A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:What makes a man want to have the affection of another woman when has been married for years? How can the urge be extinguished? Is it really that bad if there is no sex involved?
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Well I really like justgirls reply, I think thats the best and most mature way to handle the situation - but I'd bet you any money you like you hit the nail right bang on the head when you said she's unhappy about her weight and she's grumpy all the time. Us girls get really down when we get overweight. We feel unloveable and ugly - and guess what? We become it. Whether in our thoughts or our manner, we become just what we don't want to be, just because we put on a few pounds. Soooooo, go to the gym together, play squash together, go out for long walks together, plan your meals together, and see how getting those pounds off AND having your interest at the same time - fat or thin - will make her feel sooooo much better, well I know it would me if I had all that support. By taking your attention elsewhere, you are just affirming to her that she IS fat and unattractive, and that you'd rather be with someone who isn't. How can that improve the situation? It would make most people feel miserable. She's no different. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify, I don't have another woman right now. I just feel the need to look elsewhere because my wife is grumpy most of the time. She has gained weight and feels bad about that. I have tried to let her know it doesn't matter to me even though it does somewhat. I am far from perfect myself and don't expect her to be. It just seems easier to communicate with someone on the outside who may be in a similar situation and let things stay as they are between my wife and I.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (16 June 2008):
Well personally, I don't feel infidelity comes with the sexual act. I think you can be far more involved with someone emotionally - in that you think about them al the time, want to be with them, spend time with them but not having sex, and yet being flirty and wishing you were having sex, etc etc. My ex husband had what I'd call an affair, though there was no sex involved. I know it went on for at least a year, and I also know how deeply involved he was. The emotional betrayal bothered me far more than if he had had a one night stand. This lady had his attention, time and emotions tied up for a whole year. My kids and I got nothing but grief during that time, until the company they worked at closed and he couldn't get the opportunity to see her any more. I don't think its unusual at all for this to happen. Things get stale, we lose the spark between us and then pow, it happens with someone else who flatters us, seems like fun, is interesting. Who wouldnt be tempted? But you have all those things and more with your wife. Why not try spicing that relationship up a bit, rather than ruin it for a fling or something that will harmthe relationship if it gets found out? Go away somewhere nice, romantic, do some sexy things together - have a bath with candles, a massage, put some romantic music on. find what it was you loved about her in the first place. Or, give her up, go have your other woman and get it out of your system. How did it feel when I said give her up? Were you bothered? I just don't believe in playing away fromhome. Its deceiptful and causes a lot of pain. Of course, if your wife knows about it and agrees to it, then you don't have a problem there either do you? But make sure she does. Good luck.
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