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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Today makes a week since I last spoke with my ex and I am really taking everything hard. I feel like I'm the only one hurting, like I'm the only one who cares as he is just moving on with his life happily. Long story short, we met through mutual friend and instantly connected. We had the same playful spirit and hold the same values, beliefs and wants out of life. After about 7 months of being friends and talking we got into a relationship and everything was good. I was happy and so was he, but of course nothing is perfect. We had a minor misfit one day and he completely changed. He stopped coming to see me as much, we stopped going out and we stopped talking as much and when we did talk it seemed forced like he was uninterested in the conversation. Of course this bothered me and my reaction was to talk about it, work it out and move on from it but it only made things worse. He felt like I was complaining constantly when I was just voicing my needs from the situation. He wanted me to just chill before he could talk or hang out and it was hard for me to do that when I simply thought it'd be easier to just work it out. Well we started arguing over this more and more for 3 months on and off. He wouldn't talk to, hang out with or come see me until I "chilled" and I couldn't chill until I saw some type of progress being made on his part. Well to add on to that insecurity of not knowing where our relationship stood, he started talking more to female friends (some of which he used to like, some of which liked him and all of which he is attracted to). It didn't help me feel any better about things because he would talk to them all day or hang out with them (things I wasn't getting from our relationship) and when I told him I wasn't comfortable with some of these friendships he would just say it was me. He also has a habit of talking to females until there is "drama" then he's normally on to the next girl until "drama" arrives with them and the cycle repeats. Now what should I do? just move on and get over it? I mean I have no choice but this just hurts because I can't help but feel like everything was my fault and it doesn't help that i feel like the relationship we did have meant nothing to him as he seems to be over me and to not care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for this advice, i can't help but feel like I should've handled things differently and maybe I should've, but it feels good to know it wasn't all my fault!
A
female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I dont feel like its your fault at all. It wasnt fair that he he would not face the issues that arose head on, and preferred to avoid them. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and from what youve said that he moves on to the next girl when 'drama'arises, makes it seem that he just cannot deal with confrontation and would rather walk away from the situation than deal with it. To be honest I think this is quite sad. He will never settle happily being this way. I dont think you should waste any more of your time worrying about it though, I think you should pick yourself up and move on to someone a bit more mature and honest.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 It's kind of hard to give good advice when we don't know what the "minor misfit" was. Evidently, it was a deal breaker for him. He was putting effort into the relationship and then, he wasn't. So based on that, you know he's not interested anymore. It takes two to tango. If you're putting in the most effort to resolve issues and he's just being fickle and easily angered, that's not fair for you. It's extremely disrespectful that he's so concerned about other women and not fulfilling your needs. The priority should be you, considering you're his girlfriend.It'll take a while to get over him, but seems like you'll be better for it. You need a man that's as dedicated to you, as you are to him. Hope you feel better soon.
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