A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Basically my husband hasn't touched me in over 1 1/2 years. .I feel like his best friend - his roommate - sometimes I have been so depressed because I constantly feel rejected. I'm scared to reach out to him because I know I'll be rejected again. No hugs, no holding hands. It's like every molecule in his body has been trained to stay as far away from me as far as possible.Anyway - any men out there,who ever lost your sexual desire? WHY?My husband will not see any kind of doctor and he can get an erection at morning when he wakes up,but not when he is touching me,..I do have a very feminine body, nice skin. Many man wants me, but he does not. He used to be very interested in sex. But suddenly he has changed completely. Almost overnight. I don't know what to do, I dont want to lose a 20 years long,solid marriage. Any ideas? Thanks a lot for reading it.Anyway, thanks for reading.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): well i'm 37 and sometimes i lose it for 1 or 2 months. so i guess i will be the same in the next 15 years. lol
but there is one thing you have to find out: has he lost interest in sex, or in you? have you changed in the past few years? have you tried to change him? have you pressured him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): There are a couple of things going on that could make my wife think I've lost interest.
My doctor put me on blood pressure meds and the effect was practically instantaneous on my ability to get and maintain an erection. It happens if I get intense stimulation, but that hardly describes our sex life. My wife is gorgeous, she carries her age very well, but she's never been a sexual dynamo, and our sex life is very much the same old routine.
Related to that, the only satisfaction my wife ever seemed to get from sex was when it was hard and fast. I'd happily do oral but it seems to do nothing for her and she always stops me after a few minutes. She never lets me use my fingers; that actually seems to be a turn-off for her. So -- nothing I'm still able to do works for her. If I can't do anything for her, I'm certainly not going to initiate.
Oh, and yes, I did try viagra -- and promptly lost my hearing (mercifully it was temporary). So that's no option.
A last thing is that I've gained weight, and don't really care to be seen naked.
Don't know if any of that applies to your situation, but at least it gives you an example from a guy who isn't having an affair and hasn't decided he's gay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): I have a similar issue and I have talked to my significant other many times. Been in this relationship for 16 years. The reasons I get from him are:stress from workstressed from me (not a good idea to complain about work or lack of sex)over weight (at least by 60 pounds from when we first met)not comfortable with his body and embarrassed that he let himself goThese are his reasons so maybe that will help a little. He has no problem with getting it up but the desire is not there. I might get it once every month but I'm the one that has to initiate it. When I do get it, it's good so I'm no sure as well. I think he just gives it to me to stop me from asking so much. Men's testosterone does go down as they age but he is only 43 years old.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Does your husband hang out with lots of guys? You might want to start watching the way he walk and talk, a friend of mine husband made a big changed, she found out he was dating a guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): It sounds like to me that he is probably having an affair.
I felt like your husband did when I knew that I wasn't attracted to my ex-husband anymore. I was emotionally involved with another guy and new it was over with us. We have kids together and needed to get myself and actions together before making my final decision to move on. It was very hard, but there was nothing left for us anymore as far as attraction and love. We grew apart and it felt more like we were just friends with kids within that last year.
You need to sit down with your husband and find out where you guys stand in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Here's some possible reasons:
1. He has a medical problem
2. He has depression
3. He is having an affair
4. He does not feel 'emotionally safe' around you
5. He is no longer attracted to you
these are all very different reasons but any one of them can create the symptoms you're seeing - which is his lack of interest in intimacy with you.
Some of the above reasons, you could have contributed to or played a role in creating.
he may still feel attached to you in a familiar and benevolent way because you have been together for 20 years, but at an arm's length way. i.e. a room mate.
He no longer sees you as an intimate partner, but that doesn't mean that he's not comfortable with you as a roommate because a roommate doesn't have to be as close to him.
The fact that he won't even hug you or hold hands with you, to me rules out the medical condition and depression as possible causes.
keep reaching out to him, even though you are afraid of getting rejected again. Do it anyway. If you stop reaching out, then now not just one person but both people are pulling back and you will be even further away from any resolution (unless he suddenly takes some new action on his own).
ask him to be honest with you, but make sure that you make it OK for him to say stuff that you may not like to hear. the truth may hurt, but it's better than being in the dark.
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