A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husbands ex wife want hem to start having supervice visitation with their 14year old daughter. All because her daughter told her that we had a argument in front of her and that she no longer wants to come over because of that.witch I could understand why she would be upset, but then again I'm upset because the daughter comes over to our house and is always talki g down on her mom how her mom sleeps around and does all this crazy stuff around her so I'm confuse why is she so up set that her dad and I had a small argument and goes and tell her mom.so now her mom is threatend my husband by saying that he will not be seeing hhe's child any more unless its a supervice visitation by her or wen she say wen and wher witout me in the picture beacusr all of a sudden her daughter doesn't like. She has aalways given us a hard time wen it come down to their daughter its always been her way or no way at all .we have always gone our way to do everything when she says because if we don't then she will keep their daughter from my husband.so now she is trying to tell hem that hes not gonna see her unless I'm not around and when she says or else she is gonna take it to court and said that she gonna make hem look bad in what way I don't know because hes never done anything wrong at all if anything he does everything she say...so now I'm worried because I don't think its fair that she get to decide when and wher and who can be around and who can't be around. now the daugthr is also saying she doesnt want me around.my husband and I have a 2year old child together I really hate the thought of hem having to leave just to go see he's other child wen she can just come over and be here wit us but because ahe upset she want to do things her way idk what to do or think idk what's gonna happend really need sum advixe big time should I be worried abt it or not?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 She cant just make demands like this, she is using their child to blackmail him and that is not fair.
Get a lawyer involved and see where your husband stands - I presume when he split up with his ex wife they had a custody agreement in place with visitation for the child. Therefore if it says in the custody agreement that he can only see the child during supervised visits, then he has to follow that. However if they never agreed that in the first place, she cannot randomly just change her mind whenever she wants.
So get your husband to speak to a lawyer to see what he should do next - the sensible thing (providing he does have a custody agreement in place which he has never broken) would be for him to talk to her, explain that legally she cannot make him have supervised visits because you never agreed to it. He then needs to explain to her that she can only demand supervised visits if the child is in danger from him, and she knows that is not true so she needs to stop this silly idea.
If she still wont back down then take her to court - simple as that. She has no evidence to support a request for supervised visits, as I said before the court would only rule in favour of supervised visits if the child is in danger and a simple argument between her step mum and her dad is not classed as 'danger'. The daughter would also be required to testify saying that she felt she was in danger around her own father, and I very much doubt she would make up lies that serious and then lie in court.
Try and stay out of this as much as you can, this is between your husband and his ex. He needs to speak to her to get her to stop being silly, and if she wont back down then call her bluff and take her to court to prevent her from blocking access to his child. Legally she is not allowed to prevent the father of her child from seeing the child unless she has a very valid reason (i.e. the child is in danger), so she wont be able to prove anything in court and will end up looking very foolish.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 November 2013):
 First of that would be between the court-ordered visitations, whatever is in the divorce decree or whatever is ARRANGED between the FATHER and the MOTHER.
It has nothing to do with YOUR 2 year old. You BF and his Ex-wife will have to sort this out either between them or through lawyers. If the mother is the primary caregiver she CAN ask for supervised visits. Doesn't mean she will get them.
It might not seem fair to you, but really there isn't anything YOU can do, as the child isn't yours.
My husband had to see his oldest kids for the first 6 months (since the mom moved out of state and across country he wasn't able to go visit for a long while, as he was stationed with the military far away) when we got married we got orders to live in the same state and his ex wife demanded that he should have supervised visits, because he hadn't seen them in a long while (3 years) he agreed, because no matter what demands the ex-wife made, he felt if the court agreed with her, he would do what it takes to see his kids.
It worked out for him and the kids.
Don't forget if it's a social worker who supervise, they can also decide that it's no longer needed. And also, it's not EVERY case that a Judge will agree that supervised visits are needed. She might just be full of air, the 14 year old might be having a little to much "fun" creating drama and attention.
I would step back a little. A 14 year old can't DICTATE if you can be in the home when she visits or not. THAT is not for her to decide, she is 14. I would suggest that instead of her staying over, that he goes spend time out of the house with her, bring her home to her mom and he comes home to you.
Step back and let the daughter and her dad get some time with each other out of the house. I certainly wouldn't let a 14 year old dictate if YOU can be in your own home.
Take a deep breath, and see if the mom even takes it to court. Can be she is just threatening to get the Dad to do whatever. LET them sort it out, it's their child. Unfortunately that is what happens when you are with someone who has children & baggage.
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