A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help! Since my boyfriend ended things suddenly three months ago I am getting more angry and depressed as time goes on, rather than feeling any better.I can look back now and see that he was insincere and didn't love me like he said he did. He swore I was the best girl he'd ever had a relationship with. The problem was his close relationship with a woman we both work with. He claimed they were just friends but they are going on holiday together and it began to get me down. He got angry when I said I didn't want to socialise with them - she is very rude to me - but if he is there all sweetness and light. I guess at the end of the day she pressured him to give me up - which he has.I just feel such a fool - they spend all their time together now - it's quite clear their relationship is more than friendship and I feel so hurt - and I have to deal with seeing them happy as larks day in and out. I can't move jobs till I've finished my internship and stayed on a year after that.Joke is I can see the relationship was crap now, but can't get over the hurt and lies. Sorry to rant! x
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male
reader, gregory6 +, writes (26 July 2010):
Your anger and hurt is justified. You should not feel you are sorry. Provided it doesn't get out of hand, anger is a good stage to go through. It might even help to make a mental list of all the things you didn't like about him, or any other strategy to turn your grief into something you can cope with, even if temporarily.
It goes without saying that you should pursue other things in life, but I know that is hard when you are grieving a loss.
Part of our hurt about these things is that we think we will never find those love feelings again, and that no-one else exists to fill the void. and I'm telling myself that as I've gone through a similar thing.
Chin up, and you will get over it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your answers - they are helping me so much - everytime i feel awfull I read them through again and feel supported and understood.
All of your comments make so much sense and are giving the strength to get through it all.
I made a lot of changes in my life to start this second career at a later age so I am determined to see it through despite all this.
So I'm going to work really hard and start cleaning up my flat - which I've neglected while feeling so miserable. Will also make a real effort to start making new friends.
You have all made a big difference to how I feel and it's good to know you lovely people are out there. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): A break up is much like a death, it is a loss, and when human beings lose someone they love they go through a grieving process, this is normal and healthy and you will find yourself going back and forth between the stages of grief until you finally come to the final stage acceptance.
You are angry right now and that is good. Self righteous anger is motivating you to make a change, you can't quit you job, but you can start to date some other people casually and get your dating legs back under you.
It sounds like it is bothering you a lot that he is now spending time with this other woman that was a problem when the two of you were together, it seems he has chosen her over you.
That really isn't what happened here. He is a self centered manipulative jerk who likes his ego stroked by female attention, any female will do, you got sick of him called him out, so you were going to actually be work....this other woman is the stupid one...be glad she got stuck with him instead of you. She's going to be the one dealing with his inconsiderate, immature crappy behavior from here on out.
Instead of feeling slighted, feel glad that you are free from him and his BS, you don't need to waste your time on a time waster.
One thing that helps is to put him in his place in your mind. Give him a derogatory name like Little Petey, or Fat Dumbo, I dunno you come up with something. That takes his power away over you and you feeling "less than" because of him. Never allow another person to define who you are. If you have to give up who you are to be with someone then the price is too high. He wasn't living up to your standards, that is why they call it dating, it's a selection process and he failed the test, he knows it, you know it, so let him go be happy in someone else's mud puddle, you have the whole sea to find a better man.
They're out there, it's raining men, go out and take an umbrella...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 July 2010):
You're little last sentence is almost the key to this. You say you're sorry. Even though he's treated you this way, you're the one saying sorry. You have every right to rant, but you seem to think that it's wrong to, or that you shouldn't. The time has come for you to have a seriously rant and cry and get all these feelings out. Stop apologizing, and stop blaming yourself and feeling foolish. It's not your problem that this man is basically crap. You're better than this, and the first thing you need to do is try and get out of the 'blaming yourself' stage. Get back out there with friends, spend time focusing on your internship and your hobbies. Make plans for a weekend away at a spa or something. Anything where you're focused on your own life. Just don't sit there blaming yourself. He was the bad guy here, not you.
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 nobody can tell you how, you'll have to find your own way and just get used to it and then get over it until one day you don't feel as bad anymore and it will get better and better from then. Just good luck and don't sit still
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Talking about it helps so don't apologize for explaining how you feel. This is what dearcupid is for.
The reason why you are not feeling better is because you have not tried to move on. Instead you focus on him and his relationships. You feel bitter and lonely. Which is completely normal but is not healthy.
What you need to do is concentrate on things that make you happy. Focus on your future and do well in your studies. Go out alot. Spend time with friends and make new friends. Be busy.
Ignore your ex and his relationships. He is no longer apart of your life. Avoid him as much as possible.
Remember, he hurt you but eventually he will hurt her to. She deserves him but you don't. You are much better off without that jerk in your life.
Hold your head up high and don't let them get to you!
Be happy!
Good Luck!
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