A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! So, I'm going to have to move away for work for three years. My soon to be beloved husband and I have been discussing this and we've figured out we'll be able to meet 10 days a month on average (between his days off and mine), plus three entire months in summer (he's a lecturer at university and gets time off during the summer). As I said, this is going to last for three years, until my firm relocates me closer to my husband. Have you ever had a LDR marriage? Did it work out? Do you think we'll be able to make it work? Do you think we'll be seeing enough of each other? Is three years a reasonabe amount of time?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I know a married couple who were long distance for over a decade before getting back together. It was very hard on them, but they made it without any indiscretions.
Several things:
1. You are going to fight, sometimes very badly. You are going to make each other cry and feel so frustrated that you want to quit. This is normal and try not to let it affect anything long term. NEVER make any big decisions while you're angry.
2. Make lots of time for each other. You should try to talk every single day. Even if you can't talk one day/night, try to send a text or something.
3. Visit each other often. Sounds like you have a good plan for this and will be seeing each other a lot.
If you both are willing to put in the work for this, then yes it can definitely work.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): This has been done for ages and eons. Spouses of military personnel,fisherman, truckers, executives.... very common.
I have friends who are in long distance marriages, and have been for decades. It can work, but you have to be independent and have a life of your own. I think it's great because I think these marriages force or allow you to cultivate yourself more and your own identity more than traditional marriages where there is a tendency for spouses to grow ever more dependent on each other to the point that they dont' seem capable of standing on their own two feet.
that said it's not for everyone, because frankly not everyone is that independent or strong by nature. but if it's only going to be for 3 years that seems pretty doable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): Would Long distance marriage work? Yes it could. Ask military spouses. It's been done for a long time. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Hi
You can only try, if it is NOT working for either of you,then you just talk, re-think your situation. Change your priorities.
3 years adds up to ALOT of nights alone so keep up daily contact between visits, make sure you spend birthdays together by booking off time in advance.Surprise each other with occassional weekends in a Hotel, somewhere nice and romantic.Keep it alive!
Remember both family and friends will want to see you too so dont neglect them,they are important in your lives also.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (27 August 2012):
 I have seen a couple LDR marriages work. One I know of is a friend's parents. It's a little different, but they live completely apart and have for years. It's different because I don't think it is because of a work issue or anything that will be done in a certain time, it's just permanent. I also see people come into work a lot who have a husband or wife in town that they are visiting and then going back to their home out of state. I always thought it was odd but now reading your post it makes sense. I think it definitely has the possibility of working. Any relationship can it depends on the people in it. If you are both determined to make it work and keep all communication open (like how difficult it is feeling right now type of thing, don't share this with someone else and not your husband) it should be able to work out. 3 years is a long time but a strong determined relationship can endure I believe. Talk as much as possible via phone or Skype. And as another poster said some jobs require you to work 2 weeks on and one off type of thing so seeing him 10 days a month isn't insane. And 3 months in the summer is great. But it will take work and faith so be prepared. Anything can happen.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 There is a time frame in place, you both know this is going to end in three years. The amount of time you will be spending together and the time you are spending apart is not unusual in some industries, including mining, where a three weeks on, 1 week off rotational shift is common. The three months together over summer is a BONUS!
Providing you are both totally committed to each other, and to helping each other advance in your respective careers it can work.
Good luck to you both!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2012):
 3 years… so very doable.
I just finished a years LDR… we were two hours apart by car and we moved together after a year. OUR friends who are getting married September 15th are also 2 hours apart by car… and he does not drive. (they are 40 and 52)…. They have been an LDR couple from the beginning for over 2 years… they will continue to be LDR for the next three years while he finishes his job. They see each other 3 weekends out of every 4 and are blissfully happy…. In three years when he retires he will move down here to be with her full time…
I very much think this can and will work…
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Well if you look at it another way, its only like you two already being married, living together and then a job requires one of you to go over seas for a while to work.
Anyone can make a marriage last if the commitment and determination is there.
Its all about finding the right balance between work and the marriage so neither suffers as a result of the other.
As long as you can sort out a routine for visits and not to mention you can stay in touch via phone calls, texts, video link etc, I'm sure things will work out.
Just try not to let the emotional side of this put a strain on things for either of you, and the rest will fall into place.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): If it works is down to you two, nobody can predict the outcome. 3 years is a long time and if neither of you can change jobs then its got to be. If your strong and committed to each other you stand a good chance of making the relationship last.The time you have together will be precious.
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