A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for almost one year now and we are both in our 20s. I've chosen to remain a virgin until I am married. It is both a religious and personal choice on my end. My question is this, how do you spice things up without crossing that boundary. And yes oral sex in my opinion is sex. Also just because I've made the promise to remain a virgin does not mean that I am completely innocent. We recently had a discussion about this and he has told me that he will respect my wishes to not go beyond what we have already set in place. But being a guy, and not a virgin, he has started to want more. I must admit that I feel the same way but I also feel like if we do much more it will be tempting fate. So again do you know of anything that could spice things up in a relationship where sex and oral sex are not an option?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Try old fashion or traditional dating practices.
Get family to be involved in your common activities.
Do things together and focus your mind on those interests and hobby's instead of on sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your responses. I just wanted to add a few more things. First of all I am deeply in love with him and we have a very open link for communication so we've already discussed this. He says that it does frustrate him but he wouldn't want to lose me because he couldn't handle not having sex. We've also discussed marriage and frankly at this point I think he may be the one. I want to make him happy and satisfy him but within our boundaries. I'm just not good at being sensual and sexy apparently. I have tried some of the things that were mentioned..and they are pretty great. I guess we'll just have to see if it becomes a big enough problem in the future to result in the demise of our relationship. Also I'm religious but the less I go to church the more I begin to question religious practices. However I do believe in the consequences of my actions both physically and spiritually. Anyway thanks again for all of your input! Thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): First, forget the spice. Being your honest self is mandatory.
If sexual pleasure is what you want but without the normal way of getting and receiving it, then find a place alone, get naked, hug hold and kiss; touch, caress all parts of the body, and then masterbate each other. Both of your urges to have intercourse or oral will become intense, but masterbation can alleviate this. We are human beings, we are sensual feeling people: this is natural. You can take baths together and wash each other. This is what my first girlfriend and I did, even though she wanted intercourse, neither of us could get condoms to protect from pregnancy becuase of our age. You can even sit on top of him and rub his penis across your clitorus. Is this sex? Just flirting can be considered sexual, so it rests upon to mature adults to define boundaries. Your both concenting adults, and hopefully you have a mind of your own to make decisions appropriate to your situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Annalisa wrote: "From a religious point of view, masturbation is unacceptable, unless it helps lead to full sex and procreation."Really?What religion would that be? What is the basis of that rule?Many religious organisations promote masturbation as the safe alternative to pre-marital sex.Perhaps you refer to Pope Paul's "Persona Humana - Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics" published in 1975? You should read it.
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A
female
reader, tulsi  +, writes (9 May 2008):
If you've agreed not to have sex then don't. It sounds like a tough decision it's simple thou you go for it or you don't if you don't have sex and wait till your married marraige is no game and you may just end up very disappointed in the bedroom. If you love him enough you and he loves you too then you should go for it there's no right or wrong all I can say is I waited till I was married and oh my God let me just say I've been divorced for 2 years I should have just had sex but I waited due to religion and my upbringing not a good Idea for me but I didn't make that mistake the second time and My God am I happy. Sex is not every thing however if there are real feelings of love then it's very hard to say no. I hope this helped but it's sort of a sticky a situation or not.
1 Thing is for curtain don't fight it just go with the flow and what ever and however far you go use protection and if not good luck on the honey moon
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (9 May 2008):
 I think you are really asking for a contradiction in terms here.
You want to spice things up but you have put boundaries in place, oral sex is not full sex as that really is intercourse or msking love.
I think by asking about spicing things up you are saying let's get hot and bothered and when it gets to that point say no to anything further. I don't think it is fair on your bf to get him all hot under the collar and then say no to anything going further.
Your bf has said he will respect your wishes but he is obviously getting frustrated and you are saying that you are feeling the same way to.
I have only ever been with one man in my life and that latest almost 20 years and I was 20 when I lost my virginity which is late in a lot of cases but now we have parted but it was the most fantastic time while we were together and sex was brilliant. I had been brought up in quite a strict home where sex was never really discussed in the open and so it was my choice to wait until I met the right man.
If you do not intend to remain with this guy or get married to him and the fact that he is not a virgin I think this relationship is not destined to last.
Your choice is just that your choice but I am a true believer now that if you remain a virgin until you are married your expectations are so high about your wedding night that generally the first time of sex is not all it is cracked up to be as it can be uncomfortable or just painful and yes there is sometimes bleeding involved, not a great deal but some.
Sex should be pleasurable and about two people sharing intimate times together.
At the end of the day it is your choice but I now believe that you wouldn't buy a car without first test driving it. It doesn't mean that you should test drive loads of cars but you get my meaning.
I just think if you spice it up with fondling and kissing you are just increasing the heat temperature to fully hot and then saying take a cold shower, your boyfriend will not be able to take that for very long believe me.
Sorry I could not help any more than that.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Have you tried nipple stimulation? It can be quite enjoyable for both men and women ;) you also have the option of using your fingers and/or tongue.
What about hand job's? Use a small amount of lube to reduce friction and go to town! - an easy way for him to get his rock's off without having sex.
Also, women often find it much easier to orgasm through clitoral stimulation than penetration so with a little guidance your partner should be able to use his fingers to get you off too!
If it interests you, you can also try playing around with some toys. Your partner could use a small vibrator to stimulate you (intstead of fingers) and use it while giving him a hand job also. Try blindfolds and handcuffs or just thin strips of a smooth fabric to tie each other up. :)
I'm not sure if you have done any of these things before.. but just be creative and have FUN!
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A
male
reader, virgin89 +, writes (9 May 2008):
 hun you sound just like my gf.. lol but hmm you sound like you're in a tight spot.. um well i'm kind of in that spot too with her but if you know that you do not want to have sex and you know he respects that then yall should openly discuss this problem.. tell him how comfortable you are and let him tell you what he feels i'm sure things will be much easier.. you just need to trust in God and let Him be the Major foucus point in your relationship and hopefully with that set in place then your wishes will be his wishes.. lol just don't be a tease like my gf is sometimes..lol it's cute but sometimes it's a little frustrating being a guy and having a girl feel around on you and when you get in the mood you back off...lol jk but i hope that helps..
wow you sound just...like my gf.. weird!
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