A
female
age
,
*pie0000
writes:My husband has cheated numerous times during our marriage. Most recently I became suspicious and recorded a female voice in the house while I was at work. He will not admit to having a woman in the house but he admits to previous activities. I went on vacation without him and got naked with a much younger man but I refused sex. Before I left on vacation my husband said ok we are seperated and can do whatever we want without telling the other. Well I told him what happened and now he is telling me I am the cheat. I feel like I have been setup by him so he can tell everyone that I was the one that cheated. The same thing happened with his first wife. He cheated with her best friend at their marital home and then his ex wife was seen making out with someone. He always told me that his wife cheated on him also. I have never cheated before in my life! I feel horrible! Now my husband says we are even now and we should forgive and forget? All I feel is that he brought me down to his level! Am I really a cheat if it was ageed before I left that we do whatever? I couldn't bring myself to go through with it!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Yes, hindsight is always lovely. You have to figure out if you truly can forgive his actions and your own.
Do you really think he will ever stop cheating? I don't know him, but his actions kind scream no. I doubt he will change at all, he might just get better at hiding it.
Time to let him go and seek your own happiness.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Technically not, but emotionally it is because when you were naked with these other guys, and when he did what he did, you were emotionally attached to one another. It doesn't matter if he said you two could do whatever, because in doing so it can seem as if you violated one another, even if their was an agreement in place. If you want this marriage to work, you both need to forgive, and wipe the slate clean, but after doing so...NO MORE messing around, or you will end up where you are now. If you want to keep this "you did, now I do to be even" attitude, your marriage will decline, and will not work out.
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A
female
reader, qpie0000 +, writes (16 April 2012):
qpie0000 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I was not aware of the extent of the cheating going on in his first marriage until after we were married. I knew he had cheated but he said that she was cheating too! MY guess history does repeat itself and a similiar event happened. Things have been told to me in our fifteen years of marriage that if I knew then what I know now! :( It was his ex-wife's BF and the wife would go in the house and they would mess around outside. UGH! I wonder how many times he has done it in our house. I truly love him so I am so heartbroken. You give your life to someone and they trample all over it. :( Last time I get married for sure!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2012):
Finish that divorce, he will not change. However he will use the fact that you did have your little "fling" OVER AND OVER AND OVER. It's his ammo.
Why did you even marry a guy you KNEW was a cheater?
I don't see that you did anything wrong. (other then telling him, about your little fling and staying married to this prick).
You are not even. HE has the upper hand for sure.
Honey, he is not going to change. He will keep cheating and keep bringing up what you did to JUSTIFY his actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): He had said that you were separated and you both agreed, so no you didn't cheat. he is simply trying to make you feel guilty of something so then he can get away with cheating on you and having you feel as though you shouldn't say anything. You did nothing wrong, he is just playing mind games with you.
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