A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone :) My mother passed away a few months ago leaving me a tiny apartment. The law in my country is such that I need to pay a heck of a lot of money in taxes in order to get hold of that apartment and a very high yearly tax in order to keep it. I know, it sucks!It's a lot of money every year for a few years and I just don't have it. I've already rented out a room in my own house and I'm looking for a second job, but my final option was to ask the bank for a loan. It's not something to lose sleep over, but I was a little upset since I've never had money issues before. Anyway, I was talking about this with my fiancé (husband in three weeks, actually... yay!)and he said: "Look, we are family now. I've been saving forever and I have I'd love to give you the money you need. It's not a loan and there's no way I want it back. You know, what's yours is mine. I just don't want you to get upset over money issues, I want you to be calm and relaxed. Please let me help you.". At first I said no thanks, because I felt like "stealing" the money from him but now... I am recondsidering. Does he have a point? Is this what family is for? Would you accept the money or would I be taking advantage of my position as a soon-to-be-wife?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): If I were you, I would not take his money. I would not feel right about it. Yes I know you're going to be married. But marriage does not absolve us of personal responsibility. If you accept his monetary gift - which is very gracious and generous of him - I would treat it as you would if it was a friend who offered to pay this for you, not your future husband.If a friend offered to pay this for you, would you accept it?If not, why would you accept it from your fiance? You can graciously accept monetary gifts from friends or family members. But you acknowledge that it is a GIFT. but with a fiance or spouse, suddenly people feel entitled. The gratitude is gone because of the expectation that "well I'm now entitled to his money since we're married." or even worse "since we're married he has no money of his own it's all equally mine"...So you're operating on a very different level now.Of course when you are married (I've been married 14 years), you do share money on some level, some couples more than others. You do take for granted that your spouse buys the groceries today and you don't have to pay him back, and you pay the electric bill this month and he doesn't have to pay you back. that's different because it's mutual shouldering of finances that benefit BOTH parties mutually.If there is some big expense that benefits only one spouse (say the husband wants a new motorcycle and the wife has no interest in motorcycles and won't be partaking in it) then that spouse should pay for it on their own, I believe. Now let's say one of your parents passes away and then who pays for the funeral? well if by then there's already been a history of shared financial responsibility that's mutually beneficial then it doesn't matter.But in your situation you haven't yet established that history of mutually beneficial financial sharing. instead you're starting off your marriage with HIM making this huge monetary gift to you. To me that's totally different.Therefore if I were you I would thank him but decline his offer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): that is lovely of him! you will be his WIFE!!! you are not taking advantage of him! :)
Be very very grateful, APPRECIATIVE and tell him how much it means to you, and how lucky you are to have him, to encourage him :D
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 My fiance before we had a wedding date, paid off all my debt... it was his choice. I did not wish it... I even told him not to but his statement was I want US to be fee of debt.
In a committed relationship it's not his money, my money it's OUR money, it's OUR life...
we pool everything'
we share everything
my debt (and lousy credit rating) was his.
now my lack of debt and increasing credit line is his also... and we can purchase a bigger and better home TOGETHER in a few years...
he offered it out of love
he offered it to take care of YOU and therefore take care of US.
there are three things in your relationship
him
you
and US
we often ask "how are WE" vs HOW are YOU..
yes dear, this is WHAT family is for.
say yes... it is what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 If you took your fiance's money you are not taking advantage of him.
He offers it to you lovingly.
Take it with love, or dont take it with love.
Its your blessing and your choice :)
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 August 2012):
 In my marriage there has never been any MY money only OUR money. This is something that has to be discussed fully before the wedding. #1 cause for marriage disputes. If both of you agree that combining finances are the way you want to go, then I would let him help you out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Sorry about your mom. Its in every country you Need to Pay tax on inheritance and then every year tax to the city. There are ways to avoid the inheritance tax but it needs to be done before the fact not after. If apartment is paid for, the yearly tax is only a small amount of money comparing to rent. For example for a big house you would pay in my state of Florida only $3k a year, but if you rent you would pay 24k a year.I don't know which country you are from though.I think the fact that your future husband offered you money is very normal.He sounds like a very nice man, congratulations!!It's time for you guys make financial decisions together, because 3 weeks will be here very soon, and for the rest of your lives together this what you will be doing, making these decisions together.This is in fact how it's supposed to be. Unfortunately in my country people tend to divide everything and what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine doesn't work here.Good luck with your apartment, and happy life together!!
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