A
male
age
30-35,
*urningIce13
writes:Hi there,I'm currently living in South Africa and I'm a citizen here by birth, I plan on moving to the USA after April 7 in 2009 because thats when I turn 18, currently I'm 17.I want to move there and go live there permanently for many reasons but the main one is to go live with girlfriend who is USA citizen by birth, the other main ones are that I've always wanted to live their and that I'll be able to finish school quicker there and better.There are basically no con's of me going over and only pro's.Both me and her are very serious over each other and do think everything through fully and carefully and also plan things very wisely.This is what both me and her want, to be together and for the other reasons I mentioned plus a lot more.A few months ago she told her parents everything, fully about me and her and they took it very well and they love the idea and they love me. They fully support us in every way and try to help us out anywhere they can which is really nice.I haven't told my parents everything yet though. There is a very good reason for it though. I would have told mine at the same time but haven't because of how they are, how they act and how they will react, what they will think say and do.They want me to stay in their house til I'm done with school (I'm not done with it yet) and also til I'm done studying for my degree, THEN they will let me go...I can understand that they want me to stay in house for as long as possible and also so that they can make sure I finish it all. Thats what most parents are like. I can see in there point of view but they are over doing it though.I've given off hints so far that I want to move to the USA and then they instantly get on my case saying that I will NOT and can NOT go anywhere til I'm done fully with all my studies and that won't be til I'm in my twenties for crying out loud.When I turn 18 here on April 7 2009 then won't be able to stop me at all what so ever and there power over me will completely fall away so then I'll be free to do as I please...I WANT to finish with school and DO want to do a degree after I'm done with that but they simply don't believe when I say it.I fully plan on finishing school when I arrive in the USA and then doing my degree. I'm going to do GED when I arrive in the USA. Me and my girlfriend will then be studying for our degrees at the same time.Also, her parents offered that we can stay in their house with them and that they will give us 2-3 rooms in house that is fully ours so we can be on our own. Basically to help us get on our feet at first til we can get a proper place of our own. So yeah her parents will be right there to help us out in case we need it which we won't. Also then we can help her parents out aswell if they need it.So yeah, me and her will both have a safe place to stay, food and everything, a income and also her parents are will to help us out. Will both be able to go on with our studies and everything and yeah, we have every single thing covered that there possibly is.We also don't need my parents permission but...we'd really love to have their blessing. To have them be alright with it all and let us be in peace without making things worse and harder for us. Also for them to help us out where they can.Don't know how to tell them though because they will totally freak out even though there is no downside to this. It's "my" decision, me and her "decision". We are old enough to decide for ourselves and we can think for ourselves. We know what we want and this is what we want.We are going to try talk to them and tell them everything and all the good things in this and that there is no bad ones and really hope for the best.Mostly likely though they are going to take it badly and say that she is a "bad" influence on me and that she is just plain bad and all that and call her all kinds of bad things and then do anything they possibly can to prevent me and her from having contact. Cutting my internet and taking away my cell phone. Probably doesn't matter if I bought it myself or if they did since I'm still under 18 til April 7 so they have the power to do it til then.My parents are like that, they will do such mean things like that...we don't know how to tell them and get them to be ok with it and to let me go and not worry about any of it including my studies.Question is...how do we do this?I apologize for typing so much, I tried to explain as much of the situation as possible so you can give a better more direct answer/solution to this having more info on it.I very much appreciate any information and help you can give.Also a few months ago I asked you guys another question and you answered it for me and it has helped a really lot. Just want to say thank you for that.Tristan --fake name Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 And if you don't get them to be on your side, well, grin and bear it.
A
male
reader, BurningIce13 +, writes (18 December 2008):
BurningIce13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate it and everything you said.
Well basically I just don't want them cutting my contact with her and thats cause it will like 3 months til I am able to go so will be 3 months til I am able to talk to her again somehow plus how will we be able to do our arrangements properly if we don't have contact so yeah basically all my parents would have managed by it is just making things harder for us and causing a huge inconvenience and such.
