A
female
age
30-35,
*he hopeless girl
writes:So once again my boyfriend and I are having issues. He told me he Lost feelings and interest in me .. He said he wants me to make him get those feelings back. I have no clue how to do that :( I feel that after I see him tomorrow I will be a single woman.. Someone help me .. I know I shouldn't be with someone as cruel and complicated as him but I'm not known to be a quiter.. I need help please and thank you :/ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hollyhock  +, writes (28 April 2013):
If he is unsure of his feelings towards you, he needs to decide for himself what they are - no-one can do this for him. The best thing you can do is to give him some space to decide what his feelings are for you. If you see each other regularly, then I suggest that you have a break of a minimum of 2 weeks. this will give him time to evaluate his feelings. During this break you should concentrate in your own life, family, friends, hobbies etc. Spend time doing the things you love with the other people you love in your life. If he does still have feelings for you and interest in you, then he will miss you during this time apart. He will also be intrgued to know what you have been doing in your time apart. If he doesn't miss you, then I am afraid that you will have your answer.This will be hard, but there is nothing you can do to change his feelings, you can only take action to find out what they really are.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 April 2013):
 "Sounds" to me like you have a very self-serving "B/F" who is, clearly, telling you that YOU have to make HIM love you....... HUH????????
I suggest that you count your blessings... and end "tomorrow" as a single woman who is prepared to get on with her life WITHOUT this man-child as an anchor around your neck....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): As you must already know that relationships require the input of two individuals that want to remain as a one and one item. Other than getting into the sex department which I believe he may be hinting at I even cant be sure. Is he expecting the full treatment by you in the bedroom? Can you remember anything that he really likes you to do to him? My boyfriend sometimes says what your boyfriend says but it is in relationship to a verbal dis agreement about something not really important. I will give you my example. I came home from work last night and my boyfriend was waiting for me and giving me our favourite bedroom signal. Okay, I wasn't in the best mood so I said not now honey and using the famous words LOL.. He kind of pipes up and says you know that sunday night is our special evening set aside just for us two. I said yes but I am really tired and I wont last five minutes so he goes out into the living room kinda pouting like a little boy. I didn't let him get away because we agree to confront issues head on. So he says that he felt I just didn't consider his feelings and that I should bring them back because he said he feels rejected and hurt. I of course get what he says so I said I didn't intend to drive away any feelings of bonding and not loving each other away somewhere. So I came up with a compromise and we just snuggled on the coach for the night and ordered a pizza and as you know things took their natural course. I
hope that this might be what he was saying to you. Because if a man feels that you reject him physically that sometimes why I don't know he believes that his feelings of intimacy, loving and bonding are you responsibility to bring back into a relationship that he believes you purposely drove away. Just a hunch. Could this be what he means? Good-luck.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (27 April 2013):
How unbelievable is this guy! He loses his feelings, but you are supposed to make them come back for him? It doesn’t work like that. If you fall out of love, then that’s unfortunate. No-one else can manipulate some-one in to feeling something, they have to develop those feelings for themselves. And likewise, they can lose them. This sounds like the kind of comment that can zap your confidence and self-belief. He’s either saying it because making you feel inadequate is a mechanism to assert control over you, or because he’s so selfish and cowardly that rather than take responsibility for ending a relationship he no longer wants to be in, he wants to put the guilt for his loss of feelings on to you. Either way, scared though you may be, the worst thing for you is to remain with him. If you do break up it’ll be the best thing for you, even if it is a bitter medicine.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): agree with all other answers...be strong, dump him. he'll either come crawling back (i'd advise not to take him back as i believe from my own experience with my ex that the pattern will repeat itself) saying he's changed (until he decides he's lost interest again), or he'll move on asap. either way, he is not interested now, he's not treating you as you deserve to be treated, and being single will be less painful in the longhaul than continually worrying about how to please a guy who doesn't give a crap about your feelings. time for you to be brave&move on to a bright new beginning.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2013): OP you have more to fear of the woman you will become if you don't leave than you do of setting yourself free.
Breaking up hurts but in the grand scheme of things staying in a loveless relationship hurts more, does more damage and takes longer to recover your dignity the longer you stay.
"he wants me to make him get those feelings back."
Yeah dude, nice try. He's gone OP, don't ever let anyone pull that kind of thing on you again.
The moment anyone says they've lost interest in you the relationship is immediately over. You're done, whether you stay or not.
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (27 April 2013):
I think i have to disagree with u guys on this. I have been with my GF for almost 4 years now. When we argue too much, say for a one month period, i kinda lose my feelings for her and dont even care if shes around or not. But we work on it and come back stronger.
This also happens with her and i work with her to get it back. We go out and do nice things, limit the arguments, think about the good times and spend a bit more time together.
So i think its pretty normal in a relationship and hes not being a jerk. Just try and work with him on this.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 April 2013):
 You should be more scared of what your life will become if you stay with him. Never allow yourself to feel those kinds of feelings of desperation for any man.
You've not been with anyone else but him? So? Don't think of him as your only. He does not get to go on a pedestal because he was your first. You can improve on him big time. He's using your feelings against you. Time to shut them off and drop him.
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A
female
reader, The hopeless girl +, writes (27 April 2013):
The hopeless girl is verified as being by the original poster of the question YouWish
I see your point.. I'm just scared on being with out him.. I have not been with anyone else but him but I believe I should leave this broken relationship. Thank you much appreciated :) :/
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 April 2013):
He wants YOU to *make* him get his feelings back???
Trust me, you becoming a single woman would be the greatest gift you could ever hope to live for. This isn't about being a quitter. This is about cutting out a toxic jerk from your life.
He's not cruel and complicated. He's cruel and stupid. Tell him to shove his feelings up his ass and twist. You're better off without him, and you need someone who's going to show YOU his feelings for you, not say something so ridiculous that should sentence him to a lifetime of solitary misery.
Seriously. When you see him tomorrow, don't make him make you a single woman. Take back your life and drop him hard. You. Do. Not. Need. Him.
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