A
male
age
41-50,
*JS
writes:Help!I met this girl... I was at a Karoke bar, she was with her 3 friends, and when I got up to sing, I asked for her name.When I sat back down, she called me over and we got chatting. She asked me to come along with her and her friends. I did. Towards the end of the night lost sight of each other and that was that. Met her next day, got her number, set up a date. Went to a local bar and hung out and got to know each other. She tells me she is a period of transition and prefers to be by herself than in a bad relationship. I guess she had a bad experience but later I find out she and her last ex finished 2009.Follow up with her, she is quite chatty, get another date yesterday. She mimics my body language across the table, really smiley, occassional stares with the eyes and then looking away, blushes but we didnt touch physically. Then we got on the whole "single talk" thing, which was probably a bad move - she tells me "I must be honest, if you think this could be romantic I dont want you to get that impression" or something of the sort as she is not looking for a relationship right now - BLOW - I say hey, "ok, no problem" and then affirmed that I realize I was kind of concerned that she was just getting on her feet here in a new country. During those type of conversations she has repeatedly mentioned that it has "taken her time to get to where she is now" and doesnt want a bad relationship to ruin that, bla bla bla.. But I am nearly certain I saw attraction signals.Anyway, so I drop her off and she says with a smile beaming on her face (before drop off as we are walking to car) that she feels great and is having a great time... ???? Later I email her, saying that yes I do have some feelings for her, not the friendly type, and that I too had a bad experience etc and wanted to take it slow but now that she has told me this I will respect her decision. I tell her that if she needs anything or gets stuck to call me and I will help her out - but I didnt indicate friendship as such and I wish her well on her new life here in this country.So... I really like this girl - but I dont know what to read into this - There were attraction signals but I got rejected on the second date. She is 27. On the first date she told me she didnt know why she was meeting me but she trusted me and didnt know why. Is she too hurt? What the hell do I do?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 My humble opinion is that you should tell her, in unequivocal, unmistakable terms, that you are not going to play pool with her, because you love her, she rejected you, and your being near her will make it very likely that you'll still have feelings for her.
It would even be more important that you told this to yourself. From what I see, you can only end heartbroken. She has already said she doesn't want anything with you. She keeps you close to her, though that is sure to maintain your feelings alive. I call this "cat and mouse". Don't let anyone do that to you.
A
male
reader, BJS +, writes (1 March 2011):
BJS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all,
Thanks for the help - I take special note of what DanielPew said... "a bad relationship??" ... I guess she still has a lot of stuff to deal with yet so I am going to take a backseat on this one... she has emailed me back saying we should meet up and play pool and hang out... I am asking myself what is the point of that??
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I agree with Danielepew above, move on. I interpret her signals as innocent flirting and nothing more.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 February 2011):
You should read the signals correctly and keep your distance from this lady. Besides, you have to find yourself someone else. Keep due note of this: she already told you, up front, that she would rather be alone than in a bad relationship, and that she doesn't want you to get romantic. Take her words at their value.Yes, she's hanging on with you and all that, and you're right to think that actions speak louder than words, but in this case pay attention to the words.Why would you be a "bad relationship"? She doesn't know that, but she already put you there, so, that's it.You must be a handsome man and you got her eye, but that's it.It's your great luck that you were told things upfront. Move on, buddy.
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