A
female
age
36-40,
*YT
writes:I am 20 years old and this guy and I have been going together off and on for 3years. Last year for my b-day he gave me a ring and told me it was b/c he really loved me and cared for me and wanted me to kno that we were in a serious relationship...4 days later he breaks up with me. We stay broken up for 3 months and during that time he sleeps with another girl. We see each other @ a lil get 2gether and he pulls me aside and says the fact that he saw me flirting with other guys made him really jealous and he misses me so he wants to get back 2gether. I say "ok" b/c I love him. The next day he calls me and says he's not sure if he made the right decision and he needs to think about it. I said "fine w/e." Later that same day he calls and invites me out with him. While we are out he says he does want to be with me and then admits to sleepin with another girl while he was drunk! I was so angry and hurt I went in2 the bathroom and cried. When I came back out I told him I didn't want 2 be with him even though I did. A few days later I invite him over and I tell him I do want to get back 2gether, but him sleeepin wit that other gurl really hurt me b/c he broke up with me out of the blue for a dumb reason in the 1st place. So he was gonna have kiss my ass b4 he got back to where he used to be. Well months pass and I'm not feelin wanted so I tell him, then I tell him things he can do to make me feel opposite the way i am, and i even give him a couples book 2 use on me to help him out. How bout this nigga didn't even bother 2 use the book!! So I'm sitting here depressed and hurt so bad to the point where my heart feels a literal crushing pain, but i'm still in the relationship b/c I love him so much. In the mist of all this I start to make slick comments about our relationship bein fickle and what not. You kno stuff to hurt him like he was hurtin me, but the thing is I didn't know I was doin it! He had been tellin me that I was sayin stuff he didn't like and he wanted me to stop, but I can't stop something I don't realize I'm doin, so I told him if you want me to stop you hav 2 start makin me feel like I'm wanted. But he did nothing. and he said it was b/c I didn't stop my comments but i'm like that's totally selfish ur not gonna do something that can better us b/c u wanna get what you want 1st? Neway he broke up with me again sayin he wasn't happy and he couldn't see himself marryin me, and he still had things in his life he wanted 2 do. like get with big girls and date a white gurl. How bout not even 2 days after we broke up he's off gettin wit and flirtin with other girls!!! and while he's off doin that all I can do is think about him and what he's doin and what he's doin with those girls.I hate/love him so much right now. What do I do?I did tell him I never wanted to speak/see/ or hear from him again, but that was a bold face lie....lolI miis him so much!
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (19 June 2009):
 HI, It is so great to hear that you are in a better place. I am sure that you have peace of mind, which you didn't have before. Loving someone should not give you pain all the time.
Good luck in the future and congrats on finding your guy again. Take care.
A
female
reader, PYT +, writes (18 June 2009):
PYT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for all the advice & what I've come to realize is that nothing on this planet ca compare with a woman's love- it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. & that is exactly what I gave to him & what I wanted in return. I thought he was my MAN, I would have walked on water & through a mountain for him, too, no matter how he'd acted out, no matter what crazy thing he had done to me, & no matter the time or demand. He was supposed to be my man therefore I would have talked to him until there just weren't any words left to say. & that's what I did for him, but I had and ephifiny. He is not a man...Not even close to being one and the sad part is i wasted 3 yrs of my life on this individual that I care less and less about everyday. I thought he was my MAN man & I loved him...I mean really loved him. I shined him up when he dusty, encouraged him when he was down, defended him even when I wasn't so sure he was right, & hung on his every word, even when he was not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what he did, no matter how many times my friends said he was no good, no matter how many times he slammed the door on our relationship I would still give my very best & then some, & keep right on trying to win over his heart, even when he was saying & actin lyke everything I did to convince him I was the one just wasn't good enough. It's funny were life takes you I had a b/f when I came to college but we broke up cause it was long distance and then I met the dude I've been talkin about. So I broke up with this really great guy "C" to be wit "M" & guy that's given me a world of confusion & heart ache. Well How bout me & "C" are back together & I couldn't be happier & the weird thing is he asked me for a 2nd chance!! I am gonna bend over backwards to make this good MAN happy!!! I finally told "M" that while we were together I had gotten pregnant & didn't tell him for specific reasons & he was so angry & he was so mean & crazy about it. I didn't tell him b/c he was supposed to be my best friend but everyday he was acting less and less lyk my b/f i mean i didn't tell anybody!!! I was confused, scared, & many other things and the way he acted was so hurtful, but now I don't even care...lol
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A
female
reader, gemmaxx09  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 well obviously the relationship is just not working. Its very hard to hear that the person you love has slept with someone else, together or not. You have got to think can you forgive because sometimes you might love a person with all your heart but it is very difficult to forget or to forgive something like that.
Being in a relationship with someone you love shouldnt be painful, you have gotta analyse it and figure out if you can resolve what has happened. My ex broke up with me out of the blue, it was like ripping my heart out then begged me to go bk with him but i just couldnt forgive what he did and theres no way im let him drop and then just click his fingers and take me back when he pleases. I wanted to say yes ill take him back but it was the hardest thing i did by saying no i cnt.
For you its even worse because he slept with someone aswell, so even though it might be the most painful experience in the world, dont let a guy just drop you and take you back wen he wants, your worth more than that. It may be heart breaking thinking hes hooking up with other girls but he will just treat them the same way as you thats wat kept me going when i didnt take mine bk i feel sorry for the poor girl who would have to go thru the same as me with him.
I know its not a nice thing to hear that but to kno a person that u love as much as that is capable of causing you that much pain is worse than the actual heart break. Once someobody you love as hurt you that much it causes a lot of anger and bitterness. I am not going to tell you anything to do because you have to make the decision of whether to forgive him yourself but you gotta think about how much more heart ache you can take and start thinking of yourself even if you do go bk to him.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (25 May 2009):
Hi, The problem, I am sorry to say is not with him at this point, it is with you. He has shown you what his character is. He likes a variety, is not interested in commiting to one person, and he does not respect you or the relationship that you want to have. Notice I say that you want to have, because he is not with you on what you want from him. It is imperative that you face reality, this is not a mature person when it comes to being faithful, you can't change him, he has to want to change and I will go one step further, it has to be a part of him, it isn't. Respect yourself and stop allowing him to abuse you, which is what he is doing. We are capable of loving the wrong people, but you must have the strength to move on, completely, or you will continue to be depressed and angry and any number of negative emotions which will make your life hell. Stop it, get a grip and move on, small steps away from him until you find someone else who will care about your feelings and respect you in every way. You are choosing this agony and it will kill you emotionally. Fight for your right to be happy. Go to: www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 Look for "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts" You deserve to be happy, take back your power from this person who only cares about his selfish desires. Please learn to be your own best friend. Take care.
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