A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel bad saying this but... Sometimes, when I am really close to my girlfriend's face, I feel unattracted to her.Well, I find her attractive at a closer than conversational level. But I tend to analyze every detail, line, and freckle on her face when she wants to gaze into my eyes.While she is being all romantic and in the moment, I am seeing all the problem areas. Then I think... what is she seeing on my face!?I don't want to seem insensitive, but I agree that partners need to do what they can to keep the attraction alive for one another (and I know I have to do my part too)We talk a lot about exercising and eating healthy together. However, talking about skin care just feels like I may be overstepping a boundary...We come from different cultural backgrounds, and sometimes I feel bad that I am more american than I'd like to be considered... maybe superficial? =/In her culture just near the north pole, people tend to age early. She is only in her mid 20s and starting to show a lot of wrinkles around her eyes. While that isn't what bothers me, its the inconsistency of who I am looking at related to her freckles. Hold up... I don't have a problem with freckles, but her freckles are strange. In the winter they are very fine and she has this almost porcelain complexion that I envy. Then the summer comes and everything gets very dark and discolored, I feel like I am looking at a completely different person.I try to ask her to wear SPF moisturizer because its healthy ... but she just kind of rolls her eyes at me. She is kind of simple and doesn't like to wear a lot of products, much less typical brand items.I feel bad, but it makes me uncomfortable that from 2 ft to an inch drastically effect my attraction.What can I do...? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014): It sounds like your gf is beautiful, you describe her as having porcelain skin, so I'm not quite sure what the problem is exactly in your attraction, but it seems to be some premature wrinkling due to a non oily skin type, lack of sunscreen and weather conditions and freckles which change color. I agree with others if we love someone- then we tend to overlook things like this and not zoom in on imperfections, not that these are. There are plenty of sunscreens which are lightweight such as mineral sunscreens which honestly if you have very fair skin which freckles you should be wearing every day as well as avoiding the sun. So if that is part of your concern, skin cancer and so on then I would discuss this with her in a relaxed way as well as possibly using a light weight oil free moisturizer maybe with spf. If someone is out in the elements a lot these things are a necessity for healthy skin. There is nothing wrong with taking good care of your skin.As for the freckles, that is hereditary and can't be helped, you chose her for your gf so you have to accept that. There is no safe treatment to stop freckles, even spf and staying out of the sun most of the time won't completely get rid of freckles. And there is no reason she should try to conceal them if she doesn't want to.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 I have come back to your question several times over the past two hours or so, considering whether to respond or not.
As you see, I have decided to respond.
Check out this link to a tweet:
http://cdn.pastemagazine.com/www/articles/lorde-twitter-screenshot.jpg
Maybe you are so accustomed to looking at photoshopped images that you are unaware of what people really look like.
If you find what you refer to as your girlfriend's so called "problem areas" are something you cannot accept or live with I suggest you find a new girlfriend. Any woman who agrees to change the way she looks or is to suit a boyfriend is, in my opinion, only looking for trouble.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (30 April 2014):
 When I'm in love with a guy, every supposed flaw of his becomes a thing of beauty, the dark circles under his eyes due to lack of sleep adds an air of sweet melancholy to his expression. The crow's feet when he smiles fills his face with character and wisdom. The beer gut that he develops over time gives me more to hug. When I look at a person I see them through the filter of my feelings. If I don't like you, you're ugly. Does not matter if you have a six pack or a chiseled face. I love you and you are the best looking man on the planet.
Maybe you don't love this girl. Your feelings for her seem superficial.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): "I don't want to seem insensitive, but I agree that partners need to do what they can to keep the attraction alive for one another (and I know I have to do my part too)"It's also necessary for people in a relationship to make their partners feel secure and comfortable with their body. Your girlfriend is at peace with her skin. You're the one trying to instill her with insecurities so that she will cater to your eyes. "She is kind of simple and doesn't like to wear a lot of products, much less typical brand items."I think the sentence above really highlights how women are expected to wear makeup and if they don't, they're plain and "simple." In the summer, you sweat. Skin gets tanned unevenly and will produce more oil, discoloring the skin and making it shiny in strange areas. In the winter, pores get less oily and you can maintain a clean complexion due to the cold. Caking your face in the summer will result in melted makeup unless you use higher brand items. Are you going to pay for the cosmetics you think she needs to make her face more appealing for you? All for you?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 Aargh! If you were concerned about her risk of skin cancer, I could understand it, but no, you're just interested in how attractive she is to you. Before you deny that, read your post again (I read it twice),
She's perfectly comfortable in her own body, freckles and all (good for her!) and she can't help getting freckles. OP, I get freckles and I'd have wear factor 50 to avoid them. Factor 50 feels like smearing cooking fat on your face.
Do you like her as a person? Do you love her?
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