A
female
age
51-59,
*.....
writes:Frustrated at most, I've been married for 22 yrs and I'm still young early 40s ,however have hit a rough patch in my marriage which entails my husband can't preform the sexually act because he is busy watching porn ... We do have opposite schedules were I work days and he works nights so with that being said we have only the weekends to play , and I'm noticing I can't do it for him.I feel Who starts something so erotic but then can't complete the task at hand . As a woman I start to wonder . Oh and I am attractive but again just not to him .... So you see it truly has effected our marriage we fight so much over this and now I'm masturbating and it's getting old! What do others do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): What has he said about all this when you talk to him?
OP you sound very confrontational is that how you speak to him about this whole thing? Because I'd ignore any person who is wound up as you sound. I'd be far more inclined to listen to a serious, calm discussion about your worries, but you come across very combative.
What has he got to say about all this? Why hasn't he stopped or made more of an effort? You don't say OP.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I'm really surprised no one has linked to this site yet, but you should take a look: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
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A
female
reader, D..... +, writes (18 February 2013):
D..... is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't care about the type of porn ... Porn is porn no matter how you explain it , the end result is its porn . Yes we but heads on this and honestly I'm drained. As far as healthy sex appetites we have them but again I don't want a cheap organism I want a real penis and bodies rubbing and grinding against each other ... And I think deep down it also makes me jealous that he would want the opposite ... Again I have 2 choices accept it or leave so how do you tell your children mom and dad are done . And the fucked up part do you tell them daddy couldn't fuck mommy and that's why it's over their dad is addicted to porn .. Oh and my kids are 21 and 17 old enough to understand the why of it all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): It sounds like the whole issue has become a bit of a warzone. Instead of butting heads about it have you considered just having a discussion about the porn?Do you know what kind of porn he's interested in? Does he know what you are thinking about when you're masturbating? Do you think maybe there are areas where your fantasies cross over and you could talk about them and actually use it as a way to kick start your sex life? Have you tied masturbating in front off each other?Clearly you both still have a sex drive, the problem is that you're pursuing it seperately. Perhaps you just need to look at ways you can incorporate your fantasies into the sex you have together?
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (18 February 2013):
OK, that's helpful.
Your assumption could be correct - it could be that he's become accustomed to lazy, instant gratification from porn.
It could be, though, that after all those years, the 'same old' with you just doesn't have the novelty to get him there. Have you two ever changed things up a bit, tried anything new? Have you ever discussed fantasies?
Speaking from experience, I would far rather satisfy my urges with my wife. But the level of stimulation I need now is very different than it was when we got together 30 years ago. Then a fumble in the dark was fine; now I really need light, to be able to see her, as one example. What gets my "engine going" now isn't what did it decades ago.
This should be a fixable problem if you're both willing to be open about it. While you might be right about the role of porn, keep that to yourself at first when you're discussing the problem, and keep an open mind while you're listening to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): If he's got a problem, it's time for counseling. when porn starts affecting your sex life together, yes you have a right to be concerned. Porn has no place in a relatioship unless both parties agree to it. Prove to him that the porn is the problem...have a discussion...have him refrain from any viewing from any source for one week...and sex with you only. The proof will be there...I promise.
However, if it's a medical problem, there is help for that too...
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A
female
reader, D..... +, writes (17 February 2013):
D..... is verified as being by the original poster of the questionResponse,yes I'm aware of the usage from both him and history from the computer and no he did not claim he was not attracted to me however but sometimes you just know these things without there really needing to be words said . Like I said 22 yrs is enough to know someone and what gets there engine going or not
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (17 February 2013):
Out of curiosity, how do you know how much he's masturbating to porn? Have you discussed it openly, or are you checking his browser history? Has he said that he's no longer attracted to you in that way? If so, has he told you why?
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