it too him like you have too us 'agony aunt's' Then im sure his male mind might make a understanding xx
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