A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi! ours is a love marriage. Both of us are doctors. No matter how much work I do at home, it doesnt satisfy him. For ex, when my maid didnt come, i cleaned the house, washed dishes and clothes, cooked, went to work and after coming back i prepared dinner, fed our two kids. Having drained completely, I didnt make bed. He was upset about that and was complaining about that. Few days later, after having finished all the work, i left a plate on the dining table coz I had to manage my 1 yr old son. Next day, he is complaining about that. I feel drained, exhausted. How much of housework should i do to satisfy him. He makes me feel Im incompetent. Most of the times, I feel like leaving him except for the sake of my kids. He is a loving father though. N he says I cannot handle criticism. Even a simple conversation can turn into a big argument. I have had enough of being criticised. I dont deserve it. Just wanted to share my feelings. If anybody could help, i wud b v happy. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): If you both are doctors you are professional equals...and you can probably afford to higher a housekeeper so you don't keep having these arguments.
If he puts you down for being a housekeeper than doesn't meet his standards, then perhaps reminds him that you are professional equals. If he needs you to be a housekeeper to respect you as well, then I think you should remind him of all the gendered side roles he might not fullfill:
Is he built like superman?
Is he always brave and stoic?
Honestly, it sounds like he's just annoyed your not his mother...typical mama's boy.
A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (20 March 2011):
You are both Doctors,you both have no doubt equally worked hard to become Doctors,but this is not an equal relationship.Its difficult to judge this as you come from a different culture to me.
all i can suggest to you is to catch him when he is in a good mood,sit down and tell him how you feel.You say you marriage is a love marriage,but there doesn't sound like there is much love in it at the moment.Start off by talking about why you love him and the positives he brings to you,then gently tell him how you feel.
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Either have him do some housework or have a live in nanny. You are both doctors and you deserve some quiet time to yourself. Having a young child can be the most testing period in your relationship. When you both calm down, express your feelings in a more neutral tone, and plan romantic night outs to remind yourself how much you love each other. You've come to the right place because most of us have been there, thinking about leaving too. The Indian men I know are very quiet. I can't get any words out of them! So if your husband is quiet maybe you can find non verbal ways of expressing love. Go out, do things not just work work work. Your son grows very fast so cherish that baby face. Before you know he will be independent and you will miss being a mother.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 He is being a nit-picking-control freak. How much does he do around the house? Not much I am guessing, because that's your job right?? Well you have the same job he has, you are both doctors working crazy hours. So why should you have to cook and clean more than he does? Do you criticise everything he does? I bet you wouldn't dare... The next time he complains about something, I'd tell him if he doesn't like the way you do thing, he can do it himself. Stop letting him wear you down. You aren't the one who has to change, he is.
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