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female
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anonymous
writes: Quite recently i discovered that my boyfriend had slept with my best friend while we were together. We have decided to stay together and worked out our differences. I sometimes have a hard time and have started to become a little controlling, i also suffer from mild depression which i think is making it worse for me and him. I want our relationship to survive but i would like some advice on how to control the situation better
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): trust is a weird thing..people throw that around in relationships like it was just some bs term..trust it built b/c of small little actions over time..the things you say and the things he says actually happen! and over time, that becomes trust..my ex g/f and I recently broke up after a 3 year relationship..about 2 years into the realtionship I found out that she had a bunch of guys numbers on her phone..then I found an e-mail to a guy saying "i wish you could come with us", when she was leaving to go away for the weekend with the "girls"..we argued about it, she cried and I was blinded..I wanted this to work so bad (we had just bought a house) that I didn't want to believe anything..but deep down, I knew something wasn't right..and what happend a few months later I found pictures of a guy kissing her, ectt..now as her defense when we broke up she used the fact that i was too controlling as her reasoning..well bs..listen, in a realtionship, both people are somewhat controlling..they want the person to feel the same as them, they want the person to act a certain way to them, ectt ectt and they do things to make that happen..aka they try to "control" the situations...and you have every right to be, as was i...anyway, my point is that once someone breaks trust, anything , wherther it be small lies or things that he did too you..I believe that the person never really cared or loved you the way thet said they did and that they are just coming back out of habit, or other things didn't work out in their lives, ectt..tell this dude to get lost..he'll do it again..this is in his nature and most likely will not be changed
A
female
reader, SherreeBee +, writes (19 May 2006):
 My goodness.. Your situation sounds strikingly similar to one I have gone through, and I promise you I know EXACTLY how you feel.
It will never be the same. After someone has broken your trust as this piece of shit guy has, something that was there before is gone. Of course you're going to feel controling! You want desperately to make sure he never does something idiotic again! But you trying to control things won't do anything.. No matter how much you think you know what he's doing at whatever time of the day, you really don't know.. It's a really uncomfortable feeling that can drive you crazy or even feel slightly depressed. It all comes down to trust. And once it has been broken its just hard. VERY HARD once you've decided to give it a second chance...
There are so many beautiful women that are with men who don't deserve them. It sucks.. I hope you don't compromise your self-worth for this loser. you're TOO GOOD for him. You don't deserve the crap he's put you through. Don't forget that...
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 If you can forgive him and rekindle your relationship then good on you, you are a more forgiving person than me.
Is your best friend still your friend ?
You are controlling as a way of punishing him, you are also using it as a defence mechanism, this is normal if a little unfair, and hopefully when you start to get over the hurt and trust him more you will loosen up a little, maybe it is also a way of making him realise that in future he will not be able to do the dirty on you as you are now much more aware of what he is capable of.
Good luck and good on you, give it a go and go with the flow there is no right and wrong here.
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