A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everybody,I have one question.I've been dating with someone for about a half year now. He's not my boyfriend, we see each other once a week or once on two weeks. We usually go to my or his house and we sleep together. Or we go just for a drinks. And between our dates we don't text messages, talking on a phone etc. I'm 22, he's 31. He's not married or anything like that, i know many of his friends and they all think he's good person. And still, we keep it as a secret, nobody knows about our secret dates, except few people.And we still just can't decide for relationship. Our last conversation about "where we stand right now" was 2 months ago and we have decided to wait, because we were not sure. We get along really well. But i've become anxious about whole situation a few weeks ago. There is no safety or security, which is in relationship. Sometimes i just want to call him, but then i don't because i think "this is not that serious relationship". And i miss him often. Once on week or once on two weeks has just become not too often enough for me. I think i want him as my boyfriend right now. So how to tell your lover you want him as your boyfriend? I don't want to be ashemed of my feelings and make us both uncomfortable. What would you do? Any advice would be very helpful! I wish you all a year of your life. :) And i'm sorry for my english, it's my second language.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 You seem to have the classic "Friends with benefits" mismatch; wherein YOU want a "relationship"... and your PARTNER (your "FWB") doesn't want a relationship.....
As long as YOU keep putting out for him, he has no motive to get in concert with you.....
Your decision...
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I myself was in a simlar situation a few weeks ago...I just told my friend that i wanted him to be my boyfriend he didnt have a problem with and this is were we are today and we still enjoy each others company..At first i wasnt going to push the issue but then i started feeling like i didnt want him to have the freedom to date other people and apparently he felt the same way..Just because you make him your boyfriend doesnt mean you relationship has to change over so fast,,I know we personally are just more comfortable being a couple then just dating..My advice you have nothing really to lose and he probably feels the same way you do but says nothing figuring you want things to stay the same..TAKE A CHANCE GIRL HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE LOL
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Actually, I find your English is very good. My advice is to meet up with him and tell him how you feel and that you want to take it to the next level. Then listen to what he has to say.
There are 2 ways this could turn out and before you meet up with him you need to think about how you will proceed:
1. He accepts your wishes to be in a relationship with him.
2. He denies your wishes to be in a relationship with him.
If your situation turns out to be number 1 then Congratulations and I wish you the best! However if your situation turns out to be number 2 then what will you do then?
You can either stay as a lover or leave him and find someone who is interested in being in a relationship with you.
Good Luck and don`t forget to update!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I'm going to resist talking about the fact that I think he's using you, that he's keeping your relationship secret to he remains unattached and available to other women, and that he is clearly not interested in anything more than occasionally sleeping with you as evidenced by the absolutely lack of any communication between your dates.
That being said... the next time you see each other you could plainly tell him that you enjoy your time together, that you missed him this week and you were often wondering how he was doing. See how he reacts and whether he also missed you.
If he was also wondering "how you were doing" and not just missing physically, you could end the night with an "I'm going to miss you" and then wait until the next time to ask him to be your boyfriend.
If he simply acknowledges what you're saying but doesn't reciprocate, you can choose to remain fuck buddies with him.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (3 January 2012):
Personally I would never start a relationship by having sex. I mean, I like the old fashioned style. Where you start by asking the other one to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.
As you started backwards (as a lot of people do) you face this problem, which is very common. Once the relationship has started informal, it's hard to change it. Usually there is one of you who is more interested in a serious relationship than the other.
Anyway, I guess you have to tell him how you feel about this. You seem to have fallen for him, so you should tell him. Even if you see there is a chance he could run away.
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