A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy for the first time through work a few months ago. Previously we spoke with over the telephone and he came across as arrogant and annoying. He doesn't let me finish my sentences. He jumps to conclusions. It’s really infuriating. When I met him, I didn’t take much notice. Yeah, good looking, but he didn’t register on my radar. Until one of the girls at work dropped the comment about what a distraction he is. Really? That sparked my interest. The second time we met, he brought a colleague of his whom I know relatively well. Due to that relationship I offhandedly said to the colleague that I liked his tie. An innocent comment. The other guy responded, “What’s wrong with my tie?” I didn’t respond. He continued with, “Oh, I see. We have to dress to impress when we come around here. Next time I’ll wear a tux.” “Yes please.” – I may have sounded more keen than I really was. But I just watched Skyfall the week before.Later that afternoon I walked the guys out, the good looking one asked, “Why don’t you like my tie?” (Seriously?)I turned to the colleague that I knew and said, “I like your tie, because it brings out your blue eyes.”To which the other guy responded in a sulky tone, “My eyes are blue too.” I hadn’t even noticed his eyes. Seriously what is his problem? Attention-Deficit?The next time we met was Valentine’s day – his doing, not mine. He came to meet with my team. And to put you out of our misery – he didn’t wear a tux; but he was close. I was mildly impressed. We were sitting next to each other, so I started making conversation to fill the silence. I asked about his team, which he was happy to chat about. There is a woman on his team who I wonder if he’s involved with. So I asked about her. He chuckled when he spoke about her. So, I thought I’d ask how the guy with the nice tie was. His response, “he works in a different team.” That’s it. Silence.I didn’t talk after that. Nor did he. Except when he announced to my team that if they had any questions, they should speak to me and I will pass it on to him, as I know how to contact him. He looked at me and grinned. He bypassed my boss and didn’t even talk to me about it. He just went ahead and made his own rule. We didn’t talk after that. When he was leaving he said to me with another big grin, “We’ll talk.”Since then, he’s sent me documents I haven’t asked for. He has e-mailed asking if I have any questions…Basically he’s kept the “We’ll talk” part of the bargain.I like him – even his annoying habits have grown on me. I know it’s unprofessional as we work for opposing companies and live in different cities. I am wondering whether he feels the same. How do I figure that out without making it blatantly obvious by asking straight out? I want to know if it’s worth pining over…or am I better of moving on?Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1: It improved for about 3 weeks. Then I relapsed...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-colleagues-behaviour-suggest-he-is-interested-or.html
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 Good luck to you, I hope your work relationships with your colleagues improve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses!I appreciated the honesty. You both are SO right! And thanks to you two, I haven't thought about him since!! So that's pretty awesome! :-) Thank you for giving me back some self control. He is an attention seeker who always gets his way. I never thought he was super handsome. I still haven't looked at his eyes - given then are blue and I am a sucker for blue eyes. I think it was more that others found him attractive. And I didn't. I always go for the odd-ball - the ones left of center. So, when he showed me some attention - I reacted. Because the guy that others think is hot flirts with ME?! (Really? They usually look right past me.)"I worked with guys like this. Generally, if they are flirty attention-seekers with you, they are flirty attention-seekers with most of the attractive women they meet." - That hit home! *thank you!*Yes, the words I would use to describe him - immature and arrogant. He really hasn't shown much more than that. It's true - right now, because of his "power-play" none of the women at work are talking to me. They have perceived me to be the flirty attention-seeker in this scenario. When did he admit to sleeping with the girl? I missed that bit? Is that was that was??Definitely going to keep my distance from this one. And it seems he wont be visiting anytime soon, anyway. But, again, thank you for helping me see the reality of the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): I'm just going to make a bunch of assumptions here: this guy sounds like bad news. The cons to dating (or trying to) seems to outweigh the pros. I may be mistaken but this guy sounds like one of those: cocky, in your face, immature jerks. Maybe his thrill is also the challenge you represent as you didn't fall for him right away. However, as you didn't fall for him/show interest now he is getting revenge and getting off on power play (such as bypassing your bosses), he also sounds immature as he basically admitted to sleeping with the other girl (either it's not true and he just wants to make you jealous back = he is immature OR he is indeed sleeping with that girl = he is a pig because he openly admits to it, and if you were in the position of that girl he probably wouldn't hesitate about boasting about his sexual conquests to some of his other colleagues) . From the moment you don't sleep with him, you are the one with the power. I had a female colleague of mine who did the mistake to have a short dating relationship with one of her direct colleagues (who sounds a lot like this guy). While their relationship he kind of made it obvious they were sleeping together (cause he was an attention seeker) and therefore she attracted jealousy from some colleagues and her bosses would insinuate she is an easy girl and make sex jokes at her expense. He would openly flirt with other female colleagues (you could see her fuming). Then they broke up and that was even messier. The only thing she got out of this is a tarnished reputation and complicated work relationships with her colleagues and bosses.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 March 2013):
From the way you've written about him, he sounds like a bit of an attention-seeking guy who wants people to do what he says.
Let's say he wasn't super handsome, call him ordinary, regular, whatever, would that change your perception of him?
I don't see all that much to go on. Some chitchats, some teasing about ties, some attempts to divert your attention from another man to him, well, those all could be signs of an accomplished flirt. I'm not seeing them as declarations of love or desire…..
How do you figure it out? How about letting some more interactions with him tell you. Be sure to watch him when he thinks you are not looking. He may be trying it on with lots of women.
I worked with guys like this. Generally, if they are flirty attention-seekers with you, they are flirty attention-seekers with most of the attractive women they meet.
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