A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have known each other for years (5+) and been dating for 2 of those years. For a while we have told each other that we seem right together and cannot imagine the future without each other.A month or so ago he began slipping in questions in conversations like, "do you believe in marriage" and "do you want kids? how many?". If things continue to go well, I would love for him to propose and for us to marry...But there's a catch. He is not an American citizen. He has expressed in the past that he plans on going back to Britain eventually. Along with his other questions that he slips into conversations, he asked if I ever saw myself moving out of America. At this point it's moved onto "WHEN we live together".If we do get married I would probably be the one moving to his country. By what he's expressed, I don't see him staying here. He has been done with college for years (grad in UK, worked in UK and US)and his job experience is extensive and impressive (what he's making is close to 6 digits...), and it's easy for him to find work. I on the other hand am finishing up my Bachelor's so am just getting started with my career (which, fortunately, would still be valuable in another country).I love this man so much, I cannot see myself saying no and refusing to move if he moves. But I have spent my whole life in America. It would mean leaving not only the only EVERYTHING I've ever known, but leaving my family behind. I'm mostly concerned about my mother. I am her only child. She is not married, and my grandparents live with her. Me and my mother are very close. I'm scared I'll break her heart if I move across the world.I mean, how do I mentally prepare for this should this happened? We are not even engaged but I honestly feel that, unless something major happens, we will be engaged sooner or later.What can I do with my mother to comfort her if this should happen? How will I deal with the "culture shock"?And I'm curious- what would YOU do? Would you refuse to move and end a relationship with someone you LOVE?! I just can't imagine myself doing that. The way I feel about him, feels as though I'd follow him anywhere...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): No matter what anyone else would do, this decision relies on you weighing up the pros and cons of each situation. Regardless of being in another country can you handle being away from your family? Your mum may support you but you might struggle?Should a move abroad look like it's going to happen; you need to have a trip to the UK and look at houses/flats and jobs etc...you need to be well informed about what your new life will offer and whether it meets your expectations. It's important not to see it as a holiday but an actual opportunity to see how you cope being so far from friends and family and whether you like it. I live in the UK, I wouldn't want to live any where else (maybe New Zealand...!) but for a very small country the differences in areas here are huge. London is an incredibly expensive place to live, the north of England is cheaper but job opportunities not always the same as the south, as most countries cities are pricey than rural areas and some rural areas the public transport is pretty much non existent and driving is essential. There's lots to consider. Do your research and speak at length with friends and family for their support and suggestions.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2015): Don't forget moving to good ol' blighty you will need to purchase a monocle, never talk about relations and if you must consummate only ever do it in a dimly lit room wearing as many clothes as possible. Oh and consume lots of sugar so you have really bad teeth...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2015):
 I gave up my "normal" life to move to the US with my husband. IT WAS a culture shock in many ways. SO I can see how you moving from the UK from the US would be as well.
You will come to a country where you speak the same language (for the most part) so THAT makes it a LOT easier.
I would look into American Companies with offices/branches in the UK, where you can USE your education.
I would give it a year (or two) trial run - if you get a job (like mentioned above) you DO NOT need to marry to stay there, which means you two can LIVE together and see how THAT goes.
I spend a year living and working in London and loved it. I had actually planned to go back after college but then "life" got in the way and well, I ended up in the US instead.
Hubby served in the Army and he was up for a duty station in the UK and I REALLY wished we could have gone.
Personally, I LOVE England. Always will.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 January 2015):
I agree with MidnightShadow: do a trial run before you truly take the plunge. England isn't so different from the USA, not in any way that would be a culture shock aside from the mentioned gun restrictions and driving on the left side of the road.
The biggest hurdle is going to be leaving everyone behind in the US and starting over. I lived in London for half a year with the intention of staying and building a life there, but the loneliness got to me so much I couldn't stick it out for long. Most people I met or worked with were only there temporarily, so they were gone before I could really bond with them. And sure, modern technology allowed me to contact my family and friends, but it's just not the same.
Also, don't assume that if you've never been homesick while on vacation, it'll be the same here; this is permanent, vacation never was. You're gonna have to find out (if it ever gets that far) if your boyfriend is enough to make up for having to leave your life behind.
So please try it out before you go through with it.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (28 January 2015):
 Honestly, I don't think there's much of a culture difference. I think, for the most part, we are America on a smaller scale. That said, random homeowners can't own guns and the weather may be different (depending on the state you live in).
The only daily difference that I can think may be a little difficult, would be learning costs, unless you already know.
Maybe do a little bit of research and, if I'm honest, I wouldn't move until you do a 3 - 6 month trial living there; before you marry him, you need to know if you'll be happy being away from your family and friends for so long at a time.
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