A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do people live alone and do okay? I find myself single and alone due to the ending of a 20 year relationship but I absolutely hate it and think now, that I have been co-dependent my whole life. How do people do it? I get so bored and lonesome. My parents are both dead, my siblings are all scattered. My friends have their own families, spouses and kids to spend time with and I can't horn in on their family time every night. I try to find things to do, hobbies, I'm involved in community theater, but my life seems to empty and I really hate being alone. How do people do this and love it? I don't want to be desperate to find another man, but I worry that I'm going to be vulnerable to any man's attention, simply to fill up the lonely hours. And I hate sleeping alone. I absolutely hate it. Please help! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, snoop cat  +, writes (10 October 2010):
It is hard to start up relationships but if you do not try you will stay alone and the longer you stay alone the harder it will be to brake the cycle.I was married and now i am divorced,so i decided to go back and study for my degree as a clinical psychologist, but every one must first made a choice to make a choice in order to make a change in their life.I say make the best choice that you can make in order to cause a change that will be for you benefit,do not let fear stop you.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (1 August 2007):
 You need to work on things that make you more self confident. Confidence is sexy, and great guys are attracted to confident women. Getting involved with hobbies is a great start. You might also exercise or take a class. Do whatever it takes to be comfortable in your own skin.
It has been my experience that when I've decided that I like who I am and don't need a man in my life that they guys are suddenly very attracted. But if I'm desperate for a man, they seem to disappear.
Stop thinking about guys. Take care of you. When the confidence comes, the right man will too. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): Hi
I have been divorced for 4 years now and I do understand, but a word of caution, dont get involved with a man as a "cure" for the loneliness as he will be the wrong type of guy. Log onto email sites that help you meet friends, join evening classes. Talk to your friends find out if they know anyone who is single. Remember everyday somewhere a relationship is ending so there is a potential for hundreds of new friends. Think about all the things you enjoy doing and get yourself involved in those hobbies. Volunteer to help out at National Trust or Kent Wildlife trust or similar.
Think of all the positives you can eat Pizza for breakfast now if you fancy it!!!! Remember you are not alone, there are loads in the same boat, reach out to another lonely person and you wont be lonely anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): After a divorce I was really lonely. I had a 5yr old and getting out to socialise was difficult, babysitters, money etc. Many an evening I used to sit and cry when my child had gone to bed because I thought I needed a man in my life and felt utter despair. Having dated many jerks and gone through lots of heartaches, I have finally arrived at a place that I enjoy. Yes my own company, I enjoy socialising with my friends but I love that free time in the evening when I'm alone. Ten years after my divorce, I have found that being on my own and taking charge of my own life has left me with a great sense of liberation. What you have to convince yourself is that you are better off alone, otherwise you attract all the wrong guys, the ones that are going to mess you around and sense your neediness. Once you become strong within yourself, you will attract the right sort of partner. I know its difficult but you've got to keep yourself busy and when you least expect it that special someone will enter your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): Hi, I am only 20 but my mom is in your position i believe. she will never admit to me she is lonely but i knwo she is. she has been married and divorced twice, both to abusive men and then had a 6 year relationship with another abusive man. I kno she is just afraid to get into another relationship bc she is so scarred from the past, but i desperately wish she would find someone to make her happy. Getting a pet is a wonderful idea. My mom got a pekinese puppy and it is so sweet and loyal to her. The puppy makes her very very happy and not only helps her not to be lonely, but walking the dog gives her exercise which produces endorphins and boosts her mood. She also has friends who are all married and scattered siblings, just like you. What I truly think would help both you and her is to find some single women your age in the same position as you. They can become your go to girls: dinner and movie dates and even be your "wing-girls" to go out on the town with and search for that special someone. I pray every night that my mom will find a good group of girlfriends to spend her time with and I will also pray the same for you. Hope this helps. Take care 3
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Hi,
First, stop beating yourself up over it. There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely, and admitting that you dont like being alone.
I have two very close friends who dont mind it at all, and are quite happy to go home alone and spread there-selves out in bed.
Personally I hate it and love being with people all the time. I lived alone for a long time before being with my partner, and i felt like you did. I cant say that it didnt get easier over time, but I have never been comfortable with my own company.
My friends are far more indipendant than me, and have a lot more fun as well.
We are just all different, and after all you were with a partner for 20 years. That will take time to get used to.
I think you sound like you are doing ok, and its not till you meet a guy and he starts to take up your time, that you realise just how busy you really are.
I know that if I were alone again, I would definatly go and live with another single girl, or if you have a spare room, rent it out.
I know that it wont help the sleeping situation, but at least it would be someone in the house with you, that will keep you company. And you wont take the desperate action of having any guy that comes along.
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