A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There are some things worrying me about my girlfriend. At first, things were great and I never really had to spend much. Lately, the more I shell out, the more she expects it and doesn't really say thank you. I take her out all the time, we go on dates, see movies. I get her presents. She kept pestering me for this thing on ebay, and I told her I would get it for her but she had to pay me back. After I got it and I mentioned paying me back, she told me she didn't remember talking about that and replied, "Okay, I guess I can do that, I just won't have any of my own spending money..." I told her not to ask me for anything for awhile. Yesterday, while looking at something online me and my friend were getting a subscription for, she saw and without missing a beat asked me to get it for her too. Annoyed, I asked her "You should have at least 6 dollars in your account, right?" "Nope." "But that thing you bought was 35 and you said you had 54." "Oh, well that money is reserved." "So, you have 6 dollars..." "Technically no." Its just starting to get on my nerves. Sure, she initiates all the hangouts. She talks to me first, texts me every morning the moment she wakes up. she's affectionate, too. I mean, we hardly kiss as much as I'd like but still.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 May 2014):
 You are ENABLING her. By buying her gifts and "paying" for things she WANTS (but can't really afford) and then when she pitches a small FIT you give in and LET her have whatever she wants.
How do you tell if she is ONLY in it for monetary gain?
BY STOP paying for her. Stop paying for the both of you when going out. MAKE sure you tell her BEFOREHAND that you are low on money (whether it's true or not, none of her business) and that she will have to pay HER share if you go out.
DO NOT buy her anything ONLINE or in stores. DO NOT shower her with gifts.
The thing with gifts though.... YOU are BUYING her affections and MUCH as she is taking you for GRANTED.
A gift doesn't come with strings. Otherwise it's NOT a gift.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 To be honest I think you are part of the problem ;-) Buying her gifts, splashing your cash and being too willing to please her with presents has left you an easy target for manipulation.
This girl is a selfish user. Keep your money to yourself and go get a nicer GF!
Don't buy love, let it flourish naturally with a decent person. She doesn't kiss you much but she spends your money? Tell her the bank is closed and watch her change! Give her the elbow with one hand and keep the other on your wallet.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 April 2014):
Talk with her and tell her that you would like her to stop treating you like a bank. Then stop. Buy her only what you feel comfortable with and want to buy on your own. As soon as it feels like she'd be upset of you don't buy her something than DON'T!
Some people are just users. Once you stop indulging them you'll find out how they truly feel about you.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 This is how ‘some’ girlfriends subtly manipulate of their partners into buying them things… conveniently not remembering and laying out the guilt as if they won’t have any spending money…
And as much as you may like to do and buy special things for her occasionally; it’s obviously not fair to have your wallet taken advantage of either. Regardless of who initiates the hangouts and her texting you first etc. That isn’t the problem!?
Unfortunately you set up this precedence; the more you shell out, the more she expects. Now it’d be like taking candy away from a baby if you stopped. If you do temporarily suspend your generosity as you’ve mentioned, it’d be interesting to see how affectionate she is towards you then. Whether she can reciprocate and un-reserve some of her money to pay for your dates occasionally?
No Money – No Honey
CAA
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