A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling so confused and remorsefull I'm hoping soneone can help me come to terms with my emotions.A month ago I dumped my married lover, I changed my number/email etc but he still turns up at my house, my sons school, leaves notes on my car, flowers etc.The reason we split is because he was caught lying on every level.Throughout the 2 years we were together his wife and I had come to blows on numerous occasions. Often winding each other up with personal attacks. For this reason I have always found it easy to bury any guilt or remorse.That's is until tonight...she got intouch with me after finding out he had still been pestering me.For once she was civil, listened to my side of the story. There was no shouting or name calling and I actually found her to be a nice person.The problem I have now is that I feel so much guilt inside, when I think about what I put her through for 2 years I get angry with myself for not having a moral compass.On the other hand I feel I deserve to be angry with myself because I've hurt so many other people(his whole family and wide circle of friends knew about us) so it must have been very humiliating for her.I can't begin to explain how low I feel, how do I start to forgive myself? She left a contact number for me to ring and talk but I don't feel I can because it wouldn't feel right trying to be nice to a woman I have hurt so badly.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2011):
His wife sounds like she's just snapped and realized that her husband is just shite. I actually wonder whether contacting her again and talking to her might be a good idea. If you want to try and forgive yourself, maybe talking to her and seeking her forgiveness will help you. You'll also be able to speak about this guy who has so clearly used you both.
It could very well be that she's realized you're not a bad person - since you've finally cut contact whilst he tries to get you back.
I would try to speak to her. Come clean about what happened, why it happened and be honest. Maybe that's what she's looking for. And maybe in turn telling her what happened and seeing that she's not all that bad will allow you to forgive yourself. And if nothing else you can both tell each other how you feel that you've been duped by this crappy man.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Your story proves that the wife is not the evil *itch she is always portrayed to be. She is human, decent: her "only" fault is being married to a cheating scum.
As a former mistress it is very admirable to note that u admit to being wrong about her, and that she is a good person and she is NOT the evil person you always assumed her to be.
You feel guilty about your betrayal of a decent woman, and the lies and your past is starting to haunt you. You may not realise it but this is a good sign. It shows u have compassion now for this person, it shows that finally your conscious have surfaced.
The best thing about this is that I think u will never ever cheat with a married man again, and this is a good sign.
LoveGirl
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