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female
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*rokenheart
writes: Hi, First i must say that i have always found your column very helpful and i can relate to some of the advice given.Well here is my problem, six months ago i came out of a marriage that i was more a convenience than a wife, i had looked up to my husband for everything, my world had depended on him and he was my everything. Sad to know that he did not feel that way after seven years of marriage and two kids he decided a seperation would be best since we weren't compatible. The split was hard especially when he said there wasn't another woman involved which I later found out it was. After the split i suffered a nervous breakdown, through much support from family and friends i'm much better. You see we still have a good relationship (civil) because of the kids. i eventually moved my business to another part of town to aviod any contact with him and to drown myself in my work. My problem is during my illness my best friend of ten years was there for me throughout my ordeal. If it were't for him i don't know how i would have survived since the split he's been great with my boys, and especially there for me, always a shoulder to cry on day or night. The thing is three months ago we started sleeping together. He's crazy about me he's even talking a long time commitment, i have great feelings for him but so much has changed. I can't talk to him the way i use to, we don't hang out like buddies anymore, he's always had his way with the ladies and always use to tell me everything now all that has changed, he says he gave it all up for me. He's extremely jealous especially when the kids dad comes to visit but says he's dealing with it because he loves me. My ex does not know about him and few family members do, he makes me happy he's the first person that has ever cared about me, he knows how to make me priority and not his convenience. But I'm not sure how to go public with our relationship, some of my relatives who knows him and about thinks i will only get hurt again. Please help i don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 It sounds as if you have come out the otherside of what sounds like a very traumatic time, when your marriage ended you lost a very important part of your life, but it sounds like you have done your grieving for the relationship and now feel it might be time for you to start rebuilding your life.
If you feel you have a future with your new man, if he makes you happy and you think the relationship could work long term, I don't see why anyone should have a problem with it.
He was there for you in your time of need and supported you, he gets on well with the children, you have the added bonus of having known him for a long time and you seem genuinly fond of him. It sound like you have the chance to be happy again, grab it with both hands!
I'm sure when you feel the time is right you will be able to tell family and all about your new relationship, I'm sure that everyone will be happy for you, and the second chance you have been given, some will worry you will get hurt again, but we all take that chance when getting into a new relationship even if we've known the person as you have for a long time.
Your new man will have to get used to your ex being around for the kids, and if he loves you he will understand you have to have some sort of relationship with your ex for their sake.
If you are happy don't be worrying yourself what other people think, this man obviously thinks the world of you!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, needinganswers +, writes (19 May 2006):
I had an affair with my husbands friend who was also our roommate. The affair happened after he moved out from our home, but we all remained freinds, him, his girlfriend, other friends, etc. After my hubby and I split for good it was tough for the two of us to go out in public. We have now been together 13 years, have a child, our own home and are married. Sometimes you just gotta say "What the hell" and go for your own feelings, although you know it hurts others. In the end 'True Love Prevails'
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A
female
reader, needinganswers +, writes (19 May 2006):
I had an affair with my husbands friend who was also our roommate. The affair happened after he moved out from our home, but we all remained freinds, him, his girlfriend, other friends, etc. After my hubby and I split for good it was tough for the two of us to go out in public. We have now been together 13 years, have a child, our own home and are married. Sometimes you just gotta say "What the hell" and go for your own feelings, although you know it hurts others. In the end 'True Love Prevails'
...............................
A
female
reader, needinganswers +, writes (19 May 2006):
I had an affair with my husbands friend who was also our roommate. The affair happened after he moved out from our home, but we all remained freinds, him, his girlfriend, other friends, etc. After my hubby and I split for good it was tough for the two of us to go out in public. We have now been together 13 years, have a child, our own home and are married. Sometimes you just gotta say "What the hell" and go for your own feelings, although you know it hurts others. In the end 'True Love Prevails'
...............................
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