A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my friends bf is a loser. he just got out of jail for turning some poor guy into a vegetable.she is constantly finding him lying about text/calling girls but she never finds out the content of the convos. she confronted one of the girls who told her to watch out for her bfs wandering eye.he is always getting caught out lying then he will cry until she says she is no longer angry.i dont want to straight out say leave him but i don't think she should stay. he cheated on his ex to be with her and i have no doubt he is cheating on her, he did with my sisters friend!what am i meant to do? it seems all i can do is sit back and watch this fall apart
View related questions:
his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Apparently I had to reword my statement I had tried to post 24 hours ago or so.
Sometimes we have to preserve our own sanity at the expense of those who won't let us be. Control of nice people who give a damn about others more than themselves comes in many forms, including threatening suicide.
This should not be considered any different from any other form of domestic violence.
Record him saying he is going to kill himself, then have her dump him, and send the evidence to the police and they can get him treatment.
At this point, I think the guy is unstable, but is bluffing.
I would say, do the above, or call him out on it.
At some point, you can only do so much and the ultimate decision, in his and her case, is up to him and her.
Will he commit suicide? I don't care either way.
Will she leave him? I honestly hope she does.
Try getting a case against him so she can actually move on.
If she refuses to do that, she is no longer a victim, and is a volunteer.
After that, don't bring it up, and she will sort it out herself.
A
female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 I have just read you last post! If she wants to leave but is afraid there are people that can help her. If you would like private message me and i can give you more information to pass on to your friend! I hope for her sake she gets out!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe was drunk one night and saw some random guy walking through the park and him and 2 friends bashed him. went to jail for 6 years. my brother used to e friends with him and he said to me stay away from him he is bad news.
i guess i will have to just leave it .. she is always trying to break up with him then he will tell her he is going to kill himself so she comes back
...............................
A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (15 April 2010):
I agree there is nothing you can do and if you do try to help your friend may think you are sticking your nose in and she will push you away. The only thing you can do is be there for her when it goes bad. Good luck hun
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (15 April 2010):
well #1Why did he turn the guy into a vegetable? #2 He seems like a douchebag and probably is violent for no reason, which is why he turned the guy into a vegetable. I say that she should leave him.Tell her that if there is doubt in the relationship, there is doubt for a reason.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): I sympathise. I had a friend whose fiance made a pass at several girls (including me). I made the decision to tell my friend straight out what he had been up to and added that i thought she should leave him. She never spoke to me again and married him. Apparently, they got divorced five years later because she found out he was having affairs. Moral ? Tell your friend if you are prepared for the fact that she may choose him over you. He sounds very manipulative and she sounds like she has low self-esteem so this is a dangerous combination. Alternatively, you can support her through this but it may drag on and on....perhaps you should ask her what advice she would give you if you were in the same situation?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Stay out of it, there's nothing you can do. She has to figure this out herself. I know you want to help your friend and by all means be there for her but don't get dragged into this mess or it could threaten your friendship.
She'll figure him out eventually and when she does she'll need a friend like you to console her and help her get through it, don't jeapordise that by getting involved in any way.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Once she knows how you feel and she knows you've offered to help her change, that's all you can do. This is an age-old story and it never really changes. She needs to mess things up and waste herself on him for a while before she'll learn.
...............................
|
