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Husband has gone off sex

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 September 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *hams writes:

Hi I m Shams I m married I have a question. When I married my sex life is 2 or 3 days a week and after then one day a week and now don't know how many months a day then why???? I love to having sex with my husband and he was like tomorrow and then next day same answer tomorrow I don' t understand why is happend? Any answer??????

Thank you!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009):

Your husband is passive-aggresive. That's what they do, punish you by witholding sex and then promising "later." He's trying to prove to himself that he doesn't depend on you---for anything. He's pushing you around by witholding sex, and making you doubt yourself instead of him. He's angry and can't express it, so he punishes with no sex.

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A male reader, Ngene michael Nigeria +, writes (22 September 2009):

Ngene michael agony auntYour husband might have his reason for not having sex with you often.he is the only one that can tell you exactly whats on his mind,try being romantic to him then you can then tactically probe out his reason.further more his age determines because if he is up to 45,he might not be too sexually excited,and if you are much younger than him then you have to understand that your libido for sex is much higher than him.marriage is a bond that makes two person to become one,you both should be very intimate in every facet of your marital issue then you can find solution on how to resolve the problem even if he is sexually depressed.but dont conclude of anything yet untill you find exactly whats wrong okay.

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A male reader, softtouchmale2003 United States +, writes (22 September 2009):

softtouchmale2003 agony auntThere are a number of reasons why this is happening. It could be boredom and it could be other things.

He needs to open up and tell you why it is that he's running from sex with you.

One way to do that is to sit down with him and seriously address this. If he says "tomorrow" or something other than the reasons why he's avoiding sex with you, then you have to tell him that you need sex as part of your relationship.

Sex is a very important part of intimacy. Perhaps there's something that he's looking for that he's not getting out of the marriage. Perhaps the intimacy isn't sufficiently cultivated.

Are you spending enough time together? Are you physically intimate in other ways besides sex? Are you emotionally connected? Each one of these questions is going to lead up to the sex part.

Think of it this way, when we fall in love there's a great deal of emotional intimacy going on. Couples begin to connect on various levels of trust, acceptance, emotional connections that run deep, common activities that breed passion for one another, and a great deal of physical touching and embracing.

If you two aren't kissing, holding hands, touching each other every day; if you're not talking about each others' feelings and happiness; if you're not contributing to each others' needs and expectations, then sex is going to get boring or lacking completely.

The only other possible explanation would be if he's seeing someone else and sex with you is just not an option anymore.

So he needs to tell you what's going on and why he's not feeling sexually active with you anymore.

Its hard to gauge this without some more details particularly from his perspective.

If talking doesn't do the trick, try counseling if that'll help. But absent some resolution to this problem, the two of you are going to be miserable.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (22 September 2009):

Sometimes when men find 'the one', we lose the urge to have sex as often. Sometimes, we have erectile issues that cause us a lot of embrassment. Sometimes we're depressed. What I'm saying is that there are a lot of reasons. Gently, you need to tell him that you miss your sex life and would love to have more. Hopefully he'll open up a bit. Try that. x

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