A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had sex with my stepfather when i was 33 yrs old i was very drunk, i don't remember much, this was a year before i met my husband. After 10 years together he found out and wants to leave me. He said he can't handle the fact that this happened and my stepfather has been around him. He thinks i'm lying but it i told him he raped me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): You had consensual sex with your step father and lied to your hb and claimed you were raped.I abore women who lie about rape. No wonder your hb is so pissed. You and your step paps kept the dirty from your hb and possibly your mother.I don't blame your hb for wanting nothing more to do with you.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): You have thrown a little bit of distrust up by saying that you were raped by a step father, and yet you let this stepfather have contact with your husband. That's not the normal behavior. Also it leads to the suspicion that you are just covering up. Your husband has lost trust in you.You broke your husband's heart.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (20 April 2011):
 He's probably more hurt that you weren't up front about it from the start of your relationship. I would feel the exact same way if my fiance told me that he had slept with his step-mother at some point before meeting me. Especially if we had been around her throughout our relationship. Drunk or not, it's bad enough thinking about your partner with previous partners, but to think that they were with someone THAT close to them and who you've come in contact with and thought of as family is another story entirely. I don't know if I would leave, but I would feel like the trust between us had been broken, and he would absolutely have to rebuild it, and I might even want some time away from him to see if I could even try to work things out. This was a big blow, and I'm guessing that he heard it through the grapevine and not from you directly, which probably made him feel like a fool and majorly insecure. Try and talk to him about it if you like, but you have to understand that this might be too much for him. Offer him some space to clear his head. Offer to stay somewhere and give him as long as he needs. Just please don't make him feel like he's being irrational or immature about the situation. He's absolutely validated in his feelings about this. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): He thinks you're lying because you are. You just said you had sex with him when you were drunk so why did you tell your husband he raped you?
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Well, when someone keeps their rapist close to them, it does seem kind of hard to believe that it was actually rape.
Stay far away from your step father if he actually forcibly raped you, vs you being drunk and him being drunk as well.
If he actually did rape you vs you being drunk and him being drunk and your husband doesn't believe you, leave your husband.
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A
male
reader, Crabman  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 there is an expectation that if it was "rape" then there should be hostility towards the "attacker"
by the sound of it this should be described as a regrettable drunken event !
However things that happen before you meet someone have nothing to do with you , tell him to wake up
10 years is to long for him to worry about it if you have gotten over it !
unless he just wants out & is using this as an excuse ......
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