A
female
age
41-50,
*onksDaBomb
writes:I have heard that there are different types of hugs and kisses in terms of just friends or something more. That is understandable; I just never thought of it that way.How do you hug someone of the opposite sex in just a friends way? How do you hug him in a more than friends way? The same question applies to how to kiss someone from the opposite sex, too.Thanks :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 This definitely changes from country to country, so always observe what other people do first! Usually the lower half of the body doesn't touch in a hug between friends. A full body hug is reserved for only our most intimate partners, family and very close friends (and mostly friends of the same sex). A full body hug with someone of the opposite sex can be a bit too intimate sometimes.
Rule of thumb is let the woman lead, and follow her lead. And between women, let the older woman lead and the younger follow. Wait for the older women to extend her hand or lean towards you for a cheek kiss or hug. If you are in a cheek kissing group, and it's more than one kiss (in the Netherlands it's 3 kisses for close friends), it's their left cheek first (to you; your view), then right - and most people will follow this pattern so that no broken noses are involved. I guess it developed this way because most people have extended the right hands and shoulders towards each other and then leaning in to the left cheek (from Your view of their face; left cheek) first just came naturally (you're actually kissing each other's right cheeks...).
A full smack on the lips from an unrelated, unknown person of the opposite sex is a no-no in most North American cultures; so no swapping saliva or tongues, LOL. There is a difference between 'social' kisses and kissing your partner. If someone has swooped in and done this, I would pretty much think that they had had a few too many or were a person to avoid and would pretty much not trust being in a room with them alone...
Be careful with the pat on the back thing during a hug. Women mostly use it like "There, There, it will be Okay" but sometimes it's just enthusiasm when they haven't seen someone in a while. You can also use it to end a hug if it goes on too long! It's considered friendly and it's used mostly between guys, but if someone has just gotten fired, it's a bit patronizing, so watch when you use this and under which circumstances you should avoid it. This can also be like placing your other hand on top of the handshake in order to "hold" the other persons hand - it's usually used as a display of sympathy, but it can be less than sympathetic and appear patronizing (again, after someone has lost a job) so watch under which context you use it. When an unrelated woman uses the "pat on the back" during a date, it's been referred to as the "you're-not-getting-any...", because it's more of a friendship or "bro" thing and it pretty much is a display that they aren't that into you. When your own partner uses it, it means "There, There", "Chin Up" or "We'll Get Through It". The most common way that it is used by both sexes is CONGRATULATIONS, which is pretty universal and needs no other explanation {except perhaps the rule about never congratulating a bride (because she got lucky and landed the groom; from old Victorian customs and ettiquette..), give her best wishes and congratulate the groom...} therefore, you probably shouldn't pat her on the pat - LOL!
Anyways, hope this was of some help, and don't fret too much about occasionally putting your foot wrong, we're all nervous when meeting others and we all get flustered and get it wrong from time-to-time. The most important thing is eye contact and sincerity, when all is said and done.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I think it's wonderful to hug and kiss your friends, but it's really done in a very different way. When we are in love with someone such as our dating partners/spouses, we usually embrace very, very closely, and for a longer length of time, usually nuzzling and kissing..we allow the full length of our bodies...to touch.
When we hug our friends, it's a much lighter embrace. Usually just the upper body, comes into light contact, the hug is usually a shorter hug with some gentle patting, on the back. With close friends, we usually kiss lightly and quickly on the cheek. Some friends do lip to lip kiss, but it's done with a closed mouth and it's just a quick peck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 April 2009):
 Side ways hug not full frontal and kisses on the cheek.
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