| A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hi sorry for the long post, so to start of me (m25) and my girlfriend(f22) started seeing each other ONLINE since late April, we've both live in different countries and planned to meet each other in December, but due to travel restrictions and quarantine complications its looking like our trip to meet is cancelled.Weve been talking everyday on Skype since the day we met and things between us are getting serious. Before we met she was living with her Ex-boyfriend in her apartment and they've been together for 4 years and now that they've broken up, me and her started talking, she always said that she felt alone when I was not on Skype...I think because for years shes always used to having her lover next to her. We started as friends when we met and when they broke up, we just talked and talked and it kinda happened we formally talked about December as the time that I'll officially ask her to be my girlfriend and were gonna visit each other a few times a year after then and after 2-3 years when she graduates college we'll be together. Thats the plan. But recently things with her gotten a lot worse, she feels alone, her family wont come talk to her, shes busy with school because she needs those As, shes working double shifts at work and she spends most nights depressed and to be honest mood swingy. Sometimes she feels like Im too good for her and Im the best guy in the world and how Im perfect and she doesnt deserve me, to just tonight where she keeps telling me Im being a p*ssy and just move with her and that Im gonna lose her if Im being slow and wishy washy. Its hard, she makes me cry a lot, she screams at me, she calls things I do stupid and fucked up just because I want to take things slow. Theres some nights I just want to let her go so she can find someone who'll be there for her consistently. I feel selfish for hoarding her and keeping her to myself whilst she spends her nights in tears in the company of a man in a screen that she longs to be with. Which brings us to this, she asked me to look for a job in America today, as if thats totally easy. She said screw meeting eachother in December or January or March and that I should just look for work and just move with her... And then we'lI get married in a year. I know its cliched the them or me situation and I love her and I can never be mad at her ;but a part of me thinks shes being a bit ridiculous. She wants to jump the gun and start the family life and the babies, even though shes still in College.I always tell her to finish college and let everything happen first. But she insists that Ill never know how it feels to be alone and that Im comfortable with having friends, family, life and a job in my country and thats why Im saying no. I am happy with my life now but I also want to be with her but I dont want to jump the gun, I told her that many times but she doesnt take it for anything. I want her to wait and let things progress naturally after we meet in person and start visiting each other. I love her, but sometimes I feel like shes making up for lost time. She always said she waited years for her Ex to propose and he never did. Now i feel like shes rushing me and Im not getting a proper healthy relationship in the process she never talks about our life, just babies and marriage and being a mom as if those can help her heal her loneliness . I always encourage her to enjoy life, make friends, and that shes young and in college she doesnt need to start a family yet but shes adamant thats what she wants. I love her and I want to be with her and see her safe and healthy and loved.... And im scared that the answer is to not waste her time, let her go find some guy who's there who wants the same things she wants right now instead of making her feel alone everyday for months. I want to fight for her but a part of me feels like Im hurting her most days and its hurting me. TLDR Girlfriend that I never met in person is mad at me for not wanting to move and look for a job in America yet. Even though we're still technically not offical and only met each other this Late April.
View related questions:
at work, broke up, depressed, different countries, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2020): Hi
She needs to get a grip and slow down with her demands, rush into this and you may find you regret it. From your post, she sounds clingy and needy and emotionally draining, always 'wanting' and whaling if she does not get her own way.
You may be quite indecisive and irritable to her, lacking the assertiveness to tell her to lay off with the threats.
She has no idea of reality and it's never a good sign when somebody can not stand to be without a partner for a while, it's a good indicator of neediness. Some people like to be a hero or rescuer, and the two complement each other. Some need space and need to let life unfold at a natural pace, you are obviously the latter.
Henpecked and bullied springs to mind.
|
