A
female
age
36-40,
*endersmile
writes:I am interested in a guy I have met through a matrimonial site, I have never seen him in person as he lives abroad for work. Since, we have talked on phone and chatted on the internet, I feel like he is very close to the ideal man i imagine to be with. The more i know him the difficult it is for me to resist him. And i feel like totally obsessed with him. I think about him all day, and keep checking my cell for his text.I Cannot concentrate elsewhere and its really annoying how I am acting these days. Sometimes I cry because its a strange feeling and i cannot resist it. Though there is only little i know about him.Its not the first time i have acted this way. But I don't want to show him all this, because I feel its crazy and bizarre, specially for a girl in our society to be so expressive. Also I don't want to make him feel I am all needy, insecure and clingy.As far as his attitude is concerned he does shows some interest but he seems very shy and not sure of himself right now, cuz he is not financially in a situation to marry. Also he z been engaged already and broke up and really loved her ex...which I feel he is still not over with...( i have told him as well).I am really confused how to go about all this and its kinda killing me. I just want this to work, and don't want do anything stupid to ruin it.Because I don't feel like talking to anyone these days but him, and he is busy finding his living and I have so much work piling up on my end as well.Please help me finding the right way to go about it.
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broke up, engaged, her ex, insecure, shy, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tendersmile +, writes (21 October 2013):
tendersmile is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok he came and we met and then he told me stories about how his life is messed up and he cannot marry me. But he acted like he did like me and he has some problems so im stuck on him and he is kind of gone now...he sends me wishes on occasions and somehow i am not able to move on...
A
female
reader, tendersmile +, writes (25 March 2013):
tendersmile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMay be thats right, that i should not react in this way. But may be its because i miss a relationship in my life the one i can rely on. or may be i am too afraid to start a relationship in real life. I am afraid of meeting up people and may be afraid of not finding the right man. Thus i live in a fantasy but then again its difficult to break free from this.
So, what is the solution for me. He z been kind so far, he z there for me, he kind of likes me and he says he is coming back in August. But i dont know if i can trust someone like that.
i dont want to be an emotional fool neither do i want to overthink but to find a right solution for this situation
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I’m not sure what you mean by a matrimonial site, but if the goal is marriage and he’s not equipped to marry at this time (due to finances and not being over his ex) then why is he on the site?
Here is my take on meeting folks online… it’s fine as long as it QUICKLY progresses to meeting in real life. That’s not apparently what’s happening here. He lives abroad for work. This has very little chance of becoming a real relationship.
You have talked on the phone and internet and based on these few conversations you find him the ideal man to be with? What in the world is your criteria for an ideal man?
You say you are obsessed with him. This is not healthy nor is it love.
You say this is NOT the first time you have behaved in such an irrational and immature manner. That alone should tell you to proceed with caution, that your reactions to things are over the top so to speak.
You are confused about what? You want WHAT to work.. you say ‘I want this to work” but what is this? You don’t know this man… for all you know he beats his partner daily. I know you say “oh he would never do that… YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS… right now he’s just a voice and pictures and texts.. he’s not even a real person yet… not till you meet face to face.
He’s busy finding a living
He’s busy living abroad
He’s busy still missing his ex.
The right thing to do is not put all your hopes and dreams into his basket as I do not think he’s more than a time waster for you.
ONE thing you must learn… MEN who want to be with you WILL BE WITH YOU. MEN who love you will make you feel loved even if they don’t tell you. A man who is committed to you will never make you question how to make a relationship work. You will just know it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): How can you feel such strong feelings for someone you've never met? How can you obsess over someone you've never seen in person?He can't afford to marry, so why is he on a matrimonial site?All you've done is chatted on the phone. So he can create an imaginary personality. He can pretend to be anything you want. Why? Because you met on the internet, and he can deceive you. You seem very naive and sheltered. Your behavior as you have described it is not very stable, and you are vulnerable to some very unsavory characters. Please stop and be very careful. There are dangerous people on the internet that can do people harm. They prey on innocent people and arrange to see you. Do not meet anyone without a chaperone. Do not get too involved with men who cannot afford to marry. He has problems and may try to get money from you.I don't think you should be on such sites. It's too unsafe.
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