A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i've been married 8 years and my husband wasn't inlove with me when we married but i was so infatuated with him that it didn't matter. now he says he loves me but actions speak showing i'm his friend and not his love, we have a son together and we love him dearly. everyday we fight, and my health is not doing well and i've tried to tell him the fighting is making me too weak. Some days his will be so nice for maybe a day or two out of the month, rest he ignores that i'm even in the house. Night time i'm often very ill, throwing up etc. I'll wake him up if it gets to bad and i'm worried about passing out but he just goes back to sleep, and i feel alone. How can you tell if this man actually loves me or just wanting to keep this marriage for our son. In arguments he says he's still with me only for our son, then after he says he was just angry, but i feel it must have some truth to it.[Moderator's note: please tell us what causes the arguments.] Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): His actions are a reflection of his pain he feels, the pain you may have caused. It seems when we are hurt by those we love or care about, wewithdraw. If we try to be helpful and caring, and we are rejected somehow, eventually we try and put forward less, because we try to stay away from the pain.
As mentioned, your son is learning how relationships should work, From the sound of it, your showing him the way to an unhappy future.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 He is very stressed out too and having to cope with your health.
You should give him the benefits of doubt.
He said it in the heat of the argument.
You should not hold this against him.
He is still with you and that is what counts.
Though what he uttered is hurtful , you should understand
that he is under tremendous pressure too.
Live and let live....
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 It sounds as if there could be some truth to his statement. You have a few separate issues here. First is your health. Second is his behavior. Third is the environment your son is growing up in.
Your health does not need this stress. Your son is learning how relationships work by remaining in this situation. No matter your feeling toward him, or his toward you, this environment is not proper for raising a child. You as the parent have to take action, and he needs to know his poor behavior stops now, or a change will have to be made.
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