I fully instead to go on with my schooling and studies. Won't be skipping it one bit at all and also don't want to. I want to finish it all. Know that I won't get anywhere without proper qualifications plus I have goals set up for myself so I plan on going far.
I'm not going over there just to be with her, thats the main reason yes but I'm also going over there because its better in so many ways for me. One of the things is actually my studies. I'll be able to finish school A LOT earlier because of being highly advanced and also some other stuff. So that means I'll be able to start on my degree sooner which is great.
So far me and her are going to tell them anyway...we believe they have a right to know everything plus then our side will be clean. If they do anything bad then, then its their fault and they will have to deal with the guilt afterward once it kicks in.
I'm going to keep trying to talk to them and when I finally get through to them then I think I'll say something like " I have something important I want to talk to you about"
then I can perhaps tell them to fully listen first before saying anything and then I can tell them everything and then also all the good things in this and there is no bad things in this and that we have everything covered. Also that this is what we want and want I want and that I have thinking trough everything fully and properly.
I don't just do things. I think them through properly and cover everything first and make sure of things before acting and before doing so at least thats good.
Now I just seriously hope I can get them on my side...
was basically wonder what to say them thats all. to get them on my side as good as possible.
Tristan
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 December 2008):
Ooops! I forgot. As to "how to tell your parents", just tell them what you intend to do. Something like "I wanna live in Americaaaaaaa...". They will get angry and cut your privileges, and that will be fine. You need to get used to the fact that decisions have repercussions.
If you can't face your parents to tell them what you want to do with yourself, then you are not ready to do this kind of things.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 December 2008):
Tristan, some time ago I wanted to do something like what you are doing now. I have been on your shoes, then.
We don't know what your parents are like or why they would oppose your going to the United States. We don't know, either, what her parents are like, and what it would be like to live with them and share a home. We don't know what kind of a relationship you have with your girl, what she is like, et cetera. Et cetera, and et cetera.
We do know, however, that you're becoming eighteen very soon. Then you will be free to do as you please. You will have all the rights, and all the duties. That means that, if you make a wrong decision, in principle you can't ask anyone to save you. Also, if you're right, and often young people are right, then you can do what's right.
This will sound awful, but I also believe that parents need to be careful about the "decisions" they make regarding their sons and daughters. Recently I met a guy who decided to become a photographer. He said it would be too boring to have a third attorney in the family, and then one with the same name as his grandpa and his father. He didn't like "the legal life", so he became a photographer. He travels from here to there, rolls in the ground to get the right image (and quite a few amoebas), travels with two dirty shirts, two pairs of even dirtier boots and perhaps one piece of green, er, white underwear, but he's a very happy guy, and a great photographer. He's doing what he wanted. It wouldn't be good if he lived a life "according to plan", that is to say, to somebody else's plan about what your life has to be.
Just make sure you are also making reasonable decisions. Of course, sometimes a girl is the most reasonable of reasons. But don't just "skip school", because in this time and age you will go nowhere if you don't have specialized studies and you don't keep studying. In the Third World we don't have that, so we get all the manual labor that specialized guys don't have a reason to do. Make sure the move to the United States is a good decision, not only on the grounds of being with your girl. You could end up realizing that you're not that good a match. Another girl could catch your eye. There are so many things that could happen and you can't foresee, so make sure you're doing what's right for your life, not only what you like to do.
Wish you the very best, man. Once I was like you, and now I envy you. Stay this young at heart forever. Always be the horse that runs the race because it's fun, not just because he will get some oats at the end. People will stare at you and think you're crazy, and that will be great.
Love your Isolda, too.
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A
male
reader, BurningIce13 +, writes (18 December 2008):
BurningIce13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo you got it wrong. I couple of months ago I had a different question and got a answer on it that helped me. This is a different question now. I was just saying thank you for helping me with the earlier question a few months ago.
The one I asked a few months ago was about if I will be able to leave my country without my parents or anything stopping me when I turn 18.
Now my new question in this one is how to tell my parents and talk to them. To convince them to let me go and to have them on my side and to have their blessing with me going
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 You wrote about this a couple months ago and got excellent advice, why are you writing again with the exact same question?
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