A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This had been one of the hardest days of my life and i have finally realised that i meant absoloutely nothing at all to him. I have not spoken to my ex for a month, not including the text i got just over two weeks ago. My ex responded a month ago to my many mesages saying that he was messed up and needed time for himself and that it was not me, but him and that he still loved me. I left him a chistmas present in his mailbox, he does not live there, but is at his parents house which is out of town. The present was gone, though his estranged wife could have got it. He did not tell me he got the present or anything. Anyway two weeks ago he did respond to a message i sent which asked him how he went at court, to which he replied thanks for the luck today, and am now able to see the kids through supervised visits, thanks again. I thought that i was giving him space and that he might come back to me as he had in the past, but now i see how wrong i was.Today i see his car with his wife sitting in it, well technically it is her car, but he gave her his car as it was bigger and he was using this one. Last time i heard he was not allowed to see her or contact her at all and was not allowed within 200 meters of her. He was facing charges for breaking the AVO that was in place before, and resisting police arrest and driving recklessly, so unless within 2 weeks he is now allowed to see her and considering it was christmas and i do not see how the police would drop the case and court would have not been in session than they are both breaking the AVO.You can read my other posts about him if you want more background.That not really the problem, but after seeing her and though i did not see him there is no other explanation. I just feel so stypid and embrassed as for some reason i love him so much and i was holding out hope that i would hear from him again, but now i realise the truth he never loved me at all, he hates me and would not even give me closure and tell me the truth. They are both laughing at me and it makes me sick, there laughing at everyone.So i guess you can cheat on someone, threaten to kill then, actually try, but stop yourself, run your wife and your children off the road and still end up with the girl and absoloutely no consequences. You can use some other girl and fill her head with lies, and make her still hope by not giving her full closure just to get your kicks, make her fall so completly in love with you and then throw her away like a piece of garbage, you can escape all accountability from the law and from your family and rip someone elses heart out and kill there soul!!!! But still your life will tun out GREAT!!!! YOUR MARRIAGE WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFOREWhat is worse is I thought i knew this person, but i was so wrong about there character and now he gets everything he wants and i have to have her smug grin in my head everytime i close my eyes, saying i won and we are together and have out witted everyone, the police, his parents and especially you, as there i was feeling sorry for him and worried about him, fool for me, as i belived he would secretly come back like all the other times. i cannot take the pain anymore i am too soft inside and i hurt to easy. i guess i deserve the pain.I dont know much about relationships and considering he can do what he did to her, then i guess they love one another alot
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think i just had a backward step in my recovery process from seeing her, it was like day one again. I dont really know if they are seeing one another, it is all in my head which is messed up right now. Though it does appear that way though they are just thoughts. So i had a slip and am back at the start again
I do have a therapist, but i personally think too much emphasise is put on therapy as i still have to process the emotions.
Thanks guys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): OP I remember your previous posts:
U will not like what I am going to say but here goesh
Stop acting like a victim. At least u are rid of this married man once and for all.
This man is bad, oh so bad yet u pine for him?
Don't worry whether his wife leaves their kids alone and goes out with him. His wife and his business is of no concern to u. U need to chalk this up to experience, cut off all the drama and move on. First though, u need counselling! Please consider counselling in order to heal and move on.
There are NO winners in this mess. I remember what u wrote about his treatment of his wife and kids: how he almost killer her while with you. Is this what u want in your life? It could have been yo, instead of her in this nightmare.
He is/was married. Enough said! I repeat :heal and move on. Go out and find yourself a SINGLE man, not a married man. U can get out of this flunk. U just need to cut of all communication, hold your head up high and move on.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Thank God this man cut all contact with you! It's obvious you wouldn't cut contact with him. He sounds psychotic! He tried to KILL his ex wife AND his kids! What more evidence do you need that he's got some serious issues? You're lucky he didn't do anything like this to you. And you should feel nothing but sorry for those two. A woman who takes her husband back after her tries to kill her and their children... She must be desperate.I'm thinking you're not necessarily hung up on him, but that you're hung up on the fact that he and his wife got away with their awful and unforgivable actions unscathed and unpunished. You're the one suffering while they continue to live their lives and appear to be happy. Believe me, their marriage is not as picture-perfect as it seems, and they will regret their actions one day.You need to focus on YOU and the fact that you're not stuck with a man who treats his loved ones with manipulation and outright indecency. You also need to understand that you will not witness all of a person's unhappiness outside of what is chosen to be shown. You felt sorry for this man because he chose to share with you what he was going through, which was primarily bad things. It's like Facebook. If you chose to look at a person's life through their posts and their pictures, mostly every single person would be happy as could be with no problems and with hundreds of friends. It's all what they choose to share and what you choose to accept. DON'T believe their happy. They had major issues that haven't gone away just because they're both stupid enough to go back to one another. They're just choosing to ignore those issues until they become too big to ignore.You've won.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 You don't deserve the pain because nobody deserves pain, but you deserve learning from experience, in fact, as hard as it is seeing like this now, that was a gift you got, that if you use it properly may avoid you further and worse troubled relationship down the road.
The lesson is simple : it is what people do that count, not what they say.
This man was not accountable to his own family ( married or separated guy seeing a mistress behind everybody's back ) and was not accountable to the law itself ( breaking AVOs, resisting police arrest, driving recklessly... ). And you wanted him to be accountable to you ? .. Just because, at his own time and convenience, he'd take off, and later come back to you SECRETLY ?
The writing on the wall was there, you chose not to pay attention. It's the same as driving without paying any attention to the street signs, if it's not today it is tomorrow, eventually you get hurt.
Consider this a painful but very useful driving lesson, and from now on ...be caruful and drive safely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlesson definately learned about MM, we were actually good friends before all this, but what i saw was what he wanted me to see. I wanted out two days after we did anything, so he told his wife and said he wanted to be with me, there was back and forth for months after this, he moved out, though they tried to work things out. Which resulted in him threatening her life serveral times, blindfolding her once and making her lie down in the middle of the road while he drove the car towards her, and then later running her and the kids off the road. But i guess none of that matters, she now leaves her kids at home at night ALONE by themselves and goes to meet up with him. They are 3 and 6. They could at least meet up at her house so that way the kids are not alone, as one has asthma, but then again his parents would neevr allow that and lying to them works so well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): Only the 2 people in a marriage trully know whats going on. My bet is that now she's 'won' him back, nothing else matters.
But let's face it, he's no great prize is he?He's a liar a cheat and a coward.
If you can finally see his true colours,are now angry, then thats a good start on the road to getting over him, a long road yes. You've learnt a valuable lesson. One day you will look back and see he really wasn't worth the grief he caused, and married men should be left well alone.
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