A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So around 3 years ago I entered a friends with benefits relationship with a guy I know (let's call him Jack). We ended up becoming best friends who also had sex. Over the last 18 months, we've become very close. As both of us are still studying at a uni doing our second degrees we both decided we didn't want to ruin it by going out at uni and then struggling afterwards but agreed that we would revisit it after graduation once we were settled into our new jobs as we could end up in different parts of the country. Around last christmas we were talking and both of us two agreed that although we aren't in a relationship neither of us two would sleep with someone else because we recognise how much it would hurt the other. However, during lockdown in April Jack was messaging a girl on Tinder and they were sexting for a while (Sending pictures etc.). I only found out in September when I spoke to Jack about it and said that I felt uncomfortable with our whole situation. He agreed and said he had been thinking of a way to broach the relationship subject with me as he wants us to be together. I asked him about the girl on Tinder and he said that he had cut off contact with her a week or so after they spoke on Tinder in April but I know they were in contact in July. I don't know what to do. Jack assures me nothing is going on anymore but I'm still hurt by the situation.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NoodlyCatastrophe  +, writes (1 January 2021):
 I don't get how you're hurt by this.
Firstly, did you two clearly state that not sexting with other people was a part of the rule of your FWB relationship? If yes, then I can understand your hurt. If no, then I don't understand why you're hurt.
Secondly, don't assume not having physical sex is the same as flirting, kissing, oral sex, sexting, etc, etc. Don't ever make assumptions that the other person should automatically put two and two together.
Lastly, you two are friends with benefits, but you make this sound like you two are in a committed relationship. I think you should take some time to think about what you really want coinciding this pseudo girlfriend/boyfriend FWB relationship and reshape it to match your feelings.
Honestly, this is such an easy problem to solve. You two are FWB. You two are best friends. Tell him exactly what you know, what you want, and ask him how he feels about everything. Then take it from there. There is absolutely nothing complicated with this, so long as you communicate fully, precisely and openly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2020): You two need to talk to each other clearly about what you both want. Its clear you have feelings but you need to speak to each other honestly.
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