A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, My boyfriend proposed with a ring that he paid 20 dollars. If he was earning a low income, I would not be asking for advice. However, he drives an expensive car, has about 50 pairs of shoes, good job, etc. should I be upset? Am I being greedy for asking if I should be upset? I'm just surprised he would get a cubic Zarconia on a silver band. I mean a white Sapphire is also affordable but very nice. Anyway, I found the receipt and the ring was 19.99. If you were in my situation, what would you feel? I'm kind of confused about this. Thank you agony aunts and uncles. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (23 March 2013):
Maybe hes testing to see if you are after his money?Did you say "yes, and now can we go and buy a proper ring"?Op, there are much more important things!
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (22 March 2013):
That man has messed up a major moment which does not bode well. The presentation of a lovely ring to make you unbelievably happy, or a definite indication that a shared trip to a jewellers is on the cards would have been right.
Leaving you wondering with some bit of tat to look at is wrong wrong wrong.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 Are you sure the receipt is for that ring?
I like Tisha's idea a lot.
I have to tell you that my engagement ring is so over the top that it looks faux. It's not but I am sure I could find one that LOOKS just like it for 20 bucks... granted it would FEEL much lighter... and that's how I would know..
platinum (which is what diamonds of any worth need to be set in) is HEAVY...
I hope this is a misunderstanding.. that the receipt belongs to something else or the ring was a "placeholder" till you said yes then he could take you to find the ring you both want to have...
IF he truly meant to propose with a cheap 20 dollar ring and had no intentions of telling you it was cheap costume jewelery, while having tons of money himself, then you may have to be concerned... is he generous with his money and time and affection in other ways?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2013):
 LOL @ Cerberus
Cats are awesome.
And I agree, If he normally likes expensive things, I'd wait it out a while too. I just can't imagine a guy would do this and be serious. ( the $20 ring I mean).
OP did you say yes? How was the rest of his proposal?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Oh, just to add though. Wait it out, I have a feeling he has a surprise up his sleeve perhaps. Maybe you'll find the real one in a champagne glass in a beautiful restaurant or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Get it checked, but also it could be a surprise or something, not even a homeless person would be so stingy OP.
If it's not some kind of joke and he seriously expects a 20 buck ring to cut it then I don't think it will.
It's not the price that matters, Op that's a ring he wants you to wear forever as a symbol of his love for you and it costs 20? What does that say when relative to his means?
My fiancée's was 60k and that's peanuts as to what I'm actually worth financially, but that's all it cost for her custom made ring. If that ring cost less or more then I would have paid too, because frankly when she looks at her hand or others comment I want her to be able to always think good things and be proud of it and she still is beaming with pride and showing it off 4 months after my proposal.
That's her dream ring. If I was on the dole and could only afford something cheaper then I'd still have gone to huge lengths to find a ring that is just beautiful.
A silver band with cubic zarconia is what you give your 8 year old daughter to play dress up with. I really don't know any adult woman who would wear such a cheap tacky ring. I mean my fiancée has tonnes of gawdy cheap plastic things but nothing that's trying to pass itself off as luxurious.
As for male anons comment. I'm fabulously wealthy, only an absolute idiot would make an engagement a test in fact I'd tell him to fuck off if that's the case. Why ask you to marry him if he even slightly suspects you're in it for money? Not a very high opinion of you if that's the case. Also cats are awesome.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2013):
Yes, I would be offended. I wouldn't EXPECT a $5,000 or $500,000 ring, but a $20? ring from a guy who has a decent job? I find that a joke.
He might be testing you to see how you react and to be honest I would tell him you find it a little disappointed to be proposed with a $20 ring.
So you are left with this, what is more important? That he wants to marry you but doesn't want to spend money on a ring for you or that he is cheap when it comes to you? Does the RING matters to you in the grander scheme? Does it look good on your finger?
I am NOT buying into the ring SHOULD cost 3 months salary thing some people expect. But $20?
