A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure I have done the right thing.A bit of a long story - me and a guy at work have been flirtng for years and we have both said we like each other - the problem - he only wants "fun" and I want more. We have kissed once, very passionately at work after hours. Since then we have been getting along fine but he doesn't want to go out for drinks after work, I have asked in a discrete way, he has never asked me out, we do chat a bit but today after work he asked if I wanted to you know -at work - I said no because I am not like that, he knows I am shy and inexperienced, but the thing is I really really like him and he knows that and I feel like rubbish because I know he only wants "fun" and it hurts like hell but I don't just want to be used but I am really into him and I think I have just blown any chance and I will hate myself even more if he doesn't speak to me at work.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Some men look for shy, inexperienced women that they can manipulate, toss out a few nice words, flirt a little and the girls in love.
"Your not like that?" Sweetheart, you made out with him at work snd now he wants to take the next step.
"But I don't want to feel used". What are you doing with him then? If you don't want to have a little fun, stop teasing him.
"I want more". Then get a nice boy to take you out to the movies and hold your hand.
How old are you? Sh*t or get off the pot.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 If you've blown your chance by saying no to having sex with this guy, then clearly it isn't going anywhere.
Seriously, think about it - you are worried a guy will not like you anymore because you didn't have sex with him. Really think about that statement because I hope thinking of it in those black and white terms will bring home the fact that, that cannot be the kind of partner you want.
He only wants fun and you want a relationship and if you're anything like I have been in the past, and many people continue to be you continue to cling onto the idea that if you do this, that or the other thing "right" he will somehow be ready for a relationship with you.
If a guy likes you he will make it known, this guy doesn't sound shy so your choice is to settle for fun with him, or invest your time in someone who is willing to consider you as something more than just fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): If you feel this bad about kissing him then definitely don't have sex with him because then you'll really feel used. I doubt he'll quit speaking to you just because you said no, he'll probably keep after it. You did the right thing so don't be so hard on yourself.
Honestly, it does just sound like he's having a bit of fun and it's not very nice of him to mess with your emotions because I think he knows how much you like him and he's using that to boost his ego.
I would try to stay away from him because he's only going to hurt you much more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): So he wants fun and you want more so it's at a dead end because he's not willing to budge, not even take you out! IF you don't want to be used, stop making out with him. You haven't blown any chance because you never really had one, he's said from the beginning he's not going to be your boyfriend. Hey, at least he was upfront, a lot of guys would lead you on and sleep with you then tell you that! You can't feel too hurt, c'mon, it's not like you guys were dating for months and he told you this, you haven't even gone on a date with him!
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