A
female
age
30-35,
*il kitty
writes:Ok well here goes.. Im 14 nd ma bf is 15 nd we are havin sex. Im completly comfortable wit it. Ive discussed wat would happen if i got pregnant nd he said he would stay wit me nd help look afta da baby. But im still worried. If he does get me pregnant accidently wat would i tell ma mum? She still lyks to think i'm a lil girl. I wouldnt mind havin a baby but i dont want ma mum to hate me if i do get pregnant wat would i tell her? nd we do use a condom but once it came off nd i think i might be pregnant.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 I am 36 and pregnant - baby very much wanted but frankly the whole idea of being a parent terrifies me even though I am married, great house and money in the bank...my point is that you are not in a committed relationship, you live with your mother and you are not earning. Babies are expensive and teenage boys make lots of promises when they are horny that they may back out off later on. More to the point, at 15 how would he support a baby??? Having a baby at 14 would be a disaster for you that would turn your whole life around - no nights out, lots of sleepless nights, no money and no life. I dont think it is a good idea to have sex at 14 but if you must at least take some responsibility for what is happening and use contraception. If you are too scared to tell your mother about a possible pregnancy, you are too young to be a parent. Take a pregnancy test to make sure you are not, then start using contraception.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (1 August 2007):
 I've got a better idea - get on the birth control Pill or continue practicing safe sex with your b/f and you won't have to have that much dreaded conversation with your mum. Having a baby will change your whole life, and believe it or not, it'll change the relationship you have with your b/f too. I've seen guys who said they loved a girl, do the backstroke as soon as she becomes pregnant and they twist off, never to be seen again. Don't do that to yourself. Guys will say anything to you to continue having sex with you. You have your whole life ahead of you and having a baby is a HUGE responsibility. It's a fulltime job, even when you're tired, and exhausted, and sick with the stomach flu - that baby still has to be cared for and fed and loved. There are no "days off" and it can be overwhelming to someone your age. It's best to put off parenting until you're older and have finished your education, making decent money, and gotten married.
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Hi there Lil Kitty,
To answer your question about what you would tell your mother if you became pregnant... I'm going to recommend a website. It's what I recommend to everyone that I see has this sort of situation come up in their lives. Most people can't thank me enough for pointing them in the direction of the site - it lets you know how to break it to your parents in several ways, how your boyfriend can tell his parents, what to expect from your parents as a reaction to the news, and also has some reading material for parents. Take a look - I'm sure it will be loads of help! ^_^
http://www.momdadimpregnant.com/
Also, have you considered taking another form of birth control? If you were to use another form of contraception - such as the pill, the ring, etc - then it'd be much less likely that you'd get pregnant. (Although condoms work very well on their own when used properly!) Better safe than sorry, eh? ^_^ Go ahead and speak with your doctor or make an appointment at a free clinic near you. (Not sure what's in your area, the american health care system is so crappy and backwards - maybe everything by you is free?)
Hope this helps! Take care.
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A
female
reader, kelpel +, writes (1 August 2007):
You wouldnt mind having a baby now, but you might feel differently when you are in your early 20's with a small child to look after while all your friends are out partying and on holiday enjoying their lives.
I think 'wouldnt mind' is completely different to 'wanting' a baby, and my best advice to you would be firstly to maybe speak to your doctor or family planning clinic and discuss going on birth control pills. Tell your mom you are having sex and tell her you have took it upon yourself to make sure it is safe sex.
I'm sure you will be much more respected than if you accidentally fall pregnant and have to tell your mom that her 15 yr old child is having a child.
You are very young and what you think is what you want now may be completely different in time.
be careful, be wise, good luck!
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (1 August 2007):
I think you should tell your mum now that you are having sex, that way she can advise you and your bf on how to have safe sex, in order to not have a unwanted pregnancy. It sounds to me like you wouldnt mind having a baby, yet you know your mum doesnt want you too. If you tell her that you are havign sex, before you get pregnant, she will be less mad because she will still see hope in controling the situation.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (1 August 2007):
I think you should tell your mum now that you are having sex, that way she can advise you and your bf on how to have safe sex, in order to not have a unwanted pregnancy. It sounds to me like you wouldnt mind having a baby, yet you know your mum doesnt want you too. If you tell her that you are havign sex, before you get pregnant, she will be less mad because she will still see hope in controling the situation.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (1 August 2007):
Lil kitty,
You don’t need to plan how to tell your mum anything because you aren’t going to get pregnant are you?
The wording of your question suggests that you maybe have some idea of ‘accidentally on purpose’ getting pregnant. You should know that most young men say that they would stay and help if their girlfriends become pregnant, and actually very few of them do. They mean it when they say it, but fantasy and reality are 2 very different things. In practice, almost all teenage mums are on their own by the end of the first year. Endless sleepless nights, stinking nappies, and a constantly crying baby will make you tired, irritable, and a very different girl from the one you are now. A young man of his age will not have the maturity to be able to deal with this drastic change in you. He will also not be able to handle losing 98% of your attention to your child. He will start to think of his mates, going out, getting his freedom back again. A choice that will not be open to you.
Maybe you both have a rosy romantic picture of parenthood in your teens, but that is absolutely not how it would be. I know you are sure your relationship is special and different from everyone else’s, but you don’t want to find out the hard way that you were wrong. You can’t change your mind when you are on your own, tired, depressed and bored with your hum-drum life. Your friends will be out there living their young lives as they should, and you will miss out on all the things you could be doing with your teens and twenties.
You would also be very selfish in deliberately bringing a child into the world when you are still a child yourself. A baby has the right to 2 adult parents who are absolutely committed to each other, who have some life-experience, and are able to support it financially. You haven’t gone out into the world and got that life experience yet. How could you bring up a child to deal with the world when you hardly know it yourself yet? How could your boyfriend hope to support a child?! They are very expensive, and go on getting more and more expensive with every year.
You have 20 years in which to get your education, find your feet in the world, and have children. Do yourself and your future children a big favour and grow up yourself before you make this huge and unchangeable commitment.
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