I didn't pick mine out either ( I don't think it's the woman's job to pick it out, but I know it's common for many women to want to do so.) I am not a gold-digger or high maintenance woman when it comes to jewelry. I would be thinking he was joking with a $20 ring, no doubt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Uh oh I would run....no not because he should spend thousands but usually its indicative of a selfish person and not really intrested in making you the happy wife just the wife of sorts my ex husband did the same thing i bought hook line and sinker the shit sbout not being materialistic ( i madeenough to buy whatever i wanted so the ring was just a symbol) he went on to be themost selfish narcassistic asshat that stopped working and refused to do anything then afte destroying me financially found a mistress that would support him and left..... Heed the warning, a good man will spend an amount that is reasonable for his finacial status and want to omake you happy bevause he is happy and hopes you will be hs wife and life partner. Trust your gut, this is not a man serious about you and a true marriage. Sorry good luck xoxo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Uh oh I would run....no not because he should spend thousands but usually its indicative of a selfish person and not really interested in making you the happy wife just the wife of sorts my ex husband did the same thing i bought hook line and sinker the shit about not being materialistic (i made enough to buy whatever i wanted so the ring was just a symbol) he went on to be the most selfish narcassistic asshat that stopped working and refused to do anything then after destroying me financially found a mistress that would support him and left..... Heed the warning, a good man will spend an amount that is reasonable for his finacial status and want to make you happy because he is happy and hopes you will be his wife and life partner. Trust your gut, this is not a man serious about you and a true marriage. Sorry good luck xoxo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Well, an engagement ring stays with you forever so yeah I would be offended. its the ring you show your friends family children. why don't you take him out and casually ask him why he chose this specific ring? I guess telling that you know its for 20 dollars might seem like you're keeping a check.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (21 March 2013):
 A man who is generous in spirit whether he is rich or poor, is a better human being than a man who is miserly in spirit. This man lavishly spends on himself, but gives you the bare minimum for an engagement. He sounds like a Scrooge. Is he a Scrooge in other areas of his life?
I once dated a guy who had no issue with spending $1000 to accessorize his car, but gave me a used ring (one which he had taken back from his ex). It was a very telling sign of the kind of character he was. He turned out to be the biggest loser I ever met.
I don't think you're upset, but your alarm bells are going off about this man. It is making you question his character and how much he values you. Don't surpress the questions that are surfacing within you. You should also be prompted to examine other parts of your relationship. Is he the kind of man you want to marry? Only you can answer that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Perhaps he just wants to know you want to marry him for who he is and not the money he has? I think buying a $20 ring is a good test of character, if you turned your nose up at it he gets a good idea of what is truly important in your relationship.I am happily engaged to be wed in a few months, but if the person I loved was a millionaire and they proposed with a candy ring and they really meant it then why does the ring matter?!I think it's really sad that the general culture in the western world is to flash the ring like the bigger and better it is the more you must be loved.Look how fortunate you are, you have met someone who wants to spend their life with you and you're worrying about a ring?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2013):
 hmmmm this is a toughy as some people will say it's the thought that matters, not the money. however, in this instance, there was clearly no thought put into it at all, and i don't think it makes you selfish for being highly disappointed. honestly, i can't imagine only spending $20 on an engagement ring. i spent more than that on chinese food for myself just the other night. the way a lot of people look at purchasing rings is that it's a sign of dedication. if he waltzes out and buys this crappy ring in fifteen minutes with no thought or effort from walmart or something, it shows no lack of giving a damn on his part at all. paying attention the cut and style of the ring is important. you should shop around and find the one you know your future wife will die over! also, i believe that how dedicated you are to purchase the ring shows how dedicated you are to the relationship. for example, if he were to save up for six months to a couple of years for the ring, it's a sign that he's incredibly serious about you. but if he goes out and spends no time and practically no money on it, what kind of dedication does that show? it's somewhat symbolic to the amount of effort he's going to be willing to put into your marriage.so with all that being said, yes, i would be a little upset, too. he really should have known better than that. that's a little ridiculous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): I know people who live in a nice place but is rented and drive expensive cars they're still paying for and their design clothes is all paid with their credit cards, is your fiance one of those, maybe he's not careful with his money and doesn't have 10k to buy you a nice diamond ring or maybe he's selfish and doesn't want to spend much on you then yes you should be upset.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Go to a jeweler and ask them to appraise it for insurance purposes. They will let you know what it is worth. Then tell him you went to have the ring valued for insurance purposes and found that it wasn't worth insuring. Be very concerned about this, as you could say that you are very concerned that he has been the victim of a con artist, scammer or jewel fraud.Or tell him that you took the ring to be resized and were told then that it wasn't valuable.Do go make sure you aren't making a mistake first, by seeing a jeweler with the ring. Then, if he has indeed spent $20 but is pretending it's worth a lot more, then you have something you can indeed discuss with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): He is seeing if you love him or his money. The ring is a symbol, nothing more. Are you materialistic and grasping? Or do you truly love him for him?Appreciate the man not his net worth. Otherwise you will find yourself alone, 60 years old with 50 cats and a life of regrets
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): If it wasn't a joke, I'd be extremely hurt. Does he treat you well otherwise or did he propose at McDonalds? I don't mean to sound shallow, but a ring is a big deal to a lot of women, it is something you wear everyday and love to show off. I wouldn't want someone I loved to go into debt to give me a ring, but I would hope to at least have a real diamond.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Yeah I would feel offended too. Any chance you could discuss this with him in an amicable way? Maybe he wanted to take you shopping to choose your own ring, you never know.
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