A
female
age
30-35,
*artinaA
writes:Okay, you all probably heard all this before!I have been with my ex for about 2 years!We have been going down hill from the second month!He treats me like I'm worthless and brain less and so much more!It has got to the point where I cant take it anymore!The drama started last year just before I we were going to go to a Christmas party. I decided to drive so I was on my way to pick him up, as I was driving I got hit by a police car and was rushed to hospital! My family was over seas so I asked them to notify my boyfriend to let him know!He didn't pick up his phone so the nurse left him a voice mail explaining everything to him!I was there for about 2 days with no communication from him what so ever, I started to get worried about him maybe something happened! The police officer that had hit me, came to visit me in the hospital to see if I was okay etc!He drove me home as for my boyfriend was still stranger!I asked the officer if he could drop me off to my boyfriends house and he will drive me home he agreed, doped me off.I came there with his family greeting me like everything was normal, they obviously didn't know I was in a bad car accident!I went to go talk to my boyfriend to see what was up!He replied " the nurse said you were fine the doctor would let me know if something went wrong so I called my mate to come to the party"After that I couldn't even look at him the same way!New years eve, I decided to go on a road trip with my best friend to get my mind of everything! We drove from Sydney to Queensland so that was about 12 hours, I was copping threat msgs I had 165 missed calles 85 abusive threats msgs!He made me feel like it was all my fault that I should say sorry to him that I'm the bad guy and that if I didn't decide to drive that night the car accident would not happen! He honestly made me believe I was in the wrong and I ended up saying sorry!The whole time we were in queensland I was not allowed to leave the hotel not even go for a swim! He made me feel I owe him at least that! On the 3rd day he made me fly back to Sydney playing the " if you love me " game! At the time I was so vulnerable that I agreed had the biggest argument with my best friend! Only to get a phone call 10 mins later asking if I'm on my way! I said yes I'm 15 mins fron the airport his response was a laugh and " good, now please f*uck off and don't ever talk to me again"I was so destroyed that I was on the verge of drowning My self !I couldnt breath of how confused I was and I started hating My self for letting him do this to me. For letting him walk all over me.We had about 6 days left of our holiday, my phone was turned off the whole time my best friend also cut all communication with the world!I met someone up there that actually gave me hope! We are just friends but it was good to know there are actually normal people out there!On my last day I put my phone on to call my family to let them know we are leaving!I have 192 sms' calling me names accusing me of cheating telling me no one will want me that I'm trash!For the first time in my life I felt like I didn't care!I could not care one bit!I have not spoken to him for about 2 months witch was good!I went out with the girls to a local club, that was the night I regret ever leaving my house!-as I walked past the bar I heard a good 40 guys booing and calling me a Sl*t it was my ex and a few of his friends!During those 2 months that I have not talke to him!He told everyone a totally different story making him look like that good guy etc!Being so good at manipulating people they all believed me, I have no friends left! Even my best friend got fed up with it and cut communication with me!He called me a few days after that and started crying on the phone telling me he will change that he loves me making me feel no one will ever love me the way he does!I'm stuckI'm confused I'm alone I have no one to talk to and I feel like I only answer his calls so I don't have to be alone! My family would kill him if they ever see him near me!I know I shouldnt be with him and this is not a question But I really need someone to talk me out of thisI can't talk to my family about it and my friends disappeared! I just need advice !ThanxM
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female
reader, kashmir +, writes (2 March 2011):
Well done for booking your ticket to Europe. You will have LOTS to look forward to. Feeling scared and brainwashed is all part of the manipulative actions by him and it does not go away overnight. It will take some time - realistically about 2 years although the emotional scars will be with you longer. I was married to a passive aggressive/control freak of a husband and wish I had got out off the marriage sooner. I was very angry with myself because I let myself get so low in self esteem, confidence and put myself and my children in danger when he became aggressively worse. Unfortunately he is still around in my life because of my youngest son who he has once a week - but I have grown much stronger and he is no longer able to manipulative, threaten or control me anymore. And I feel so much better with me and my life. However, would you still believe I get scared to ask him to help out on the odd occasion and I get myself really stressed out - for nothing... its because I put myself in a self defensive mode and 'what to do if he said/did this....' But that is what he is... NOTHING! We have been divorced 3 yrs. You are young and free and are not tied down with children. Even though his family are nice - you have every right to protect yourself and I fully understand you are a little shy and private - you have been under his thumb for too long and yes he will 'stuff up your mind' for a while until you get away from him. I still wouldnt tolerate any more abusive behaviour - it doesnt have to be physical - it is still violence against you. I dont think his family would mind if you did call the police on him - I think you may find they will be relieved you did and will have more respect for you - if they dont... then its no loss. Your life is more important - not theirs. Keep positive - we are all here to help you in some way or form. :)
A
female
reader, MartinaA +, writes (1 March 2011):
MartinaA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAmpersand
Well it's complicated in the friends department since we all had mutual friends!
It was my fault for not facing my problems and I ran away from them!
I keep telling my self not to care about what they say but I cant help it gets to me!
I have booked a ticket for Europe, I'm going for 4 months, it was my families idea to get away, i think it's a must aswell!
Thank you for the advice!
Kashmir
The police has been involved many times, but I can't bring my self to press charges, his family means to much to me to put them through that!
I have all the sms' printed out so if worst comes to worse he will get it!
All that confusing me now is that, is him!
I still to this day cant belelive someone can be so crule and manipulative.
It really scares me to think what the hell is out there.
The way he made me feel was as if I deserved it all and I will never find anyone better! That's what scares me now!
I'm young I know I have a life time ahead of me but when I think about all the things he said to me it gives me shivers.
The future at the moment scares me!
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A
female
reader, kashmir +, writes (28 February 2011):
DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! This guy is a total evil menace and its time you put a stop to this mental and emotional abuse you are getting from him. He has NO RIGHT to threaten you, stalk you, put you down - UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES. Its time you talked to the police and put a restraining order on him. He is a Bully and will remain so for the rest of his life. Is this what you want for the rest of yours? I think not. M... I have been in an abusive relationship in the past - not as bad as yours - I got out and I know there is support and counselling available. This guy is a total loser and a cruel man. And just remember - your dont have to have lots and lots of friends in your life... the only friends you should have are the ones that stick with you through good and bad times - dont worry about the so called friends who have disappeared - they are not true friends. Dont worry about being alone - at least you are SAFE. Stay well away from him, ask your family for support - and if necessary ask to go somewhere else safe until this guy is so totally far away from you and your life - like another planet!!! You deserve so much more - and remember... its not easy taking the initial steps, but once you do you will build up your self esteem and confidence and realise you're number one and no one treats you like garbage - EVER. You have the right to have a happy and safe life and to be loved one day. One step at a time... good luck... and hope you get rid of this imbecile once and for all.
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A
female
reader, MartinaA +, writes (28 February 2011):
MartinaA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAmpersandI have tried reconnecting with my friends!Stiring those 2 months I cut of communication with everyone so I could just get over it. I felt like have been brain washed for 2 and a half years, I needed to clear my head and get away with everyone!Due to me being a very private person, i dont like telling anyone my problems so when my boyfriend went around telling everyone his imganary story that was the first they ever heard about us having problems!The story was so twisted, he made me look like him! I wouldn't even talk to me if I heard that! And because he told them I'm evil etc none of them want to even give me a chance to talk!Sometimes I think he dowe this so I have no choice but to be with him, the sad part is I'm not the only one being brain washed any more! And Ampersand thank you for your advice it was good hearing it :)
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