A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 5 years, and lately I have been REALLY unhappy and torn. My husband is a binge drinker on the weekends. He ignores me often, and can be very verbally abusive after drinking. I feel like 10% of the time I'm really happy, 80% of the time indifferent, and 10% of the time miserable with him. While I love him and don't want to get a divorce I'm so torn. I'm afraid of things getting worse, but I'm also afraid of what he'll do if I leave. He won't do counseling. I think he really loves me, and hasn't done anything horrible to me. He'll be so depressed if I leave. To make matters worse, I am feeling attracted to a man who is nice to me at work, and it makes me think that I can be happy with someone who treats me better. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Dear Lady,
I would not like to jump to conclusion and start taking judgment that your DH is not good and you should separate etc etc etc. First of all 'D' is not a good option for you. Just because he drinks and he is worrying about many other things than you, it does not mean other husband will not do the same after you go through painful 'D' and then discover other is even worse. Some things comes comes as package from Male sex ( and just like Female sex) and we need to love the weakness of them. There may be some tensions behind his behaviour. HOw are you doing financially. how is he doing in work? etc etc? how is your relationship with his beloved relatives ( sisters, inlaws, brothers etc etc ) . So there may be some reason, which you can wait to fix or do some thing to fix and it will improve.
In no commitment situation, it is easy to be nice. I can be as nice or even nicer than the men you met, if you talk to me and treat to you like queen, but i am not willing to marry you. I can have sex with you and forget you after exploiting your situation. So forget completely the guy that you are attracted to. It will be biggest mistake of your life. you are lucky that you have a committed DH and loving DH. It seems you know that he loves you very much. Believe me it is very hard to get.
So work within your family rather than asking question here. ( sorry for hard words, but it is what i sincerely felt will help you)
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 You need to face the real issues at hand.
If your relationship is in serious trouble.you have a choice to sit and do nothing , dwell on your miseries or you can take the responsibility and change things.
You can either be a doormat or a martyr or you can look elsewhere for your emotional nurturing and happiness.
Most women find it difficult to leave a relationship because of the financial security , emotional dependence and social status.
The can be concerned with the well being of their children or felt guilty, shame and the lack of support.
Unless some thing drastic happens , they will come to a turning point where they will have to decide to leave.
Tell your man to shape up or be shipped out.
You had enough of his sh*t and if he is not going the same way as you are, you would dump him.
You need to kick his ass and get him to wake up from his stupor.
Best of luck to you
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 March 2010):
Walk from your husband. You have tried everything, and it hasn't worked. It's no longer your problem. This is something that can't be fixed, because he won't change at all, and has made it clear by not doing counselling or giving the drink up. If you leave, anything that happens to him is his fault. You can't sit there in an unhappy marriage, staying only because he'll be depressed. Because in another ten years, you will just hate him and resent not having left. This other attraction to this other man is only around because you're feeling unloved by your husband. You are right, you can be happier elsewhere. But if you do leave, take your time over yourself and really focus on yourself. Don't jump into anything. But I would really advise you to leave your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Are you only really noticing the binge drinking because someone is showing interest in you? Also, if you love your husband then try to fix things with him. Tell him you are unhappy and that his drinking is gettign to you. If he refuses to change then you can explore options with other people. We really only have one life and no point spending it miserable. Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (17 March 2010):
What do you want??????????
Forget your husband - you are not a doctor. you must decide what you want. You paint a gloomy picture to me it tells me that you are unhappy.
You must discuss it with him and tell him how you feel (husband). Explain eithet he gets help or he is out or you are off. Do not be scared or embarrassed to do this, at the moment your marriage is already well on route to cessation and divorce. It is that bad.
As for the guy at work do not go there until this is sorted and if so tell him that. I fear he has already tuned into what is a foot here, and may well take advantage of your vulnerability.
Sort this this weekend - pm me if you wish
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Do you have any kids?
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