A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm 15, and when I was 13, my grandmother died of cancer. We found out a week before she died. She had a very, "i don't care. You wanna hurt me? You wanna kill me? I dare you." attitude. She was sometimes a bit cold, a bit mean to her daughter in laws, but regardless she was my grandmother and I love her. She grew up in nazi germany, and i was always proud to tell the stories of the hardship of growing up at that time period. My grandfather, her husband, died before I was born. She had four kids, all of which i believed to be with him until tonight. My dad straight out told me that his oldest brother is his half brother. After she died, it came out and he is my dad's half brother by a different father. He has the same last name as the rest of us, and I'm not sure but I believe he was concieved during their marriage. They would've figured out something was up otherwise. I don't know what to think! I'm not positive my grandmother had an affair, i told my dad not to tell me any more after that. But in my heart, i already know the answer. How do you deal with something like this? I always looked down on cheaters. I always thought of them as horrible people, who should simply end the relationship if they're unhappy. However, now my grandmother, someone I respected and cared for so much, is now the same type of trash. How do you deal with such a bombshell? I'm in shock, and I don't know what to think. So many people got hurt. My grandfather, my uncle, my uncle's true father, my entire family who now has to recover from this. All because my grandmother had an affair. And if she hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten such a great uncle. Its so complicated and I feel so...its indescribable. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): "I always looked down on cheaters."
Don't do this, try to understand that cheaters have deep rooted issues psychologically.
"I always thought of them as horrible people, who should simply end the relationship if they're unhappy."
Not true, in many cases they are emotionally hurt and have low self esteem and simply can't figure life out. They cheat, and then things get worse when they think they should be better.
Try to be understanding, and not join the crowd.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): It wasn't cheating she maybe had another husband before your grandpa and had kids with him , you see before having a "bastard" son was viewed as awful and a lot of mothers would give their kids the last name of their new hubby so there. Maybe her first partner left her as you said it is your dad older brother. These things happen you are just too young to understand but they are normal.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (13 February 2012):
 You're age range is between 13-15, so the fact that you have a very narrow, limited outlook on cheating is very normal. Teenagers and adults in their early 20s are not very understanding when it comes to these things, I know I wasn't either. When I was your age and until I hit about 25, I too used to really look down upon people who cheated. It was a very black and white situation in my mind, but as you get older and your mind matures, you will see people in a more gray area. Not to say that cheating will become more acceptable to you, it's just that you will see people as people. And the more people you meet and hear their stories, the more you will realize that good people can make bad decisions. One or a few bad decisions doesn't make them horrible people, or even bad people. People are very flawed and yes, some take it too far, but it doesn't mean they don't deserve your love. People have different reasons for cheating and you will never know your grandmother's. Even if you did, you wouldn't fully understand it at your age. In a few years, you will have a very different outlook on this, trust me.
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A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (13 February 2012):
You are assuming that it was an affair. It's possible that she was raped.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Let's deal ONLY with the important question that you've posed.... which is: "How do you deal with something like this?"
The answer is, you reconcile that what happened in the past is in the past.... makes no difference now (After all, you can't CHANGE any of it!)..... and you go on with your life...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 Family secrets like that are always shocking, and it's perfectly reasonable that you're having trouble absorbing it. But it really sounds like you didn't get the whole story.
The world, and especially Germany, was a very unsettled place after the war. It's possible that something happened to your grandmother in all of that as a consequence -- perhaps she had a husband or a fiance who died, and your grandfather adopted the child. Even if the child was conceived while she was married to your grandfather, you have no way of knowing the circumstances of their marriage. It doesn't sound like you know enough of the story to leap to the conclusion you have.
If you want the facts you should ask for them, although of course there's no guarantee you'll like what you hear. Otherwise, you can comfort yourself that there are ways this could have happened without her having cheated.
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