A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 9 months, we have a great relationship until recently we went on holiday with my parents. We got on well all of us, or so we thought till we got home and mum started complaining how my partner had changed on holiday and they didn't like the side of him they saw. I admit he was a bit grumpy at times but it was down to heat and early mornings and late nights. Anyway discussed with partner and he tried apologising to my parents and I thought all would be well, but mum still wasn't happy and it caused an argument between me and my mum, and then I went to my partner and told him what mum had said, now he hates mum and refuses to get on with her, even though she has said to me she is happy to agree to disagree as we can't agree that we were in wrong or they were but we just forget all about it and start again. However my partner refuses to speak with them unless they apologise even though my stepdad apologised for them both, my partner wants my mum to apologise, I have told him just to forget about it and lets all move on but he won't let it drop. It's making me stressed as my mum wants to get along with him but he refuses. I love him and my parents but I just don't know what to do because I don't want it to carry on like this as it will be awful once we get our own place, have kids or get married as I will have my family involved, I have explained this to my partner and told him how stressed and upset its making me but he refuses to budge. I know he loves me and wants to have a future with me and I do with him but I don't want to be stuck in middle of him and my family and I don't want to have to leave him as I love him too much. Please help anyone!!
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 September 2011):
 That's good news and I'm glad your mom apologized. That was big of her to swallow her pride.
Thanks for the follow up :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi first day today in 5weeks since holiday that they've seen each other. Mum has apologised and spoke to him and i've apologised to both about telling what other had said as I was so angry at time. My stepdad offered a peace offering to go to a football match, so fingers crossed he is having a good time and he is a bit happier been around them. Mum has said that we forget the past and move on and what was said shouldn't have been and we will start a fresh, so hopefully things will improve. Thanks all for advice
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): I agree with Jmtmj, I think your mum was unreasonable and you made things worse by going between them and telling them what the other had said. That kind of thing never helps. I have a close friend who my mum doesn't like, but I would never tell her that because how on earth would it help anyone? It would just hurt my friend's feelings and make her resent my mum, so I just keep it to myself. Your mum needs to apologise to your boyfriend in person and if she has a problem with him she should keep it to herself, especially if it is something trivial like him being grumpy on holiday. If she didn't like it she and your stepdad should have just gone off and done their own thing. I totally understand your partner's feelings, I would also be really angry if I were in his shoes.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (15 September 2011):
Carmly say to him "please be the better man in all of this, I know that you can, I really need you to, I want us two to be on the same side". If you can squeeze out a few tears, I'm sure he will lower his defences (his stubbornness) and he will agree to do it, because if he loves you, he won't want to see you upset.
Meanwhile remind your mum that your partner is great and he was just having an "off" time.. everyone goes through good and bad times when sometimes they are just not showing their best side. Tell her there are plenty of more important things to cause issues about.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (15 September 2011):
If your Mom truly wants to get along with him, she'd reciprocally apologize... as she damn well should. Not accepting his apology in the first place was pretty petty and I'm hoping you recognize that you made a mistake in telling your boyfriend that she didn't accept it.
Your Mom is the one who you need to get on with your partner... not the other way around. If she wants to forget the whole thing and move on then apologizing, (even if she just fakes the whole thing) is what she should do.
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