A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband 10 years, married for 3. We are still very happy in our relationship and everything apart from this one issue is normal. We still have sex as of normal too, in fact the past month or so it's been every day so I can't complain about that and I think that's the reason this issue has triggered me. He doesn't kiss me at ALL, it's been like this for years now. Even at the beginning of our relationship he wasn't too into kissing and never even used tongues.. He has a very strange intimacy issue with this and every time I try talking to him about it he snaps my head off and starts an argument. It's really bothering me lately and making me upset. Before him I'd kissed loads of people it's always been something I enjoyed and assumed normal until I met him. The other day I got annoyed and asked him why he doesn't kiss me. He said he just doesn't really enjoy it and don't feel the need for it. I told him well I need it to feel more intimate it's not normal to not kiss at all. I then told him if he doesn't at least try I'm going to have to start kissing other men (I wouldn't actually do this, but I said it out of anger to scare him).Of course it didn't go down well and he didn't like that, told me I can't justify cheating because of that etc. The truth is I can't stop thinking about kissing other men now. I mean is that really a surprise when my own husband won't kiss me. What am I meant to do? Am I meant to just not kiss again now for the rest of my life because he doesn't like it??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2018): If your husband LOVES you, HE WILL make more of an effort to make you happy. Why should you be the only one compromising? Not kissing is unusual. Start by asking him for pecks on the cheek and quick kisses on the lips when he leaves for work etc. This will help create a stronger bond and reduce your resentment. Baby steps towards making the kisses longer...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2018): Everyone has been siding with hubby. I don't think they realize how important kissing is to human connection. Without it, your connection diminishes and yes, fades away. Read up on the importance of kissing. You believed in him, loved him and hoped for the best. Who can fault you? Love makes us do crazy things. The question is what will you do about it now?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2018):
 So you knew he ha this issue before you married him? YET you stayed with him for 7 years dating and 3 married...
And NOW "out of the blue" you want to kiss other men... What exactly happened that you got to that point?
Did you PRESUME he would start liking to kiss along the way or after you got married? Because that is unrealistic.
Kissing other men would fix what? It would make him WANT to kiss you? It would suddenly fix his issue with kissing? No, it would probably destroy what you two have.
Instead FIND other ways to be intimate with him. Not just trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2018): Not kissing is a biggie for me. It is what starts the whole sexual experience for me. The less he kisses, the less satisfied I am and the more I feel like a sex doll. The intimate and deep connection is through kissing. In fact, a beautiful kissing session can sometimes rival the entire act of sex itself!! No kissing takes the emotional connection away.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2018):
 Kissing is just like any other intimate/sexual activity.
If you replaced "kissing" with something like "anal" or "swallowing", or some other activity that YOU aren't comfortable doing, how would you feel if your husband told you that he would get it from elsewhere??
YES, kissing is a more global activity, but there are a lot of people who don't go for it, especially with tongues.
Youcannotbeserious is absolutely right. Are there other things that might help, like kissing on the neck or forehead, or small kisses instead of the full wide-open mouth tongue?
Also, you might not like to hear this, and he might not be telling you this, but there ARE people who are bad kissers, and he might not mesh with how YOU kiss. If you go full on wide-open mouth with tongue, he might not like it. If you kiss too hard where he can't get air, or make him feel claustrophobic, or you're biting his lips (that happens!) too much, he might not like it either.
Also, people don't talk about this, but if your breath isn't absolutely smelling like a rose, that's the biggest turn-off when it comes to kissing. No one likes to kiss rotten morning breath or sub-par hygiene. Those tonsils better be CLEAN and smelling minty-fresh before you commence to playing hockey!
Here's a tip. Ask him how a GOOD kiss feels to him. If he kisses you, let HIM take the lead. ONLY match him in what HE does to you! Don't get all plecostamus and start smothering him. (the plecostamus are those fish that suck themselves to the side of the fish tank by their mouths).
Pull back after a couple of small pecks. Let HIM control things. Even people who don't like to kiss, when given breathing room, will feel something good. Then STOP the kiss right before it gets really hot and heavy. Let it be a give-and-take dance, and don't use your tongue. Use your LIPS, and don't open your mouth wide enough to drive a train through.
But stop threatening to kiss other men. Would you want him to threaten you like that because of a sexual activity that YOU aren't comfortable with? You married him knowing he wasn't much of a kisser. Before marriage is when you decide whether things are dealbreakers.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 September 2018):
 How sad for you BOTH. He obviously feels incapable of doing this and you obviously feel you are missing out on something important to YOU.
Does he show affection in other ways? Would you enjoy a kiss on the forehead if he was capable of doing that? Relationships, especially long term ones, are all about compromise. Can you two work on him perhaps giving you small kisses in a way he can handle? Perhaps kissing your neck or other area he does not find intimidating?
If this is something he really cannot do, then don't take it personally (difficult as I am sure that is). I would advise taking a holistic view of your relationship and working on compromises so that you are both satisfied.
Threatening him will not improve your relationship. I am sure you already know that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (26 September 2018):
 Sometimes you just have to let go of things. He's never showed an interest in kissing, you can't expect that to change. I feel sad for you and your husband if you feel this is a deal breaker, and that you would consider kissing another man. Look at all the positives in your marriage, and focus on them. Stop putting all your attention on this one aspect of your marriage. Unless there is something else on your mind that you're not addressing, and you are using the lack of kissing to distract you, and trying to lay blame on your husband. And in future, try having these kind of conversations when you're NOT annoyed. You will only ever put the other person on the defensive, and not achieve what you want.
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2018): You knew your husband wasn't much into kissing before you married him. If he doesn't enjoy doing it, how will he be able to make it enjoyable for you?
Kissing requires a passionate feeling for it. There are all sorts of reasons many people don't like it.
There's a problem when you know something about your partner that they don't like to do, that is really important to you. Yet you still up and marry that person. You don't go as far as marrying someone with the intent to change them. That accounts for so many divorces. Loving someone; but thinking you will fix them, or change them. Expecting something from them that they don't do, can't, or won't offer.
Sex is good and frequent. Unfortunately, kissing isn't his thing. Everybody has a quirk. Like some guys like doing oral-sex on their partner; but won't kiss while making-love.
Most of the time, it's a fear of showing vulnerability, dislike for the smell or taste of another person's mouth (hoping you're not a smoker), and the attitude that kissing is kind of silly.
Many guys just don't get all into it; or as they get more familiar with their partner, it fades-out of the love-making process. It simply becomes less practiced. Your relationship has matured; but fortunately, you don't miss-out on the good stuff.
Stop pressing him on it. Nothing is enjoyable or real; that you have to force your partner to do. He dislikes it so much it causes arguments. Learn to lay-off things that causes more harm than good.
Kissing other men will destroy your marriage. Is a kiss worth that much? Ask for it as your anniversary gift.
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