A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, i am not a typical relationship kind of girl. i never liked having a boyfriend or being tied down by commitment. i would much prefer to be single and go out and do whatever i want whenever i want with all of my friends. ive always been proud of my independenc and how ive never let a guy control me because ive seen the way a lot of my friends have let boys walk all over them and make them look like idiots.i reluctantly started dating this one boy about 7 months ago but i didnt really think it would last long or turn into anything serious. i was just attracted to him and figured we might as well have fun and date for a little bit. it was at the end of my junior year in highschool and his senior year, so i knew hed be heading off to college and we would go our seperate ways.i was completely shocked by how much i started to like him though, and our relationship turned into a little more than i had expected. after school ended, we continued to date and even overcame some pretty big obstacles. we had our rough patches where i wasnt always completely faithful to him and he also struggled with expressing his feelings but we still made it work. even when i went away for a month in the summer and then he spent several weeks away too, we were still able to connect and keep our relationship going. its really shocking how much we were able to overcome and still be completely dediacted to eachother.finally school came around again and it was time for him to leave for college. he was only going about an hour away though so we decided to continue our relationship because niether of us were ready for it to end. ive just never felt the way about a boy before like how i felt about him. he was definatly different and i didnt want to let him go.things progressively got worse though and we almost completely stopped communicating. over the first 2 months that he was at college, i was only able to go visit him once because of my busy scheduale, and he was never able to come back to visit me because his family moved. things just got harder and harder and it just never seemed like the right time for us to talk. we never actually broke up but at the same time you definatly couldnt call it a real relationship because we hardly ever spoke. thanksgiving break came around and he came back to my town to visit so we met up. things seemed to be completely normal between us like no time had passed. when we were with eachother i was able to rememeber all of the reasons why i cared about him so much. i just had to ask him thoigh if he had been with any other girls in the time that we were apart and he said yes. i was shocked because we had never had the break up talk, even though i kind of assumed we werent really together anymore either. he tried to tell me that he regreted it and would take it back if he could and all i wanted to do was beleive him. i hated myself because even though he had stopped making an effort and trying to communicate with me and then even kissed another girl, i still couldnt be mad at him. all i wanted to do was forgive him and make everything better between us because i just couldnt see myself with anyone else. the strong independent girl that i used to be didnt seem to exist anymore and i hated him for doing this to me. but i still couldnt let him go.we sat down and had a conversation about everything but i just wasnt able to bring myself to say all of the things i was feeling because of how scared i was of loosing him completely. he basically decided that we should go our seperate ways and not be in a relationship, but at the same time he still really cared about me and wanted to be able to call me and see me when he could. even though i wanted more than this from him, i just accepted his proposal because it was better than not having him at all. that happened a week ago and since then weve only talked once. i was hoping hed make more of an effort to reach out to me but then again i know thats a lost cause because all hes ever done is dissapoint me for the last 3 months. i cant stop thinking about him though and all of the great memories i had with him and i just want to break down and call him, but i know that would be weak of me and definatly wouldnt help to get him back at all.to make myself feel better, ive tried to get out and socialize, and ive even been talking to other boys, but im just not able to feel anything at all except for the pain that he has caused. i know that he has continued to talk to the same girl that he kissed while we were still together, and i have the biggest fear that he will want a relationship with her. i just cant imagine him with another girl and it will absolutely drive me crazy. i dont understand why he doesnt want me the way he used to anymore and what i could possibly do to make him see that he will never find someone like me again. i know that this is competely unhealthy and everyone will just tell me to move on, and the beginning of a break up is the hardest, but i just cant let him go. i know how he used to feel about me, and i just dont know what changed with him. how do i even begin to deal with this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Well, girlfriend, welcome to a break up. The best way for you to make him regret his stupidity is to move on and be happy in your own life. That way he sees that you don't need him to be happy and the stronger you get, the more he'll be sorry about losing you. Distance and new college experiences change things... you are immersed in a whole new world and that can mean big, overwhelming changes. And, of course, a whole new world of people.
The only way to get over it is time. People say "get over it, move on", but we all know that's a hell of a lot easier said than done. But, time heals all wounds, my darling. Get a journal, keep socializing and day by day you'll feel better and start to see a bright side.
Don't give yourself a time limit and don't judge yourself from hurting. You'll feel better at your own pace. But eventually, you'll look back on this relationship, think "man, sucks to be him. He missed out on one hot tamale.", and that will be that. It WILL get better and you WILL get over it.
Good luck, sweetness!
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